Feel
by Wildwolf
Summary: Shounen ai SetoRyou. Bakura Ryou accompanies Yuugitachi to Kyoto for a Golden Week tournament. The Kaiba brothers are there. Nm... yeah. There's romance. Finished 9.5
1. Ambivalent

**Feel **

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Romance

Pairing(s): Seto/Ryou, there may be innuendos of others. I like the word innuendo.

Warnings: some possibilities of hetero, **NOW TO END-OF-SERIES** **_SPOILERS!_**

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh. If I did, I would not be screaming at my poor compy for the inability to get scanlations. My poor compy…

Summary: Another tournament is held in Kyoto over Golden Week. Bakura Ryou accompanies Yuugi, Jounouchi, and Honda there, where they meet Kaiba Seto and Mokuba. Does anyone else see romance coming?

This is my test of whether or not I know Japanese—hee, hee… singing anime characters—etiquette or not. Also, whether or not I can multi-task and watch other anime while typing this. I want my manga. Whistle… scary salivating Some people don't know what I'm talking about and have probably just wasted a minute and a half reading and trying to figure this. Sorry!

Notes: **This takes place after the series ends. Hence the spoilers.**

When I post this (on it will have been three years, I think, since I posted Yami Ryuu, which was my first Yugioh fic, and first actual shounen ai fic. Yes, I had this planned (Since one week ago).

Insert number here- means that there is a cultural or anime/manga-related note.

* * *

**Chapter 1-**

**Ambivalent**

Sunday

It was the first trimester of my last year of school when Yuugi-kun invited me, along with everyone else in our circle of friends, to Kyoto with him during Golden Week. The purpose was that there was a national Duel Monsters tournament being held there, and of course Jounouchi-kun would be entering as well. I accepted the offer because I supposed it would be better than spending the week alone with me, myself, and my memories of my other half, as I have been accustomed to for the past year.

Although, I suppose if Anzu-chan hadn't already had other plans with her family for Golden week (they were traveling to Tokyo to visit family), Yuugi-kun would have brought her instead of me. Ah well, why not take whatever bit of fortune is thrown my way? So the people who were going were listed as follows: Mutou Yuugi, duelist; Bakura Ryou, guest of Mutou Yuugi; Jounouchi Katsuya, duelist; Honda Hiroto, guest of Jounouchi Katsuya. At least I suppose that is now the official listing goes. Yeah, since 'mu' comes before 'jo' in the Japanese alphabet, that would be right. And Honda-kun and I would just be tacked on to our respective duelists.

A series of traditional houses were volunteered by their owners to house the Duelists in. This was a very generous act, considering how most Japanese people enjoy their personal space. It was going to be a standard elimination-style tournament as well, nothing so fancy as the Duelist Kingdom or Battle City. The only catch was that you need a special invite to come, so that assured that only the best Duelists in Japan would be there. You can imagine what it was like when Jounouchi-kun received his invitation and brought it to school to show off. I swear he literally leapt in Kaiba-kun's face and shoved it close. Of course, Kaiba-kun, being himself, merely held up his own invite. Jounouchi-kun then made a show of saying how he was finally going to beat Kaiba-kun. After that, I decided to ignore them. This was when Yuugi-kun asked me to come in Anzu-chan's place.

So I suppose this was the reason that I boarded the bus that Sunday, following Yuugi-kun on as the driver checked identifications. I don't think he liked me (or it was another case of gender confusion, whichever) because he stared at me as I boarded and walked past. Do I naturally look suspicious or something?

The bus had six seats per row and an aisle between seats three and four—a standard bus, I suppose. As I sat near the window on the section to my left, I wondered if I remembered to leave tou-san a message on his cell phone, telling him that I would not be home for the week. That's funny, neither would he.

Yuugi-kun sat on the aisle seat near me, leaving a seat between us. This worked well for our carry-on luggage. Jounouchi-kun and Honda-kun took up seats four and five, leaving their window seat open for their carry-on bags. As we waited for our suitcases to be loaded in the cargo area, Yuugi-kun turned to me.

"Bakura-kun, you can scoot over if you like."

"Iie, daijoubu desu, Yuugi-kun." I shook my head and smiled softly, as was accustomed for me, I suppose.

"Okay, you just looked lonely though." He looked at me with genuine concern in that way that only Yuugi-kun can. It makes you really sorry for worrying him.

Again, I shook my head with a smile. "Daijoubu."

I'm surprised Yuugi-kun accepted though. I swear that he hasn't picked up his deck ever since his spirit, the Namonaki Pharaoh (err, I guess he's Atem now) went back to his own time. The spirit of the Ring is gone as well, and all of the Sennen Items are gone. Life has almost gone back to normal. Yuugi-kun is just depressed because he lost the one person closest to him.

I think I fell asleep, because all I did was lay my head down on the window and the next thing I knew, it was evening and Yuugi-tachi was asleep. A few other people were there, mostly trading cards or practice dueling as much as they could on a bus. Insector Haga-kun and Dinosaur Ryuuzaki-kun were towards the back. How is it that they always end up where Yuugi-kun goes? I once heard from Otogi-kun in an email that they had ended up in the American slums (or ghettoes, as he called them) and he had to save them. I had to laugh about that, but I do wonder how they got there. -1-

I heard from Yuugi-kun that Ryouta-kun had turned down the invitations, as had Mai-san. Ryouta-kun was about to head out to sea and Mai-san had found a boyfriend, much to Jounouchi-kun's dismay—he always did have a soft spot that we weren't supposed to know about. No, we were supposed to ignore his blatant yelling, reckless deeds, and innuendos of profession. I wasn't there in America, but I heard stories… mostly about a Baron or Varon or Balon or something like that. I, being Japanese, would pronounce it "Baron" no matter what. From what I've been told, he was some guy who's just like Jounouchi-kun in mannerism that professed affections to Mai-san.

Who else is there to mention? I've mentioned getting a letter from Otogi-kun, but other than that, his DDM is taking off in America like a storm. Jounouchi Shizuka-chan is still living with their mother and cheers her brother on, visiting very often. Honda-kun tends to take Otogi-kun's absence to his advantage, but still none of his advances work (unless you count Jounouchi-kun attempting to strangle him positive, which it can be sometimes).

Malik-kun, Isis-san, and Rishido-san stayed in Egypt, of course, but I haven't heard from them since. I hope they're all right. I'm sure they are. They're probably leading their little lackeys in a revolution of Tomb… guardian… ness… stuff. Or they've integrated themselves into society because there's nothing left to guard.

Yami Bakura, as people had taken to calling him, is gone. I don't know if I'm sad or happy. I'm kind of stoic on the subject. It feels like a hole in me is missing. I just sit back and remember that I once found myself in front of Kaiba-kun's house and he (Yami Bakura) wouldn't tell me why I was there. Of course, Kaiba-kun found me and kicked me off the premises after wondering how I got on without the security system going off. He was even more estranged when I couldn't (in his opinion) logically tell him why. Mokuba-kun believed me about the Yami Bakura explanation. That was one of the few better memories, and I cling to it. He understood me, at least.

Speaking of Kaiba-kun and Mokuba-kun, they will probably both be there. In fact, they're probably there now after riding in on a nice, shiny jet or helicopter. Sometimes life just isn't fair. Actually, I'm surprised he was coming. Yuugi-tachi, while in America, had a Kaiba Land USA (Kaiba Corp. Grand Prix) tournament there with yet another villain trying to… do something evil… and Kaiba-kun couldn't duel due to work. That was his own tournament, too. -2-

Kaiba-kun's still been distant, despite Yuugi-kun's attempts. He still runs Kaiba Corp., and is still making deals with American corporations. As far as I know, there haven't been any assassination attempts as of late, because Mokuba-kun, who is much more social than his older brother, has not asked Yuugi-kun for help.

Then again, I heard from Yuugi-kun that Mokuba-kun has been feeling pretty messed up after some stuff that had to do with a… Kaiba Noa? It was explained to me, but I zoned. It doesn't concern me, even if it was pretty sad at the end. But I was dead at the time. But if he does feel depressed because of that, he's pretty good at hiding it.

This thought process ended just as we entered Kyoto. I turned to Yuugi-kun and shook him awake. He mumbled lightly to me and opened his eyes. "What? Huh?"

"We're in Kyoto."

"Nn." He nodded. "Arigatou."

Within five minutes, Jounouchi-kun and Honda-kun were awake and stretching, and the other duelists were stirring as well, the ones that had been asleep, at least. The ones who had been awake the entire time were shuffling their stuff together. We may have not gotten any verbal mention from the driver, but the sense that we were about to arrive at our destination came over us like the fabled sense of impending doom. Just, hopefully no one would try to kill anyone else this time. That would be nice. Maybe then I won't end up dead again. Sorry, animal instinct of self-preservation kicking in there.

The bus pulled into the stadium area, where there were groups of local people waiting, presumably to pick up their houseguests. There were also people that you could tell were duelists right away. A duelist, especially one who is, and knows not out of ego, that they are good always carries themselves with a sort of… I wouldn't say swagger, but just a way of holding themselves. Yuugi-kun does it, Jounouchi-kun does it, and Kaiba-kun does it. I'm pretty sure that Yami Bakura did it as well, but I never exactly saw what he did with my body.

That came out wrong.

There was an elderly woman with a sign saying "Domino" written on it in katakana. All of the Domino duelists (but not all the duelists that were on the bus, so obviously we had stopped a few other places while I slept) made their way to that woman. She counted us. The Domino people included Yuugi-kun's group that came and Haga-kun and Ryuuzaki-kun. She bid us to follow her, saying that her house was not that far.

We had been walking, I in silence and the others chatting, when Namakura-san, as we found out her name was, exclaimed suddenly, "Oh!"

"What is it?" we asked, fearing that she had hurt herself or something.

"I'm afraid that I can only fit three per room," she said apologetically. "One of you," she pointed at us, Yuugi-tachi, "will have to either sleep with them," insert a point to Haga-kun and Ryuuzaki-kun, "or the other two guests."

We looked at each other. We already knew that none of us were sleeping in the same room as those two, so it was decided that it would be with the other two. Now the question was, who?

Feeling the oddball out all that time, I volunteered myself.

"Are you sure, Bakura-kun?" Yuugi-kun asked. He really was a nice person, he sounded sincere!

"Un," I nodded. I didn't give a reason, but I knew that Jounouchi-kun needed his boost of confidence from being around Yuugi-kun, and Honda-kun… well, Honda-kun probably needed to pick on Jounouchi-kun.

I should have known who the other two were. I'm surprised that they let me room with them. Okay, the younger one would be happy, and that was probably the only reason, besides courtesy, that the older let me. After all, it wasn't his home, was it? He couldn't demand that no one stay with them when the nice lady was loaning out her home, now could he?

Wait; couldn't he have rented the entire floor of a hotel?

"Wait a second… who else is here that wasn't on the bus?" Jounouchi-kun asked suspiciously. This is when it started dawning on us.

"Um…" She looked at her sheet. "Kaiba Seto and Kaiba Mokuba."

Oh great. _What the hell have I gotten myself into?_

* * *

I was not in a good mood by the time we made it to her house. It was not Namakura-san's fault. It was the prospect of sharing a room with the elder of the Kaiba brothers and the fact that Haga-kun and Ryuuzaki-kun were reminding Yuugi-kun and Jounouchi-kun for what I swear was the eighteenth time that they would exact revenge for the America thing, which I was not around to witness, so I was merely confused. I really wished Anzu-chan was here—she would have slapped them. Jounouchi-kun and Honda-kun threatened to, for sure, but they didn't listen.

Namakura-san pointed us to our rooms. The hall, I guess it would be called, was situated like many traditional houses and outside under an overhanging roof. Maybe it's more of a long porch. My room was the one on the farthest left while Yuugi-tachi was in the middle. The other two had the far right. Farther left led to a room that I suppose was the dining room/kitchen area. We bowed gratefully to her.

I walked up to the sliding paper door, holding by suitcase, and called, "Hello?" I didn't want to disturb my roommates if they didn't want to be, now did I? No, that would be suicide.

The door slid open and the tall, blue-eyed classmate of mine that I would be sharing too many hours of Golden Week with greeted me.

"Konbanwa, Kaiba-kun." I bowed shortly and awkwardly. Damn it, I know I just disrespected him! -3-

"Hn." He said shortly, no indication of surprise or contempt, just pure monotony. This is surprising, because it is near impossible to get actual stoicism, especially when your peace was just disturbed by one of the people in the world you want to see the least.

"Aa? Bakura-kun!" Mokuba jumped up from his laptop on the sleeping mat on the other end of the room, smiling. Nice to know someone appreciated my presence. "So you're rooming with us?"

"Un." I nodded, slipping of my shoes and stepping inside timidly. "Konnichiwa, Mokuba-kun. I hope it's not a problem that I'm here…" I trailed off, feeling bad. What if it was a problem?

"Iya." He grinned and shook his head. He looked at his brother, whom I heard no sound from.

I looked around the room briefly. There were three sleeping mats—Mokuba-kun had claimed the one furthest left already, and I assume the middle one was Kaiba-kun's, so that left me with the right one. Oh joy. Someone kill me now.

_No._ I could have sworn I heard the spirit of the Sennen Ring answer. But no, he didn't exist anymore in this time and I did not even have my Ring anymore. That fell down a deep chasm with all the other items. Remembering, my chest suddenly felt light, and not in a good way. There was a longing there, and I did not really know why. I will never find out, either.

Yuugi-kun once took me aside and told me of a conversation that Yami no Yuugi, or Atem, -4- and he (Yuugi-kun) had once. That he, the pharaoh, and my spirit had the obligation that they must protect us, their hosts. He said it was not just out of necessity, but also out of emotion. I find the first part of that logical, but not the second. For Yami Bakura to have emotion would be shocking. I know he was human at one time, but even more than Kaiba-kun, he has given me no reason to believe that he is capable of such emotions. I mentioned this to Yuugi-kun, and he shook his head, mentioning that in their duel against one another on Battle Ship, Yami Bakura had truly been worried that I would die. This left me ambivalent; of course Yami Bakura had denied it. I really don't know what to think about the thief's spirit anymore.

I think he told me this so that I would think of the spirit in a better light now that he was gone, but it just confused me more.

My thoughts were interrupted by a light knock on the wooden frame of the door. It was at this time that I noticed that I had been standing there, staring at a wall and the only noises had been the Kaiba brothers' fingers tapping on the keyboards. Kaiba-kun had a table and chair brought in, and this was his workstation.

I opened the door. Yuugi-tachi was standing there.

"Bakura-kun," Yuugi-kun said, "Namakura-san says that she cooked for us all." Oh wow, she sincerely was a wonderful person.

I shook my head. "I don't feel like eating now."

"Yuugi-kun!" Mokuba-kun ran up next to me and I opened the door further. "Jounouchi-kun, Honda-kun! Konnichiwa!" He waved, grinning.

"Konnichiwa, Mokuba-kun." They waved back.

"Yuugi-kun." Kaiba-kun and Yuugi-kun nodded at one another. I've noticed that Kaiba-kun and Atem never used honorifics for one another. This, rather than use for a close relationship, was more out of respect for one another. It was an awe-inspiring sight sometimes, to see them facing one another, tension mounting and to be able to tell that they saw one another on equal planes. That was what dueling should be. However, it was not inspiring at all what usually came after. He turned to Jounouchi-kun "Make inu."

"Teme!" Jounouchi-kun yelled, ready to pounce, had Honda-kun not grabbed him. This was the plus to having Honda-kun here—he can handle Jounouchi.

A note on what I said earlier: Kaiba-kun has regressed back to calling Yuugi-kun just that, honorific and all, after Atem left. I think he lost a reason for dueling, even if he still does once in a while, after the Pharaoh's leave. He no longer hosts tournaments and challenges no one. All of them have lost the will to duel until now. It was like a spark lit inside of them by Atem's presence has just diminished like a candle blown out by a strong wind.

"You should put a leash on him." Kaiba-kun turned away from the door.

"Um…" I'm sure I looked both exasperated and apologetic.

"I think I'll come to dinner." Mokuba-kun stepped outside and put on his slippers. -5- They were a dark violet blue, like his eyes. Oh look, there's Kaiba-kun's! Blue. I needed to get mine out of my suitcase, didn't I? I've been walking around in my socks.

As Mokuba-kun left, leaving Kaiba-kun and I alone, I closed the door and went to retrieve the said slippers. They were on the top of the pile of clothing. I put them near the door and returned to my mat. Orange really does clash with blue.

It was silent, except for the sound of typing. What the hell was he doing, anyway? Stocks, probably. I never actually got how the stock market worked. I could BS it for tests, but that's about it. Ah well.

After sitting and letting my eyes wander for a few minutes, I decided to go into my backpack and pull out our reading assignment for the week. The essay was in English. I don't like English; it's such a confusing language. Take the word 'were' for example. The textbook said that it is used for placing plural nouns in past tense. However, you do not say 'you was,' you say 'you were.' Unless 'you' are plural people like Yuugi-kun and I, it just doesn't work. 'You all were' I can understand, but singular 'you were'? As I said, a confusing language.

Don't get me wrong, though. I liked the essay itself; I just wouldn't mind reading a Japanese translation. Thoreau's Civil Disobedience is a twenty-four page (in the book I own) essay about the author's act that landed him in jail. It was a small thing—not paying his taxes—but he did it so that he, personally, would not be funding the war that America was having with Mexico at the time. This set a trend of nonconformity so that even Gandhi referenced this act in one of his speeches.

I wonder if Kaiba-kun has already read it. I know that due to the tournament, Jounouchi-kun will be asking Yuugi-kun for a summary, and he would have tried to get his summary from Anzu-chan, who would refuse to tell him, saying that he should have done his homework for himself. This would lead to their asking me. Honda-kun may get some of it done, assuming that Jounouchi-kun does not get in too much trouble.

Thoreau essayed against conformity and government. I liked that.

I still didn't like my English class.

"How far are you?" A low voice asked me. I looked up, and Kaiba-kun was looking at me. I swore my heart stopped. Kami-sama, he was looking at me with no dejecting feel to him! This was momentous! Scary to the point that I was about to have a heart attack because my heart was about to beat out of my chest, but momentous!

" 'Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a just man is also a prison'." I stuttered this out, my English not anywhere near what the young man in front of me was no doubt capable of.

"Hn." He turned back to his computer. I didn't expect him to say anymore. "I have to reread it this week. I haven't read it since I was fourteen."

Oh, that figured. It really did. I didn't mean to sound sarcastic, but it did figure.

"I think Thoreau has the right idea, though." I commented, feeling a little braver (or possibly suicidal). If nothing else, I could always run out of the room, yammering like an idiot, and hide behind Mokuba-kun for the rest of the week. "Why should you have to physically support something that you feel is wrong? Because someone tells you to?"

This must have sounded strange coming from me because he raised an eyebrow. I must admit that I do look like the one who would conform to anything and everything thrown at me. I certainly was used to it; Yami Bakura has controlled me since I was very young. Hell, I should have been the one calling him Master, not the other way around. I still found that almost funny. My show of opinion must have meant that I was developing some of his qualities. Oh, fun. Next thing you know, I'm going to be stealing stuff for the fun of it and putting little children into comas.

"And democracy… is it really all that can be done with government? Is there nothing else that can be changed to make it better? I mean, I know that it's different from his point because various points of democracy changed over time and it's a little different from our version of it, but…" I trailed off.

He was silent for a few moments. "There is always a change that can be made to anything having to do with humans. They are always imperfect, especially when it comes to expressions of ideals and emotion." He made eye contact with me, and his eyes had a different light in them. It wasn't his defiant look that he gets around Yuugi-tachi, but more of a look of someone who knows that they can change something, but yet they can't. I wondered how many times he'd felt that sense of hopelessness. I felt a blush rising to my cheeks as I looked at him, both of us sort of frozen there. My heart sped out of control. Why was I the one stuck with him when he decided to act out of character? Maybe he was doing this for the sole purpose of scaring me off!

I ducked my head suddenly, breaking the spell. I was conscious of the fact that he was still looking at me, but then I felt his gaze turn and I gave a silent sigh of relief.

What was that? I felt like my heart was going to burst, and it began to hurt as it slowed. I couldn't get rid of the blush on my face. What was it? It scared me, whatever it was.

I couldn't comfortably move out of the room now, though I desperately wanted to. If Yami Bakura were still here, I'd let him take over and do whatever the hell he wanted, so long as it got me out of the room and did not conclude in irreversible damage. That last condition slowly began to fade, though, as seconds ticked by.

The sound of typing resumed. I opened my book slowly. Things weren't back to normal. I didn't think they ever would be.

Why didn't I go to dinner with Yuugi-tachi? This entire thing would have been prevented. I wouldn't be scared now. Why was I scared? I had no reason. The young man here wouldn't hurt me, and I knew this, even if he was more than a little intimidating. But this wasn't the same fear I had during that one segment of the Yami Bakura versus Yami no Yuugi duel when I was so close to death. This wasn't that fear, this was something else. I don't know. Shit, what's wrong with me?

_Stupid yadonushi._

_Yami Bakura, I wish that you were here._ I really did now, even if it was just to insult and to harass me. Even if you were to attempt harm upon me, your presence would comfort at least a little. And it's for the reason that you would take over my body, too. But not only that, but with you here, I was able to waste my life, to speak bluntly, by doing and saying things I'd never do otherwise (though I never exactly took this opportunity). I knew that you wouldn't let your precious host die, even if you could just call to some other poor child and control them.

_Why are you gone?_

Kaiba-kun stopped typing. I felt my head barely registering this because it felt so light. When did I lie down? My head was on the pillow. My index finger was firmly planted in the book to save my page and I could feel my eyes closing. It was all barely registering now. I was going to fall asleep in this ungraceful opinion, curled up like a five-year-old, holding a book. I had no energy to get under the blankets either. Crap, I was not getting sick, was I?

_Well, at least it's Golden Week—I shouldn't freeze. _

_Oh well, just give up. Resistance is futile. Cows go moo._

_What the?_

_Sleep._

_I like blankets._

_Sleep._

_My book… where is it? I think I lost my place. Ah shit, such inconvenience._

_Potty mouth! Potty mouth!_

_Sleep, you damn fool._

_Blankets are nice._

_Sleep…

* * *

_

Monday

Kaiba-kun snores. It isn't loud, and was more like just deep breathing, but he does. Or to correct myself, he makes oral noises while sleeping.

Get your minds out of the gutter.

I woke up the next morning quickly. I bolted up. Mokuba raised an eyebrow at me. "What time is it?" I slurred.

"Eight." He answered. "You fell asleep early last night."

"What time?" Ow, my head. Light.

He shrugged. "You were asleep when I got back from dinner, and that was around seven." He furrowed his eyebrows. "You aren't sick, are you?"

I shook my head. "Just tired. School." I looked around. Kaiba-kun was still asleep on his back.

Mokuba-kun noticed me looking. "He didn't go to sleep until five this morning. I checked how long his computer's been idle." Well, I guess that's as good an indicator as any.

Kami-sama, how the hell does he do that? Kaiba-kun not getting sleep, I mean.

Mokuba-kun chuckled. It was more light and happy than that of his brother's. "You looked comfortable though. You had the blanket pulled over half of your head. It looked like a giant cocoon."

W-what? But I just fell asleep. Mokuba-kun didn't cover me and Yuugi-tachi couldn't have because they had been with him. That left…

I felt my face redden deeply. Not only did I just fall asleep in front of one of the wealthiest men in Japan, but he also tucked me in. Oh kami-sama, I was too embarrassed to move.

I looked at his face. It certainly is less intense when he's asleep. I wondered what he dreamt about. They couldn't be nightmares; he looked too peaceful. His eyelids were shut tight, but looked so delicately closed and his breathing was deep and slow. His arms were by his side, but they were relaxed. What was he dreaming? How could he look so peaceful? Was he human?

This was different from the reason I wondered prior to this. Before I would wonder because he seemed so inhuman and more like a demon with his anger, his ego, and his vengeance. But now this complete change confused me. Was this the same person?

I was staring. I just realized this, but I was staring at him. I'd been staring at him and still was. I felt the same fear rise up in me from last night. Shit. Someone help me.

Why?

* * *

As you have noticed, I use the honorifics and stuff like that.

kun is standard for boys and some females and notes an equality in status.

chan is standard for females and some males (usually family members or close friends… I don't get the non-family guy side of it much) and notes equality in status.

san is what you add for someone older or higher in ranking or status than you (an exception being if they're friendly enough to allow you to call them otherwise)

sama is a high honorific used for someone of great respect (like Seto's employees say to him or Mokuba saying "nii-sama")

People usually call each other by their surnames (or last names, I suppose you could call them…). Generally, you would only use a given name if they were family, close friends, lovers (though not always), or something like that. If they are not family, then I suppose permission is usually granted to use someone's first name. I don't know specifics and I seem to always find exceptions… I don't know all of the rules, so blah! But definitely something about equality.

Iie, daijoubu desu: No, it's okay

Namonaki Pharaoh: Nameless Pharaoh

Konbanwa: Good evening.

Iya: No (informal)

Make inu: Pathetic dog (Another nice name of Seto's for Jounouchi)

Teme: A way of saying 'you' that is insulting in that it is more… informal. But not an informal that you use with friends. That's how I've seen it, at least. Roughly can be termed as 'you bastard'.

Yadonushi: King's property—this is what Yami no Bakura called Ryou, at least during series 2 and the manga, I believe. Series 1 I don't know. But it has a none-too-subtle hint that Yami no Bakura thinks highly of himself. Also add that he says 'ore-sama' for 'I' instead of just 'ore' and… blah.

1- That was probably some of the funniest stuff I had ever seen. The Daatsu story arc that WB has started on… (this chapter was made over a year ago, thank you) But somehow, Haga and Ryuuzaki managed to stow away in a big bag to America on a plane.

2- Oh, the KC Grand Prix arc… stupid Vivian. It's the arc after the previously mentioned one, and the whole purpose is that Seto and Mokuba hold a tournament in Kaiba Land USA. Mokuba handed out invites, so of course Yuugi and Jounouchi were there. However, Seto couldn't duel cause he had too much work and a white suit that looked horrible on him. BURN IT! But the villain, Jikku-sama, has pink hair and is completely immodest—he strips in front of his servants. Stupid Vivian… she's hitting on both Yuugi and Seto at the same time… growls Then Leon! He's so kyoot!

3- In Japan, the lower and longer the bow, the more honors that it gives to the person being bowed to. A short bow would be very casual, and an insult to people that you barely know.

4- At the end of the manga, I believe Yami no Bakura goes bye-bye and I know that Yami no Yuugi goes back to Egypt. Also, all the Items are destroyed. And Yami no Yuugi's name is Atem. I've just killed everything for y'all, haven't I? I WARNED YOU!

5- People in Japan wear slippers in houses, leaving their shoes near the door.


	2. Numb

**Feel **

* * *

So… chapter 2… who's up for food? I mean, we can skip this and you can get food. Unless you're sick or something, then I apologize for mentioning food and think you should get rest. Unless then there's an evil demon antagonizing you when you sleep so that the majority of your energy's gone from placing barriers and protection spells around your room and invoking various gods and stuff. Then I fully sympathize.

Ignore me.

The biggest problem with this fic has been, well, halfway through this chapter and some icky writer's block, and naming it. Naming it has been a pain in the ass. In fact, as I'm typing this, I still don't know. I'm just smiling along with Fuji-kun (Prince of Tennis). I love downloading music… Fuji-kun has a great voice… I want the next manga, though that has nothing to do with the voice. But I had a name this morning 9-14-04 (that's how long ago the first half of this chapter was written), but I was walking that street and a half to my bus stop, so no typing on the computer for me. But obviously if the fic is up, I have a name for it.

This fic is so detached… I just realized that. I've been immersed in Violets and Emeralds, which is in Otogi-kun's POV, and my version of his is so into his surroundings and random that it is quite the opposite of this. Gah…

INSERT EVIL AUTHOR INSERTS HERE! Yes, my brother and I appear because I needed some characters. (AKA: This is where the story kinda plummets.)

And Yami no Yuugi and Yami no Bakura will not be appearing in this fic. Neither will Malik-tachi, Otogi, Anzu, or many more people. I kind of wish I could realistically include Malik, cause I like him… ah well. mentally reprimands herself for not doing her English reading… which she should be doing as she types this

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Numb**

* * *

Monday

I was starving when Yuugi-tachi came. I hadn't eaten dinner the previous day, if I remember correctly. Oh yeah.

Kaiba-kun had just barely woken up before they came. He sat up and looked around, hair perfectly in place except for one lock that he flicked over at once. As he stood, I got a good look at him. He had no shirt on and was wearing only loose pants.

Shit, why was I reacting?

Kami-sama no, I couldn't be… I mean I knew I was rather feminine, but still! Some straight guys could be feminine, right?

Good! He put a shirt on. I felt better now. If I was to find out I'm gay, I'd prefer greatly to find out because of some guy that I knew and liked, not some jerk. But I'm not gay, so there's no problem, ne?

Yami Bakura would be laughing at me right now. I wished he was, then he could beat it out of my head that I was a normal, straight male, even if I had died several times, all because of him… did I really want him back now? And I don't have anything against gay people—more power to them, but it is frightening to find yourself on that edge when you've just assumed all your life that you were straight.

Wait, that made it sound as if I was speaking from experience…

I'm going to shut up now. I'll end up insulting someone, if I haven't already. I'm sorry, anyone whom I have insulted.

To be blunt, since I was in yesterday's clothes still anyway, I pulled on my slippers and went over to the main house, where I could smell breakfast. Namakura-san smiled at me. "I missed you and Kaiba-san yesterday for dinner."

I bowed. "I'm sorry. I was tired. Thank you for the accommodations, ma'am."

"You needn't be so respectful." She laughed, referring to the fact that I had bowed very low. "We haven't been fully introduced, have we? I am Namakura Minami. Hajimemashite." She bowed briefly.

"Bakura Ryou, hajimemashite. Yoroshiku dozo." I did the same, but a little deeper. This was out of context since we had technically met before, but it was very polite of her. (1)

It was at this point of time that Yuugi-tachi joined me. While they had gotten me up, Jounouchi-kun had realized that he had left his slippers in the room in his half-sleep state and they had run back to help his search as I was contemplating my sexuality.

"Ohayou!" They yelled. Kaiba-kun had to be up now and probably wasn't happy, hearing Jounouchi-kun's voice first thing in the morning. I have a headache.

I looked around, now noticing that Haga-kun and Ryuuzaki-kun were sitting around the table. Hot cakes sat on two plates. Oh kami-sama, this woman is a generous goddess. There's food.

"Itadakimasu."

I sat down at the table, taking a plate and grabbing a couple of the cakes. So hungry… I needed a hairbrush after this.

"Ohayou gozaimasu!" Mokuba-kun yelled, making his presence known. Namakura-san had just greeted Yuugi-tachi and now she pleasantly returned the young boy's welcome.

Jounouchi-kun plopped down next to me, having a rather intense glaring contest with Ryuuzaki-kun. Insert sigh here.

"Ohayou, Bakura-kun." Yuugi-kun and Honda-kun said as once. Jounouchi-kun mumbled the same greeting, not once taking his glare away from the guy in front of him.

I finished breakfast pretty quickly, though I am not a fast eater when compared to Jounouchi-kun, once he stopped his glaring contest. I swear I would loose a hand if it came in his general vicinity. Mokuba and Namakura-san were obviously not used to this because they looked a little confused, and the latter rather amused.

"That reminds me of my husband when he was younger." She laughed. "Does anyone want some tea?"

"Hai!"

She began pulling out the cups.

"Let me help you, please." I jumped up, taking four of the cups.

"No, no. I can manage." She assured.

"Think of it as beginning repayment for housing us in your home. You've been so kind already." She blushed at this and I smiled. I managed to pick up a fifth one between my hands. I must have looked like a circus clown or something.

I had to stop myself from dropping all of them as I turned around. Kaiba-kun was in the doorway, looking at me. I could feel my face heat up quickly. He was dressed in clean clothing. His coat, seeing as he had reverted back to his original color of blue, gave him an intimidating presence.

"Ohayou nii-sama!" Mokuba-kun called to his brother cheerfully.

"Ohayou." Everyone else said one by one.

"Ah! Ohayou, Kaiba-san!" Namakura-san picked up the rest of the cups. Was there room at the table anymore? "I assume that you were able to get your computers to work?"

"Yes ma'am." He nodded. With a short bow, he added, "Arigatou gozaimasu."

I watched my feet as I walked now, unable to look up because he might look at me again and I would have to drop everything. I don't even know why, damn it! Why does it matter if he thinks I'm an idiot?

Oh, he was just the guy making you question your sexuality a few minutes ago.

I think I'm getting myself worked up in my confusion. I feel a sudden heat wave pass through my body.

I set the cups down on the table and picked up my plate in a jerky manner. Namakura-san met me halfway to the kitchen and took it from me, I unable to resist.

"Do you want any tea yourself?" She asked.

I shook my head. "Iie."

"Are you alright, Bakura-kun?" Yuugi-kun asked. Shit, now I could tell they were all noticing me. All I wanted was to stay out of sight, in the background. Now that the spotlight had been cast on me, even for this small thing, I could feel anxiety seizing me. Why can't I-?

I nodded my head, picking it up from my slippers momentarily. I was correct; everyone was looking at me.

"You sure you aren't sick?" Honda-kun asked.

"Nii-sama, maybe you should help him back to the room." Mokuba-kun suggested. Yeah, that's all I needed.

I shook my head and started walking on my own. As I reached the door where Kaiba-kun stood still, I stopped and bowed to Namakura-san. "Goshisousama. Arigatou gozaimasu." He moved out of the way as I walked at a quick pace out of the room.

"Bakura-kun?" A chorus of voices rose.

"Kaiba! Leave him alone!" Jounouchi-kun's voice yelled, indicating that the thumping was not only my heart, but also Kaiba-kun's footsteps behind me. I get the feeling he let me enter our room before confronting me because I heard the door close behind me. Why Jounouchi-kun is not barreling in the door now and no doubt breaking it, I haven't the slightest. Honda-kun and Yuugi-kun are probably preventing it.

He stood and waited until I turned to him. I didn't need this. Not now. Shit. Why was this happening to me? I didn't even like the guy! He's a heartless jerk a-and… he's himself, an egotistical bastard.

"Bakura-kun," he started. He actually knows my name. Why did that make me want to cry? "Daijoubu ka?"

How could I be? I'm so confused. It's all your fault, you know that? Of course, I can't tell you that. I don't even know why it's your fault and not someone else's. Someone I know better and could explain it to without being too embarrassed. Or scared. I really am scared right now. I don't care if almost everyone has a touch of this problem at some point, when they question their sexuality. Before this, I never really showed physical attraction to anyone. Hell, I didn't even show physical attraction to he who confuses me now! What about me is so different now than, say, Duelist Kingdom or Battle City? Sure I am lacking my Ring and stronger half, but that shouldn't really account for anything!

Why was I attracted to you, of all people?

I must not have answered him, because he took another step towards me. I didn't move. I couldn't really, as he slowly stepped closer and touched my forehead, which was now sweating. This seemed worse than any nightmare I could ever dream.

To get something straightened out here, and ignoring the odd irony in the statement, I don't like Kaiba-kun. I don't have a crush on him. Even if I did, I would do everything in my power to get rid of it.

I just… find him physically attractive. That's what scares me. Kami-sama help me, I just found out that I'm gay because of my friends' archenemy. And he's standing less than two feet away from me right now, feeling my sweaty forehead and there was no way for me to hide my flushed cheeks.

_Great Ryou, you're getting yourself sick._ What do they call it when you do that? There's a name for it. You think so much that you are or you worry so much that you make yourself sick and it's all in your head, but you do show symptoms. Psychosomatic! That's it! This fever is psychosomatic, and if I calm down, it will go away.

Sure, you try calming down in my position.

"You feel like you have a fever." He said finally, removing his hand from my forehead. It had actually felt a little nice—his hand was cool. "That could be why you went to bed early last night. You should go to sleep."

I nodded, swallowing hard. Yes, I'll blame it on being sick. You know, I do feel a little shaky. Crap, it's all because of my mind that I'm sick. This is a good excuse to stop thinking.

I think I just fell on my mattress. That's all I remember.

* * *

I woke up to the cool rag on my forehead. It felt nice until I remembered what exactly had transpired. I then felt a blush coming up to my cheeks again.

My eyes were still closed as I heard footsteps coming towards me, and a hand feel the rag on my head. It was brief, but I could tell from the firmness that it was Kaiba-kun.

"How is he, nii-sama?" Mokuba-kun asked.

"Still a little warm." Kaiba-kun answered. The rag was removed from my head and his hand itself rested there now, feeling my temperature. _Wait… _My eyes shot open and I saw Kaiba-kun's face directly in front of mine, far too close for comfort.

I yelped. He pulled away slowly and opened his eyes. I hope I didn't just make him go deaf… but he was the one putting his face so close to mine! So he was checking my temperature… he still put his face too close! My logic says that I am not at fault!

Then again, since when has my logic proved of use? I should be classified with Jounouchi-kun and Otogi-kun in that. My logic is mine. There, I like that. It's logical.

I wonder if I can switch with someone? I'm still not desperate enough to room with Haga-kun and Ryuuzaki-kun, but with Kaiba-kun staring at me like that, that may change soon.

Ah, what to do now?

A knock interrupted everything. Namakura-san came in with some tea. I sat up as she entered and hoped I looked at least a little presentable.

"You're awake?" She asked. "Are you feeling better?"

"A little." I answered quietly, accepting the cup of tea that she was handing me. My mind had calmed down from its frantic state of earlier and that, in turn, made the stupid psychosomatic fever go away.

"Bakura-kun, what's wrong with you?" Mokuba-kun asked. He looked so worried standing there, unlike his brother, who was just looking like I was a waste of his time. See, this is why he will never get anyone.

Not that I'm interested. Let's just stay clear on that. Yeah.

"I'm just a little out of it." I gave a small laugh. Yeah, after that small embarrassment, I do feel a little better.

He nodded slowly with this 'no duh' look on his face. "I can tell." His voice reflected the expression.

"Kaiba-san," Namakura-san asked, "when does the tournament start?"

"The orientation is this evening around six." He answered concisely. "The actual tournament begins tomorrow afternoon. It is in an elimination style, from what I have heard." Which is no doubt everything.

She nodded. "My grandchildren are interested in watching. They are coming to visit tonight." Her eyes widened. "I forgot to mention that, didn't I?"

Mokuba-kun and I nodded.

"Well, I will probably announce it at lunch. They should be here by dinner." She smiled. "It's been so long since I've seen them. My granddaughter should be about your age and my grandson maybe a year older than you." She indicated Mokuba-kun, who, if Kaiba-kun is eighteen, is twelve right now.

"Why don't you ever see them?" Mokuba-kun asked.

"They live in America, where their father is from. Their mother was my third out of four children. The others live in Hokkaido, Osaka, and Tokyo. I see them a little more often, as you can imagine." She paused. "Well, I have some work to do. I will leave you now." She bowed, as did we (or I did as much as I could while sitting on the floor), and left.

"What time is it now?" I asked after a few seconds. Kaiba-kun had moved back to his computer. The nervousness in my stomach had receded, something that I was not going to complain about.

"About 10:30." Mokuba-kun answered after checking his watch.

Oh my. I have been sleeping the day away, haven't I? So much reading, so little time…

* * *

Lunchtime found me lying on my stomach on a blanket in the yard, reading. Namakura-san had come out and found me sitting under her sakura tree and brought the blanket out so that I could not get grass stains on my clothes. So I was lying there, quite comfortably reading under the shade of the tree. A breeze blew now and then, ruffling a few pages and tossing entwined, bare branches.

I could smell the food even before the crunch of grass told me that someone was coming to announce it. I turned over and saw Kaiba-kun approaching me. His hair was wet, so I imagine he just got out of the bath. I pushed my thoughts on that observation aside very quickly.

"Lunch?" I asked nonchalantly. I felt unnaturally calm. Maybe it was just the setting. He nodded in reply and opened his mouth slightly, as if he were about to say something, but that just faded.

I stood and wiped myself off, looking myself over to make sure that there were no leaves or anything stuck on me.

"Right there." I looked up and Kaiba-kun was pointing at my hair.

"Hn?" I felt around, and then started clawing in frustration. Gah, why must leaves be so hard to remove from hair? Where would the leaf have come from anyway? The trees that were blooming were on the other side of the lawn!

Time seemed to freeze suddenly, or at least run painfully slow. Kaiba-kun reached over and removed the leaf from my hair so gently that I could hardly feel it. I could only stare at his hand as he drew it away and dropped the leaf. It was like those anime shows. It was very unnerving.

"Thank you." I managed to mutter. I cleared my throat and put on a happy personage. "Well, shall we go to lunch? Everyone must be waiting."

I shouldn't try to be an actor. I could tell that I was as transparent as perfectly clear glass. Something in me was unnerved, shaken from its place. It's almost like someone is chipping at my centerpiece, making reference to the keystone that holds an arch together. If you get rid of the keystone at the top of the arc, the whole thing will crumble and collapse. Someone is chipping at my keystone slowly and like a giant stone archway, I cannot retaliate. Unlike the said archway, I can react very ungracefully, but I cannot defend myself still. That must be why I am so shaken.

It's so odd that I can even try to put up a façade. I am usually so easily bent that none is needed, but here I am, trying to push everything under the proverbial rug and shove those skeletons in the closet, as I believe the saying goes.

I tossed my book on top of my sleeping mat from the doorway and followed Kaiba-kun into the dining area. Namakura-san was just telling the others about her grand children as we arrived. A bowl of rice sat in the middle of the table along with other dishes. I really wished this woman were my grandmother.

"Where's Mokuba-kun?" I observed his absence.

"Bath." Kaiba-kun answered shortly. I need a bath too sometime, don't I? Though it may be more crucial for the Duelists to do so first, seeing as… shouldn't they be there at least a little before start time? And they have to look cool or else it just doesn't work.

I did need a bath though. That would be nice. Just… at a more normal time of day and not in the middle of the afternoon.

Screw it; if there's a bath opening, I'll jump at it.

* * *

"Obaa-san!" A young girl with short brown hair flew in the door at about thee forty-five that afternoon. Following her was a taller boy, who politely took off his shoes before running in. The girl seemed to notice this and took off her shoes, placing them at the door. She then blinked and stared at me before adjusting her glasses. I had just gotten out of my bath and had a towel on my head. I judged her to be about fourteen and her brother, I assumed, sixteen.

"Ah, Courtney, Conner!" Namakura-san came in and hugged her grandchildren. Those were American names. Kami-sama knows I couldn't pronounce correctly them if I tried. American names sounded funny. Then again, they probably think our names sound funny.

"_Is this one of the duelists?_ " The boy asked something in English. I didn't know which name was his because I don't know American names. It's very confusing to me.

"No, he's one of the guests." Namakura-san answered. The girl paused for a few seconds before translating for her brother. Family reunions must be very, _very_ odd.

"Konnichiwa." She bowed. "_Boku wa Courtney da_." Ah, she must be learning, because not only was she very informal, but also using one of the ways of saying 'I' that is usually considered male. "Yoroshiku, hajimemashite."

"My name is Bakura Ryou, hajimemashite." I bowed back. I spoke slower than I usually would, because I assume that it may be difficult for her to keep up with a normal flow of language.

"This is my brother, Conner." She pointed at her brother. "He can't speak Japanese well." I kind of noticed that earlier. "He's thirteen."

What the hell? The boy was as tall as me! Must be his father… he's American, right? Does that mean that the girl is my age? She's about Yuugi-kun's height!

"Oh?" Jounouchi-kun came up. "These the grandkids?"

I nodded. "Un."

Insert introductions here.

Namakura-san introduced her grandchildren to everyone. I found it amusing that Courtney-san was a little shorter than Yuugi-kun. Yuugi-kun seemed to find it a relief.

Did you know that Mokuba-kun knows English? Very fluently? He tried to strike up a conversation with Conner-san in Japanese, but then realized that the poor boy was staring at him in a confused way. He then started the conversation in English, and I was left sitting there, now the confused one.

"You seem surprised." Kaiba-kun came up behind me, scaring me to the point that my heart was screwing up. Kami-sama, he knows how to sneak up on people! "Mokuba and I both know English very well."

"It's just rare for someone his age." I tried to explain myself. He was staring at me with his blue eyes. I felt a shiver up my spine that was only half from fear. That, in turn, made me a little more scared.

"Circumstance," he said simply.

I nodded. Yeah, yeah, circumstance is the reason for everything. The reason I am here is under the circumstance that Anzu-chan could not come. Circumstance.

I wondered briefly what Kaiba-kun saw when he spoke to me. I mean, I know that he saw a white-haired boy clumsily finding words, but what did he see when it came to how he felt? Did he see an annoying white-haired boy who really just needed to be silent? That's how I felt.

"What made you want to come?"

The question startled me, as could be seen from the slight jerk of my body and eyes widening a bit. "Well, Anzu-chan couldn't come, so Yuugi-kun invited me." I knew that wasn't what he was looking for, so his silence bade me on. Have you ever noticed that when someone stares at you, you begin to explain every little thing in hopes of getting them to stop? This is especially true for intense stares—though I've just noticed that Kaiba-kun was not staring at me intensely, just as one would in normal conversation, such as an exchange between Yuugi-kun and myself. "I felt like getting out, I suppose. The tournament seemed interesting and I hoped to take a trip where no one ended up dead." I shrugged. "And it's not like I have anyone to go home to."

That was true. I had no one to go home to. Amane (2) died and tou-san got me the Ring and my parents divorced and I isolated myself so that no one would get hurt anymore. The Ring and its inhabitant were gone as well. I had no one to go home to.

I was alone.

* * *

Translations

ne: this particle is usually added onto the end of a phrase or comment when you expect agreement. thinks of an example "Kyou wa ii tenki desu, ne?" "Today has nice weather, right?" Or, "It's nice weather today, isn't it?"

Hajimemashite: "Nice to meet you", basically. More explanations later.

Yoroshiku dozo: "Please be kind to me" is more of a direct translation. More explanations to come.

Ohayou: Good Morning. Gozaimasu can be added on for formality.

Itadakimasu: Um… no real translation, but along the lines of "thank you for this meal" and to be used only before eating.

Hai: Yes. More formal than "un."

Nii-sama: Short for onii-sama, one way of saying "brother" that notes great respect. Also used are onii-san, onii-chan, aniki for older brothers, and otouto for younger ones. I believe Seto refers to Mokuba as otouto.

Goshisousama: According to various notes I've taken, this is like the after-meal version of itadakimasu.

Daijoubu ka: "Daijoubu" indicates health. Adding "ka" on the end indicates a question. So it translates to "are you healthy?" Daijoubu ja nai would be "I'm not healthy" because "ja nai" is a negative. Or, instead of healthy, it is often translated to "alright." The word "Ogenki" or "genki," for short, can be used the same way, I believe, even if genki translates to energy.

Konnichiwa, boku wa (name) da: Informal way of saying "Hi, my name is (insert name here). Don't use this upon meeting someone.

(1) On introductions: It's traditional to say to someone you first meet, "Hajimemashite" and "Yoroshiku dozo" or "Yoroshiku," depending on their seniority. It's just considered polite, even if it may seem strange at first. Dozo is added for respect and manners. Please, impress anyone you present yourself to! You only get to say "Yoroshiku" once, so make it count!

Oh, and the reason it may be considered out of context for Ryou and Namakura-san: they've technically met already, though haven't introduced themselves formally yet. I guess it may be in context… I don't know. I'm not a native speaker, nor an actual in-school student of the language.

_Please do not use what I teach you as a supplement to actual learning of the language. I make a lot of mistakes. If you note one, please tell me, so I can reference it and change it if necessary._

(2) Amane is Ryou's dead little sister. At least I think that's her name. It starts with an 'a' and ends with an 'e'. Ryou had a sad past. It made me sad. My throat hurts 'cause I think I'm getting both Mom and Dad's two different illnesses. But I can't miss school, lest I miss my exemptions from Finals. It's my senior year, I am not taking all my Finals, damn it!

Nm, another note: Psychosomatic illnesses are real. People who believe they have something will start showing symptoms, even though they don't have it. I don't quite know if what happened to Ryou would really be considered psychosomatic, but I just based it off of what happens to me before I randomly pass out.

It's the day after prom. I'm dead tired. The emperor (AKA, the prettiest guy in the entire school) was made prom king. He had this awesome outfit. I'm tired. I would skip school tomorrow, but… I have a reading check in English and the make up essay makes it all not worth it.

Thank you readers/reviewers! It makes me warm and fuzzy… like a virus. Like how we described the Seto/Ryou virus.


	3. Like

**Feel**

I realized… this fic has been fermenting for a LONG time. I reread chapter 2 so that I could get back into the feel of it, and realized that. In fact, from when I am writing this, the beginning of chapter one was written a little over a year ago. In fact, it was on the upstairs computer before I weaned myself off it to be on this computer now. '

Unfortunately, the computer on which I am now does not have the technology to create CDs. cries

And yes, my name is Courtney. I am a short (4'10"), half-Caucasian, half-Chinese girl that everyone but Dr. Fleming and Bob the Awesome Flamboyantly Gay Substitute thinks is Hispanic. The other child is Conner, my adorable little brother who is hitting 5'8" and will soon be a foot taller than me. I resent. But then again, I get to embarrass him when movies that I really want to see come out, like, say, the Yugioh movie. While I was jumping around, yelling about 'Blue Eyes Shiny' and having ten-year-olds stare at me like I was crazy, he got to order drinks and pretend that I did not exist. --

And this has been posted Wednesday night, most likely, the night before I get to wake up at three-thirty in the morning to get on an airplane to Florida for the Orchestra trip. I'm posting this now because that means I get to open my email when I get home and see many reviews… or, at least a few.

**Note**: "_Something written in italics and quotations is spoken in English._" So therefore, Ryou would not be able to understand it.

Oh, and I found out that golden week takes place between April 29th and May 5th, wherever those days may be. I've decided that for this fic, time will follow the 2005 pattern, and April 29th will be the Friday before they came, so that way Golden Week will end Thursday, as it does this year.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Like

* * *

**

Monday

During orientation, Honda-kun, Mokuba-kun, and I sat there, staring and wishing for an event to happen, or at least I was. I mean, I was actually wishing for something to explode or a blackout or something that did not end in my demise—again.

The three of us were with Namakura-san's grandchildren. She herself did not feel like going to the orientation. That was all this was—an orientation meeting. The actual dueling started tomorrow morning. But I felt obligated to go, as did Honda-kun. Mokuba-kun was going to go anyway, probably for some technical reason that I would never understand. Also, being polite guests, we volunteered to chauffer Courtney-san and Conner-san, who had wanted to go. I was not quite sure why, and Courtney-san ended up pulling out a book that was written in English. Conner-san was watching intently. He looked like a duelist. Not the swagger that I mentioned earlier, but his eager eyes indicated it. He, Honda-kun, and Mokuba-kun talked. Err, Mokuba-kun acted as a translator and added in his own opinions. They got by somehow.

"Conner mostly wanted to come." Courtney-san said to me in, once again, rough and basic Japanese. "I am interested a little in the actual dueling, but I'm here to watch him." She indicated her brother.

"What grade are you in?" I asked. I was curious.

"My senior year of high school ends in about a month." Oh yeah, American schools have semesters instead of trimesters. Weird school system.

"Our third year just started."

She nodded in reply and then paused. "Is there some tension between you and Kaiba-san?"

I blinked. "Why?"

She shrugged. "You seemed a little awkward when he was talking to you."

"Well, he is a little scary to have looking at you."

"Yeah," she agreed. "I noticed that too. But it was a different awkward, not so much that you were afraid of him as something else."

Shit, did she know? I heard that some girls have excellent gaydar, but how? And it's not like I am completely gay, am I? I mean, sure the only person that I have ever been attracted to was a guy, but still!

Calm. Calm…

"I don't know." I answered finally.

"It's hard to, sometimes, and probably best that you don't." She paused and closed her book, making sure the bookmark was firmly in place. "It's better to be cautious than to jump right into something that could leave you broken."

I don't know why, but hearing it from someone else, even this girl that I did not know, made it seem all the more plausible. I looked down at the stage area where the duelists were gathered. Kaiba-kun stood a head above almost everyone else, so he was not that difficult to spot. Perhaps it was a figment of my imagination or a product of biased thoughts based on the previous conversation, but he seemed so much clearer now, so much more refined and so much more lit by the spotlights than any of the others. Perhaps it was a product of the previous conversation, but my heart began to beat quicker than ever.

If I was this far gone, why did I even try to stop it?

Good question, but also quite easy to answer. I was scared. I am scared, still. Not only because I was suddenly finding out that I was gay, but because of who it was. That coin had two sides. I already had established that he is the rival of my friends. However, I also feared his reaction if he ever found out. All of this somehow tied into the random bouts of desperation lately.

I did not love him. It was merely attraction on the physical level. However, the more I learned about him, the less I seemed to dislike him. In fact, I was to the point of acceptance, though prejudices are difficult to forget, as Thoreau said. He said many things that made sense.

I was afraid that if I did learn about him, I would fall, and that would force me into an abyss from which there was no escape.

Have I accepted that I was gay? Perhaps. That is not really something that you can do all at once in a situation such as this. It has to come gradually. Even if you say the words, there are still thoughts otherwise in your mind.

I really needed to come to terms with myself.

"Does he like you?"

I shook my head. That was an impossibility, and even with my coming acceptance, if I were to find out that he did right now, I would have to reject him. That may sound horrible to some, but it was how I felt.

I am quite finicky, aren't I?

"Do you like him?"

"No," I whispered verbally. No, it just hurts.

She answered in English, probably just a mumbling of my apparent stupidity. That's how I would react to me right now.

"_Liar._"

* * *

In the pamphlet we received about the trip, it recommended to bring clothing for Golden Week festivals that would be going on at the time. Anzu-chan jumped at the chance to pick out what sort of traditional yukata (a more casual type of kimono) would look good on each of us. Mine ended up being light blue (more like white with a slight tint of blue) with light silvery-gray sakura petals sewn into it. I suppose it looked good, and if I had even thought of going against Anzu-chan in the decision, I would no doubt be in no state to attend any festivals right now.

I even had getas. You know, the little wooden sandals? Anzu-chan went all out.

After the orientation, we went back to Namakura-san's home. On the way back, we noticed shops setting up stands. Since everyone, with the exception of Kaiba-kun and myself, seemed to be very excited, they decided that we would all go in a group. The festival was going to last all week, so I did not see what the big hurry was.

I got my bath at least. That was what mattered.

It embarrassed me to go back to the room without wearing a shirt, but I had gotten it soaked by accident. Plus, I would be changing straight to my yukata, so it shouldn't have mattered.

I slid open to door to reveal Kaiba-kun about to leave. We stared at each other a few moments as I realized that he was already dressed in a dark blue yukata with white oriental dragons sewn in.

I then realized that I was only half dressed and squeaked. He must have heard the sound because his eyebrow raised in what may have been amusement.

"I'll move out of your way." He slid past me.

I was dumbfounded. Blushing profusely, I ran into the room and slid the door shut quickly behind me. _Ah, Ryou, you're such an idiot!_ I got dressed into my yukata without any words and my head hung a little low.

I would not allow myself to dwell on the fact that I thought that Kaiba-kun looked very good just then.

I got frustrated with myself quite easily.

* * *

Namakura-san, being far too gracious to us, gave us some money to buy something with. She even gave some to Mokuba-kun and Kaiba-kun. We tried to deny it, we really did, but old women can be scary if you go against them.

"Bakura-kun!" Courtney-san came running up to me, looking a lot more comfortable in a yukata and getas than I felt. Hers was pink with white sakura petals and the _iroha_ verse written in hiragana. The _iroha_ verse was a simple verse that even most children know about striving to keep ahead in life. I think I memorized it when I was a child and we were forced to in school, but I'd forgotten it. There had been more important things happening in my life.

I looked out of curiosity to see what how everyone else looked in theirs. Mokuba-kun was in a dark orange-red, which surprised me. Yuugi-kun was in a really dark shade of red, Jounouchi-kun in a standard green, Honda-kun in an olive that matched his eyes, Haga-kun was in a mint green, Ryuuzaki-kun in a reddish-brown (I had halfway forgotten that those two exist), and Conner-san in a darker green. I found it amusing how the siblings were so different, despite looking so alike. The sister so readily immersed in the Japanese culture and the brother awkwardly wading along, looking like someone who would rather be playing sports (as Courtney-san mentioned that he liked doing).

Perhaps that is why the two younger boys got along so well. According to Courtney-san, Conner-san liked sports and video games. He also did excellent on his homework. He and Mokuba-kun sounded so alike, with the exception that the former was quieter.

I don't know—people interested me. Sometimes.

When we actually got to the festival, which today was commemorating our Constitution Day (1), the others all ran off to do whatever it was they wanted to do. I think I saw the two younger ones running off to the shooting games. What was important, however, was that they left Kaiba-kun and I alone.

Some higher being was laughing at me, wasn't it?

I wasn't brave enough to strike up conversation, so we walked in silence for a little while. I don't know why I was walking with him and I don't know why he didn't tell me to get lost. We were just silent. Perhaps it was because we came together and both did not really want to be there, we were thus grouped together. Plus, I really didn't want to be alone. You never knew what sorts of people were out there.

"Mokuba likes festivals." I was startled at Kaiba-kun's sudden words. "We differ on that opinion." His voice was low, calm, and in no way like a murderous teenage corporate executive officer who would kill me if I so looked at him wrong. Okay, perhaps that last part was a slight exaggeration, but it did not feel like that sometimes!

Nonetheless, I was compelled to continue on the subject.

"I remember that I liked festivals as a child," as I imagine you would have, had circumstance not incurred, "until my little sister died, and then I stopped liking them." Yeah, circumstance was at work here as well. It made me remember Amane, and it hurt badly in my heart.

"You had a sister?"

I nodded. I explained to him my past, not just my sister, but about my parents as well. It was strange, because I had not told anyone about Amane before, and I had not planned on telling anyone, let alone the young man that was talking to me. One thing just led to another. Perhaps I just wanted to get it out to someone, finally, so that someone may be able to understand me. But why Kaiba-kun? Ah, perhaps that was because he was the one that my past was most similar to.

Perhaps it was a product of the earlier conversation.

But to his credit, he was far more understanding than I would have ever guessed of him.

I enjoyed the conversation. Kaiba-kun could be a wonderful person if in the right setting. I may even have had a few moments when I fell for his charm, but I wouldn't try to stop it, even if it were just for tonight, and tomorrow he would forget it all. At least I would remember.

* * *

That night, it was obvious that the younger boys had worn themselves out. Mokuba-kun fell asleep almost right away. It was cute and I briefly wondered if Kaiba-kun had ever, as a child, had so much fun in one night that he just fell asleep out of exhaustion when he got home. But the moment of earlier was forgotten and he returned to the Kaiba-kun that he normally was. I knew it was a mask now, possibly more than any of my friends.

I liked the Kaiba-kun that I had talked to earlier. I was reluctant to guess how deep that word 'like' fell. It was already established that he was attractive, but as far as I could tell, I did not _like_ him. However, the evening had been an anomaly. I enjoyed being around him, possibly even more than I enjoy the company of Yuugi-tachi.

We were not even friends, Kaiba-kun and I, so I could not contemplate that line between like and friendship.

Perhaps I was delving too far into this. Yes, that would be a much more logical answer. Never mind that I usually worked by my own logic, I was fairly certain that this would be logical in anyone's logic. I was digging too deep, thinking too much of it, setting myself up to be hurt. Perhaps I was trying, subconsciously, to find something that did not exist. I did not quite know what that something was, but there was a searching deep inside of me.

If I thought too long on this, I might obsess, and I might create synthetic, unreal emotions. That would hurt us both.

I should stop thinking about it.

If this were a movie or a dramatic book, I would tell him that I enjoyed myself tonight and then leave coolly, leaving him to his thoughts. However, this was not either of those and I could not leave suddenly. I could not gather the courage to say something like that.

I really needed to just go to sleep.

"At least you don't seem sick anymore."

"Hn?" I mumbled, sitting up to address him.

"Earlier, you seemed sick." Kaiba-kun, who was at his computer at the time, looked over at me. I could feel my heart speed up.

"Yeah, well, I really don't know what that was." I laughed nervously, unsure of what to say, exactly. Why was he being so personable? Okay, so maybe that wasn't quite the word, but… more talkative? More normal? "Shouldn't you get some sleep? I mean, you have the tournament tomorrow." Why was he staring at me? "I mean, normally, people need sleep to function, and, um—yeah." I grabbed my pillow and buried my face in it, setting up figurative neon signs that I was blushing. Ah, good job, Ryou.

"Does it disturb you?" Wait, was he actually worrying about my welfare?

I lifted my face up, despite that I could feel that it was still warm. How could he make me feel so giddy? "No," I shook my head, "I can sleep through a Jounouchi-kun-rant, so light and computers don't bother me."

"Make inu." He mumbled, turned back to his computer and clicking a few things. A few seconds later, I heard the unmistakable sound of it shutting down. Was he really taking my advice? He, Kaiba Seto, the person who neither gave nor took advice and did not care what others thought? And me, Bakura Ryou, the little white-haired girly idiot?

Maybe I would let that 'make inu' comment slide.

He turned out the light and sat on his sleeping mat. I turned the other way as I heard him slide off his shirt and lay down.

"Good night," I said quietly, staring at the wall and afraid to look the other way. I was also afraid that he would strangle me as soon as the words left my mouth.

"Hn." That was all he needed to say. My heart calmed suddenly and I smiled. I did not know why, but I smiled softly and closed my eyes as I buried the side of my face into the pillow.

Kami-sama, was I starting to like him?

* * *

Tuesday

"Kaiba-teme, you insensitive jerk!"

This was what I woke up to the next morning.

"What happened?" I asked, sitting up and rubbing my eyes sleepily.

"Absolutely nothing." Mokuba-kun answered, slipping on his sandals. "I'm going to breakfast."

"Wait up, I'm coming too." I did eat dinner last night at the festival. It wasn't much, but I didn't usually eat much anyway. Plus, I didn't want to look like I ate a lot in front of Kaiba-kun. Nonetheless, I felt very hungry now.

I slipped on my sandals and followed Mokuba-kun around Jounouchi-kun and Kaiba-kun, who were right outside the door, and to the dining room. Yuugi-kun and Honda-kun were attempting to quell the fight.

Haga-kun and Ryuuzaki-kun were nowhere to be seen. How the hell could they sleep through that?

"Do they normally act like that?" Namakura-san asked.

"Yes." Mokuba-kun and I answered at the same time. We both sat down and started eating. "Itadakimasu."

"Bonkotsu duelist."

"Bastard, don't call me that!"

The American siblings walked in, the younger yawning, "_What's going on?_" and the older kind of making growling-choking noises.

Yuugi-kun came in at this time, looking tired. I couldn't imagine why. Then, an idea seemed to strike him. "Jounouchi-kun," he turned back to them, "breakfast!"

Jounouchi-kun just sniffed the air and I prayed that Kaiba-kun wouldn't make any comment to that. I think Mokuba-kun was doing the same thing. The blond then just walked away from Kaiba-kun and sat himself at the table, looking, well, hungry. "Itadakimasu!" He then started eating at a great rate, so I made sure to keep to my part of the table.

"Ma'am," Kaiba-kun asked, "may I eat in my room?"

"Yes, you may," she smiled.

"What, too high and mighty to eat with us?" Jounouchi growled, taking a breather from his breakfast. I quickly weighed my options between eating isolated and getting my hand chewed off. The former seemed a lot safer. Looking at Kaiba-kun, he seemed to have about the same idea.

"I have a webcam meeting with the person I left in charge of the company while I was here." He said this curtly and it made me decide to just stay where I was and not move. Definitely not draw attention to myself.

"Oi, Bakura-kun, does he act like this all the time?"

_Crap._

Attention turned to me and I was frozen. What should I say? Hell, to be truthfully stereotypical, what _could_ I say? They were both staring at me!

I decided to answer with, "Ano… n-not really." Crap, everyone was still staring at me. Ah, why couldn't they just stop? Jounouchi-kun had his eyebrow raised, Kaiba-kun looked just cold, and everyone waited for me to say more. Damn you, Jounouchi-kun! I will kill you. I know where you live! You'll wake up at night and see me with a knife.

"Ah, I need more groceries." Namakura decided to break the silence. Kami-sama, Ra, Buddha, God, Virgin Mary, Allah, et cetera, bless her for her interruption.

"I'll go run an errand!" I volunteered, seriously wanting to get out of this.

"Have you eaten enough?" She eyed my half-empty plate.

"Yes, ma'am." I nodded. Plus, you know, if Kaiba-kun was having a meeting, I couldn't exactly interrupt him, anyway. Being in the same room may mean death.

"I'll go too!" Mokuba-kun jumped up. Yay, now I could have someone to talk to! That was a plus, I guessed.

"Okay then, let me write out a list." She searched for paper and a writing utensil.

Mokuba-kun and I relinquished our places and allowed the siblings to sit down. I looked over my shoulder. Yuugi-kun and Honda-kun had started eating and Kaiba-kun was already gone.

We took the list, she gave us some money, and we were off. Mokuba-kun had terrific conversational skills, much like his brother when the time was right. We talked about what his plans were and what mine were at first, and then music. But then he asked a question that bothered me.

"How do you feel about Seto?"

I could tell from the look on his face that he wasn't asking a question quite like Courtney-san had been asking. He was merely wanting to know if I was willing to accept his brother as a person.

"He's a nice person if you really get to talk to him," I answered simply.

Mokuba-kun smiled. "He really is." He looked up at me, something I feared he wouldn't have to do much longer if he grew to be as tall as his brother. He was already hitting growth spurts. "I assume that you two got to talk last night at the festival?"

I nodded and smiled back, remembering. I couldn't help but let a little blush come to my cheeks, and I was sure that Mokuba-kun noticed. Ah, why did these things happen to me?

We made it to the grocery and ran through the list, buying the items. When we got to the register, Mokuba-kun counted out the money. But then he took some of his own money out of the wallet and added it. I couldn't help but wonder at the act as he received the change, about a fourth of what she had given us. "Here's Namakura-san's change." He noticed my look of curiosity. "It's what Seto would have wanted me to do, and any more would make it seem really suspicious." He grinned.

Ah, so he paid for a part of the groceries himself. I was wondering to myself how rare a chance this was, to see how the Kaiba brothers acted away from the public and underlings. I wasn't sure if you could consider it lucky, however, because it just confused me. The Kaiba brothers, especially the elder as of late, confused me a lot.

"He likes you, you know, my brother." Mokuba-kun broke the vocal silence of walking back to the house. The plastic bags made plenty of noise otherwise. "If he took the effort to talk to you last night, then that means he likes talking to you."

I once again got to contemplate the meaning and depth of the word, 'like.' The words Mokuba-kun used described 'like' as in a friend. (2) However, because I swear that I've heard more English in the past few days than in the rest of my lifetime, I remembered that the word 'like' has many different meanings in English, including one to indicate friends and another to indicate romance. Wouldn't having both of those meanings come from that one word be confusing? This once again proved my theory that whoever invented the English language was crazy. This did not even include the other meanings of the word.

I could tell that Mokuba-kun was asking the silent question of whether or not I was willing to be Kaiba-kun's friend. If the opportunity presented itself, yes, I would. That would be a little awkward, considering that I showed physical attraction to him, but if it would make people happy, then I was willing to put personal awkwardness aside.

"I would be glad to be friends with him, if he would let me."

Mokuba-kun beamed. It made me feel a lot better about myself.

We arrived back at the house. Everything had calmed down and breakfast was over. Mokuba-kun gave the money to her, and he explained that she had given them more than was needed. When we made it back to the room, he sent his brother a smile that would be difficult to notice if you weren't looking for it.

Another subject was brought to mind: as of yet, Kaiba-kun was the only person I felt attraction to; not to Jounouchi-kun, not to Honda-kun. Kaiba-kun was the one who showed me this… strange other side of himself. I still did not like him in the sense of _konomu_, to like on a romantic level, but I felt something odd when we talked. Could it be that I really did want him as a friend?

Perhaps.

But English was still a messed up language.

* * *

Bonkotsu duelist: Another nickname Seto has for Jounouchi. It means, "average" or "mediocre" duelist.

Ano: There are (at least) two different meanings. In this case, it is kind of… to stall. I notice that manga translators like translating it to, "that is to say…" which makes sense, because 'ano' also translated to 'that (over there)' when talking about objects or people or whatnot.

* * *

(1) May 3rd, Constitution Day, the day in which post-World War 2 constitution was put into effect.

(2) You know, I have no idea what the verb for 'to like as a friend' is in Japanese. I tried finding out, but to no avail. While searching, I was introduced to two verbs: _konomu_ and _suku_ (the verb used to form 'suki'), both of which share the same kanji, and that kanji is used to describe 'like' as romantic terms. I don't know, does anyone know the verb for the friendship like? I mean, tomodachi is for the noun 'friend,' I think.

* * *

IGNORE ME, I'M ABOUT TO RANT ABOUT NOTHING!

This fic is bipolar. It changes from having snide commentary to being serious. It reminds me of Violets and Emeralds, except that Ryou is nowhere near as random as my Otogi POV. I want a soda. I reread that, too. It made me want to crawl under a rock. A few months from now, this'll make me want to crawl under a rock. Oh my f---ing nonexistent (I'm an atheist, so I mean no offense!) God, it's almost three years since I posted Yami Ryuu and began Yugioh fics (this note was written 3-08-2005). Ooh, I hear the ice cream man! Alas, no! No ice cream for me! I'm too old to buy from the ice cream man!

Wildwolf: Blasphemer!

Me: …I'm fat! I can't! Prom's coming up! --eyes glow scary-- Must convince Erich to go to prom… f---ing take him myself if I have to. --starts mumbling to self--

Wildwolf: --sigh-- I'm torn between watching X-Files reruns and starting the next chapter. Ah well, c'est la vie.

Me: The Count from Gankutsuou has a better French accent than I'll ever get. Hee, Count of Monte Cristo! -- --is insane now-- (to the tune of I Feel Pretty) I feel shouta, oh, so shouta!

Wildwolf: --hides all underage boys from Chibi… which would, well, be the Yugioh cast, Prince of Tennis, Whistle, etc…-- Watch out, she really like middle school boys!

Me: You make me sound like a sexual predator.

Wildwolf: …you make yourself sound like a sexual predator.

Me: …I feel shouta, oh, so shouta! -- Whee! Time for the next chapter! Or my school reading… (One Hundred Years of Solitude). --not happy--


	4. Happiness

Feel 

Chibi: --big shiny eyes-- Wai, Yukimura-kun (Prince of Tennis) has such a pretty voice! And he's so pretty—I thought he was someone's sister!

Wildwolf: You're going to blast out your eardrums if you leave the music up like that.

_Koko ni ima mo nokoru _

_Atsui omoi _

_Namiutsu jounetsu no kodou ga_

_Oshieru yo _

_Fukaku hibiite _

_Hontou no kokoro wo_

"Shinjitsu," Yukimura Seiichi, Prince of Tennis

Inserted for no real reason, just because it sounds pretty. Really pretty. As in, I listen to it over and over. As in, I need a life. As in, screw it, it is my life.

I also remember that I tried to make an end-of-series Yami Yuugi/Yuugi-centric AMV to Linkin Park's In The End. It didn't work very well. I deleted it.

Wildwolf: YOU DELETED IT! After bitc—complaining about it and working on it for that long!

Chibi: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees… --eyes roll back in head-- Keeeeeeeh! --falls to the floor and spasms--

Wildwolf: … --pokes her with a stick-- Sad thing is: she actually does these things in real life. The sick thing is: her family is used to it.

Chibi: --

To Ai Baka-san Austra: I'm glad you liked the fic! The word, "gaydar," I actually picked up from an episode of Will & Grace. I know it's a slang term from somewhere! I think I also read it in a K.A. Applegate book… somewhere. But please don't get in trouble when your grounded! It's icky to live through. (I'm actually grounded, as well…)

And I had lots of fun in Florida. I won't have fun with the make-up work, however. And we sucked at contest. But our drumline won first in their division in a worldwide competition. GO DRUMLINE!

**MORE SPOILERS.**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Happiness**

* * *

Tuesday

Everyone knows that Yuugi-kun, Jounouchi-kun, and Kaiba-kun can duel quite well, right? That they can kick the asses off every other person in Japan? If not, then they should know, and now everyone who is reading this and did not know now does.

Yuugi-kun was good, even without Atem. That was proven in the ceremonial match. (1) All three of them got through the first round quite easily. And as some laughing divine entity, or, as Otogi-kun has put it, 'stupid evil divine scriptwriter,' Haga-kun went against Yuugi-kun and Ryuuzaki-kun, against Jounouchi-kun. Yes, that divine scriptwriter was probably having a hell of a time with me and everyone else here.

We got damn good seats. I liked the seats. They had padding.

Heh, even Courtney-san put down her book to watch. If you see a good Duel Monsters game, you have to watch.

"Bakura-kun," Honda-kun turned to me, "have you been alright lately?"

"Yeah." I nodded. You know, ignoring the random fevers and such and that I found out that I'm gay. Other than that, I've had one of the greatest times in my life! And look, no sign of Death hovering above me! (Actually, this was probably the greatest time of my life, since it had yet to end up in my untimely demise and/or one or more of my friends becoming comatose. I do not think that they would like to be vegetables.)

Am I starting to sound like Otogi-kun? Someone slap me.

How much had I changed since, well, two days ago, when we arrived? It seemed impossible that this had been such a short amount of time because so much had happened. Not necessarily (though I guess possibly) on the physical level, but mentally and emotionally.

"Kaiba-kun isn't doing anything bad to you, is he?"

I wanted to laugh at that. It could have implied so much. In fact, it probably was an implication, but I didn't really care. "No, in fact, he's someone you can talk to at times." I blushed suddenly. What was I saying? "I know that's hard to believe, but it's true. And he," insert, irritated strange noises here, "I don't know," I concluded finally.

I felt that I could talk to Honda-kun, if you could classify my babbling quasi-speech as talk. Out of Yuugi-tachi, I probably got along with him best. We were both little cheerleaders and, no offense to Anzu-chan, but he was easier to talk to. Honda-kun really did care about what happened to people and it was nice to have someone do that once in a while.

He nodded. "I think I understand."

Understand what? That Kaiba-kun could be talked to? It may have seemed impossible, but the concept wasn't too hard to understand, was it? Maybe I was just weird. I could affirm that. Maybe he interpreted the irritated noises that I made.

Did he know something I didn't?

* * *

There were some crappy duelists at the tournament. I probably could have defeated them myself, without the help of Yami Bakura.

Will not feel empty pain; I will not, I refuse.

Perhaps, lately, I had been more emotions than I should.

And perhaps the reason that I thought that those people couldn't duel could have been that I was used to watching Yuugi-kun, Jounouchi-kun, and Kaiba-kun duel. Everyone seemed novice when compared to them.

I should have brought my reading with me. What was really amusing, though, was that the longest duels so far were between the other duelists. Yuugi-kun, Jounouchi-kun, and Kaiba-kun defeated their opponents easily. Yuugi-kun and Kaiba-kun were on opposite sides of the elimination chart. Assuming all three won all of their matches, Yuugi-kun and Jounouchi-kun would meet up for the semifinals and Kaiba-kun would duel with whoever won that for the finals. It would probably be Yuugi-kun and Yuugi-kun would most likely win, no offense to Kaiba-kun. Perhaps it was better for his ego when he didn't duel. But as I mentioned before, all three of them were real duelists and not likely to back down or give up, let alone for good.

Those traits were admirable.

I still wondered about what Honda-kun said earlier. It bothered me and I could not confront him about it without looking stupid. I had done enough of that already, thank you.

"And Kaiba Seto advances to the final round!" The announcer had to yell this over the roar of applause. Mokuba-kun was pumping his fist in the air, but I do not think that there was any doubt.

I looked at Kaiba-kun. As he did yesterday, he seemed more definite, and yet elevated to a godlike status as the platform lowered and spotlight followed him. And yet, after being able to talk to him, he seemed a lot more human. It was some odd paradox of a demigod. My heart did not speed up this time and I felt so disturbingly calm that it felt perfectly natural.

I stood up and went by the window to get a better view for the next match—Yuugi-kun versus Jounouchi-kun. But I watched Kaiba-kun exit as well. As he headed out of the ring, he looked up at the box we were in. I could have sworn he made eye contact with me, but that was doubtful, considering that we were high up and barely able to make the people out from this level.

I blushed anyway.

"Seto's coming up here now!" Mokuba literally jumped over his own seat to wait by the door. Kaiba-kun was coming up now, wasn't he? He wouldn't be needed anymore tonight, seeing as the finals were tomorrow.

That oddly reminded me that it was late at night. I was sleepy. I decided to sit down—the television sets would show me enough.

Kaiba-kun came through the door. Mokuba-kun congratulated him on winning the match, though Kaiba-kun did not see it as something worthy of praise, or so it seemed from his facial expressions. He looked at each of us and decided to sit with a seat between him and I. Well, at least he preferred my company than, well, Honda-kun and the American siblings. Or perhaps there were no more seats on that side.

Mokuba-kun ran off to continue the conversation interrupted by his random leap to the door earlier.

"Bonkotsu duelist," he mumbled, "why do they even bother having this match?"

"Well," I spoke up, "Jounouchi-kun has been getting better. He came very close to beating Atem before." Will not let old wounds open, will not let old mental wounds concerning Yami Bakura open.

I was used, at least to some degree, to protecting Jounouchi-kun's honor or whatever from whatever sneering remark that Kaiba-kun made. I did so in Duelist Kingdom, and after that, I barely got to see Kaiba-kun, so no more opportunities occurred.

This was the side of him that made me surprised that I was not repulsed whenever I saw him. This was the side that made me wonder why I became attracted, the side that, in my mind, could not be the Kaiba-kun that I spoke to last night.

Kaiba Seto was an enigmatic person. He could verbally abuse people to the point of tears and he could do something so cruel as to seriously threaten to kill himself for a purpose. He could put others on the front lines and he could be so selfishly selfless as to leave himself a wide-open target for the sake of saving his loved one. Did he realize how Mokuba-kun would feel if his brother died to save him? Kaiba-kun had a tendency, from what I had experienced and heard, to jump into a situation without thinking out what may happen to other people, or himself. He had a tendency to use his own self as a scapegoat in certain situations. He would checkmate himself by using his king as a pawn.

I need to clear up my diction, though stay on the same train of thought.

I imagined that both of the brothers have had to fight to stay together, though I only knew the basic story, which I have been told. Kaiba-kun didn't actually tell me about himself. That would open an old wound that he was desperately hiding like a scarred wrist under a watch or sleeve. I told him about myself, though that bled me.

I, however, had become cold to the pains that old memories gave while Kaiba-kun fed on them passionately to drive himself towards whatever his ultimate goal may have been.

"I still know the outcome of this match."

I nodded. I think we all (except the American siblings) did. Hell, I think even Jounouchi-kun did. But he would fight anyway in order to improve, and then just maybe he would reach the nest pedestal. He could continue to dream of reaching that shining light above his head with one outstretched arm. He could fight his way to that light in his own way, no matter whether he knew that some battles were an inevitable loss or not.

Because real duelists don't back down.

Someday, that day would have to come what Jounouchi-kun would surpass Yuugi-kun. I could very easily see that happen, and with each duel, he gets closer. Now if only he could reach that light shining so high up there.

Back to thinking about Kaiba-kun: Why was it that when I was around him, I suddenly became calm and contemplative? At least, as of late—I could never let myself forget how embarrassed I was two days ago, though it seemed much longer.

I had changed so much in that amount of time.

I think I had finally accepted something about myself. I was attracted to that person, no matter how I may have tried to turn my thoughts. I was beginning to like something about him that he never showed anybody and I had only glimpsed for ephemeral moments at a time.

So yeah, I was most definitely gay. Ah well, I couldn't really do anything about it but live with it, ne?

* * *

Would it surprise anyone to say that Yuugi-kun won? Jounouchi-kun _almost_ beat him. Really, he almost did. But Yuugi-kun still won and he would go against Kaiba-kun tomorrow.

The house was a long walking distance away, but that was fine. It felt nice outside anyway and the skies were clear, so stars could be seen.

"You dueled very well." I tried to strike up a conversation with Kaiba-kun while Jounouchi-kun verbally replayed his match against Yuugi-kun to everyone else. Ryuuzki-kun and Haga-kun mumbled loudly about various things, mostly concerning their respective opponents. I thought Mokuba-kun and Conner-san were talking about the American version of Duel Monsters. I thought so, at least, because I still did not know English terribly well.

"It was an easy match."

Well, I knew that. "Nn, good luck on your match tomorrow."

"Does that mean that you want me to win over Yuugi-kun?" I was glad the others were a good deal ahead of us, suddenly.

I didn't know how to answer that. I tried anyway, which was probably very stupid of me. "Well, ah," I was also glad that it was dark, so my blush would not be so obvious, "as long as it's a good game, ne?" Ah, how could this person tongue-tie me so easily?

A thought hit me when my mind wandered during the middle of Yuugi-kun and Jounouchi-kun's match: just because I was gay didn't mean that Kaiba-kun was as well. My feelings could be for nothing and I wouldn't be able to tell his orientation without verification because _obviously_ you needed some sort of premium membership to have a working gaydar.

I should assume that he was straight.

But it really didn't matter; I felt that I wanted to do _something_ that would make him happy, at least. Then maybe he would accept me as a friend and I would be satisfied with just that. Yeah, if I could do something that made him happy.

But I still didn't actually _like_ him, no.

When I was younger, I was afraid to ever be happy. Happiness was usually taken away from me by a certain Spirit of the Sennen Ring. Happiness usually took the form of a friend that would end up in a coma a few days later. So I learned that happiness was just the forerunning of fear and depression.

I wondered if Kaiba-kun was afraid to be happy like I was. He seemed like it sometimes.

I made a few annoyed sounds under my breath, not knowing how to continue, but wanting to do so. I wasn't even sure quite what I was trying to get out of this conversation, just for the sake of making conversation.

"Yuugi-kun isn't trying to use you to get me into your little circle of friends, is he?" Kaiba-kun asked bluntly, as if he could read my mind (to a degree) and was trying to supply his own reason. It would be seriously creepy if he could read minds. Then I'd wear a foil hat or something and look even more idiotic. I really did not need any help on that.

"No," I shook my head. "I just wanted to make conversation on my own." Did you know exactly how much your brother worries about you? Of course, I couldn't ask him that, for fear of being found a few days later in little pieces in the walls of an apartment complex three miles away. "Though sometimes," I continued without reason, "I feel a little distanced from them as well." Such as the distance between them and us right now.

He had no response.

We were silent the rest of the way. Sometimes I could catch snatches of conversation from ahead or sounds from day two of the festival, but that was it.

When we arrived back at the house, I decided that I would take a bath in the morning because I was too tired at the time. Mokuba-kun went to raid a snack, as if Namakura-san would not just feed him anyway, and Kaiba-kun grabbed a change of clothes so that he could go shower. I imagined that the spotlights that were on him and the others that whole time must have been hot.

He opened the sliding door and stopped. The colored outdoor lanterns glinted off his hair and eyes with multi-colored glows. "You're not…" he paused, "you're not displeasing to talk to, I suppose." He closed the door and his silhouette walked away.

Yeah, I couldn't help but smile, once again. He was doing that to me more and more lately. Lately being only the past twenty-four hours, but again, it seemed so much longer than that.

Was I beginning to like him? I had no experience concerning the subject before, so there was nothing to compare it to. I could only grope blindly for a thought to cling to and call it truth. Was Courtney-san psychic or was I obvious? Was this what Honda-kun was trying to suggest? Was he psychic as well? Maybe they should start a club.

Why was I so happy? Because he complimented my speaking skills? That was ironic, since I did horribly whenever we had to do class presentations and he knew it. Was it because he complimented me? Probably and most likely.

It was a little scary in that it seemed normal enough. If I actually went along and didn't scrutinize myself, I felt perfectly… normal. It was when I stopped to think about it that I became nervous, such as when I actually thought about being attracted to him.

Perhaps I was just bipolar. That would explain a lot.

But to be able to keep these feelings of happiness, I would just have to trust myself and go blindly forward once again without thought, and hope that it was still truth.

In short, I just had to face what came.

* * *

Wednesday

Though the bath in Namakura-san's home was made like the baths of many older homes and for more than one person, I found the thought of bathing alone more pleasant than with many people.

That was why five-thirty in the morning found me in the bathroom, hurriedly trying to clean myself before anyone else got it in their minds to bathe this early in the morning. I mean, come on, you had to be crazy to get up this early to bathe on a holiday, right?

That was exactly why I was there.

You know, after looking over myself in the mirror, perhaps the reason that I liked taking baths alone was because my figure was a lot more feminine than the other guys.

It was pretty bad that I could actually admit that to myself, too. Hell, there went self-esteem down the toilet.

I dressed and tied by hair back so that it wouldn't get all of my clothes wet. Quietly, I made my way back to my room. Namakura-san was starting to poke around the kitchen, or at least I assumed that it was her. I slid the door of my room open quietly. Mokuba-kun was sprawled, half-under his blanket, just as he had been when I left. Kaiba-kun, however, was now on his computer (not where I left him). We looked at each other, both with incredulous looks on our faces.

"Did I wake you up?" I asked in a whispered tone.

He shook his head. "No," he answered in a normal voice, "I usually wake up around this time."

"Mm." I sat on my mat.

"Don't worry about waking Mokuba up. He's a deep sleeper."

I found that funny because Kaiba-kun also seemed like a deep sleeper. Granted, one that never slept, but deep nonetheless.

I wanted to make some joking commentary, but decided otherwise.

There was a silence that made me nervous. I remembered his comment last night that he didn't find it displeasing to talk to me. Why didn't I want to strike up conversation now? Probably because he was working. Or something. It would be anticlimactic to find him playing computer games.

"Mokuba-kun mentioned going to the festival tonight, in order to celebrate whoever happened to win," I commented offhandedly. I felt fidgety.

"Hm."

I wanted to ask him if he just wanted to talk again tonight as we did the first time. However, this would have been incredibly bold and out of character for me. It also would have, well, probably resulted in my body being found in the walls of an apartment complex three miles away.

So instead, I pulled out my book, which I was making very little progress on. Of course, my mind was not quite on my task at the moment, so progression was difficult. My excuse was that it was in English, and we all know what I think about the English language.

It's love and hugs and puppies.

Before I could defenestrate the book through the non-existent window, I stopped thinking about my opinion on the English languages and decided the think on the words. Don't think on what I felt about the words, just on translating them.

You know, the sad thing was, I was good at English in elementary school. You know, back when the hardest words were "_dog_" and "_cat_" and the only thing I could do with my life was study because everyone hated me? Friends were a distraction. Granted, a distraction that I would never want to lose, but I can still blame them for my deficient English, ne?

Never mind, I just stopped caring. That was never a good mood to read with. Nonetheless, I spent the next forty-five minutes reading and comprehending. Then it was breakfast time.

Mokuba-kun sat up sleepily, and I swore that the faint smell of food had triggered some sort of reaction that made him wake up. Maybe he was really the one with the dog-like nose who could smell food a mile off. That would be a useful magical skill to have, especially if you were lost in the woods somewhere. Then again, I was not quite sure how much 'woods' there was in Japan. We kind of weren't big on the natural resource thing.

Now, back to the hotcakes and Mokuba-kun's waking knowledge of the said hotcakes. Maybe the hotcakes or whatever was calling to Mokuba-kun in his sleep. They were magical hotcakes, here to save me from having to face the reality of myself, and the English language.

Sorry, but I really did not like English. Insert mental twitching here—wait, food. Food equals yummy. I was hungry, in case you could not notice.

"Seto, come eat breakfast."

Kaiba-kun just made an aggravated noise that sounded more like some nondescript noise that I would make when Jounouchi-kun or Honda-kun stole some of my lunch. I wanted to laugh, but I also wanted to live.

"Seto." Mokuba-kun articulated both syllables in his brother's name. Looking at his face, I saw a frown there. It wasn't a serious frown, it was more of a teasing one, though it was concerned, nonetheless.

"Kaiba-kun," I decided to point out, taking advantage of the lighter situation, "now would be the best time to get food. Jounouchi-kun will be up in about half an hour, I believe."

I wondered if I should have kept my mouth shut as he stared at his computer screen. I will give myself some credit in that he had stopped typing.

"Fine." He stood swiftly and stepped into his slippers. I wanted to giggle because Kaiba Seto in his slippers just seemed funny. Never mind that I had already seen it before. It was still funny right then, perhaps more than usual. Ignore the fact that I tended to be easily amused at times.

Maybe sharing a room with these two was not so bad of an idea after all. I looked back at my initial reactions to who my roommates would be and smiled inwardly. I had been so judgmental.

He opened the door and was about to step out. "Are the two coming?" He asked over his shoulder. My heart started beating quickly again.

"Yeah." Mokuba-kun put his slippers on.

I had no choice but to follow.

"Yes, me too."

I had the urge then to see Kaiba-kun smile. I had slighter forms of this urge, to do something that made him content, at least, before, but now I really wanted to see him smile. I wondered just how bright and dazzling it would be, if he smiled for real and at me.

That settled it: I really was pathetic.

* * *

(1) I may have referenced this already, but the last bit of Yugioh is the Ceremonial Battle when Yuugi-kun and Yami no Yuugi seriously go against each other. Yuugi-kun won on his own strength and not due to a handicap. Then he felt horrible for winning. And there was that stupid, STUPID door slamming shut with Egypt people on the other side. --screeches and runs around--

Wildwolf: And she actually did that when she watched it.

**VOCABULARY TIME!**

**Defenestrate**- the act of throwing something out of a window. Most people tend to think that it is along the lines of 'castrate,' but people make similar mistakes with the word, 'masticate,' ne?

* * *

I wanted to make an outline of what I'm writing, but that would screw me up. Seriously, everything on here is coming from nothing. The only pre-planned event was the tournament. I hate writing duels. Hence why I didn't. --

These chapters are seriously getting shorter and shorter.

I wish that they had Yugioh character songs. Tsuda Kenjirou, the person who played Seto, has a really good singing voice, as listening to Prince of Tennis made me realize. His voice makes me feel gooey and happy. I wanna hear Seto sing. I also want to hear Ryou and Mokuba sing, but that's beside the point. I already know what Honda would sound like (damn it, he REALLY can sing…), as well as Jounouchi, but ah well. I still want songs by them!

And I am making a lot of the same jokes that I made in Violets and Emeralds. I've also been contemplating the word, "bluenette" for the past… however many minutes. It's a word that I've come across many, many times in the Shaman King section. It does describe Horohoro. He has naturally blue hair. Bluenette. I giggle. I giggle like Johnny the Homocidal Maniac (copyright Jhonen Vasquez until fifty years after his death).

Is it wrong to try to fluff a chapter to over 60 KB by adding in weird character mental ramblings?

**AND THIS MAY NOT BE UPDATED FOR A WHILE!** I have writer's block on chapter 5… --tries to chip it away--


	5. Conflicted

**Feel**

* * *

Chibi: Need… soda… need… to play… Final Fantasy 7 (I am so behind on the times…)… need… Final Fantasy Advent Children… --dies-- 

Wildwolf: We're trudging along. Actually, by the time you read this, it will probably almost be time for Chibi to graduate, assuming she gets off her ass and does her physics homework.

Chibi: --spazzes-- Miss Watts says I'll pass! YOU are the monkey king! --runs off to get soda--

Wildwolf: Well, we can either work on this or use our one day of time between English books to read The Green Mile by Stephen King. Good book. Really simple diction compared to One Hundred Years of Solitude and Sometimes a Great Notion. And Ivanhoe. And Wuthering Heights. And Beowulf, which makes horrible summer reading. We liked the Count of Monte Cristo, though. Didn't finish it, but liked it.

Chibi: Enough rambling. I feel my super Chibi powers coming back to me. --plays random music that she has recently become obsessed with-- Now, if we touch our magical prom key rings together, we will become defenders of justice! --makes super humming noises--

Wildwolf: Just write already.

Chibi: --is chastised--

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Conflicted**

* * *

Wednesday 

To say that I felt conflicted would be a correct statement. I would not go so far as to over-romanticize myself and say that it was an understatement, because that was how I really felt. I wanted Yuugi-kun to win because Yuugi-tachi had been my friends for a while now, and good friends. But now, these… things that I have felt for Kaiba-kun lately, attraction or whatever, have made me side with him as well. Either way I felt a bit of guilt. It hurt. Why could I not have my sides chosen so easily like everybody else? And if I was not on either side, why could I not be so indifferent as the American siblings? Ah, but that was because I had personal ties to these people and because I did care.

It was three in the afternoon when we began walking from Namakura-san's home to the stadium (okay, so stadium is a bad word, but that was the gist of it). I was contemplating that whole walk on who it was I felt stronger emotions for. I wanted so badly to answer that it was Yuugi-kun that I was more attached to because he was my friend, but thoughts of Kaiba-kun filled my head.

I also had the odd feeling that I was making too much of these emotions by thinking about them, so therefore making the emotions more than they really were. But then again, I had never liked anyone before, so oh well.

I seemed to keep changing my views on the key question: did I like Kaiba-kun?

To answer is a little challenging, for myself, at least. When he acted like his normal self, I wanted to slap him or something of the sort. Those actions generally note negative emotions, of which the emotion of 'like' would not belong. However, whenever Kaiba-kun opened up, for I realize that those rare glimpses were what he really was, I… see, this was where it got hard. I did like that part of him. I was finally able to admit to myself that the gentler, open side of Kaiba-kun was something becoming almost dear to me, something I yearned to see, to experience again.

Perhaps I was now over-romanticizing.

The hardest part of this was getting to where he would show emotion to me. Were it not for this little situation, forced proximity, and the unlikely conversation, I would still see him as a cold, distant person. However, Kaiba Seto-kun did have passionate emotions. They were just difficult to find and, quite frankly, I had yet and would probably never be able to feel them.

So, Kaiba-kun was attractive and I liked how he acted about 10-percent of the time. Wow, that just seemed… odd. As for just how physically attracted I was to him, well, I thought he was really handsome. It was difficult to imagine kissing him, for I knew that that would never happen, and I was not ready to think on that level. The most touch we had was when he removed the leaf or whatever it was from my hair. We had a no-touch relationship.

Actually, we had no relationship. All of this was noted for myself, and for no reason, since we were under the assumption that he was straight.

I was also still a little scared of everybody finding out. And somehow, I had started to do the stupid thing and nurture these emotions and my attraction. I was setting myself up for heartache, which I needed to stop.

Maybe I should have just cheered for Yuugi-kun. I needed to forget the fact that I was beginning to like Kaiba-kun, lest I hurt worse than any mental wounds of losing Yami Bakura.

On the subject of Yami Bakura, since I needed something to get my conscious thoughts off Kaiba-kun… during the time that he (Yami Bakura) was with me, we gained some sort of bond. Most people think that the only bond that there could have been was the type between Yuugi-kun and Yami no Yuugi, but I would say otherwise. Yami Bakura and I came to some sort of understanding, though not quite a compromise. He used my body, tried to kill people, and I sat back in my soul room and watched. As I said, it wasn't quite a compromise. But I knew, when I had my own body, that if I was in serious danger, that he would save me. I did not love him, seeing as I mentioned that I had never felt any feelings above the friendship level before. We just lived this existence together in the same body, and perhaps I was his perfect host, for I gave no real resistance.

We did have a bond, though, on some level. Just… a mutual understanding, perhaps. A symbiotic relationship, if you will. We were both alone. When he was here, though he used me, I felt safer. Perhaps I was trying to fill this hole of insecurity with someone else, and perhaps that was where Kaiba-kun came in, since they did reflect each other in some strange way of mannerisms, but I did not want to even think that that thought could have been true.

I was rambling again.

"This is going to be a great duel!" Mokuba voiced excitedly. It probably would be. ((Note: Too bad the author doesn't type duels.)) No matter who won, there would be a huge crowd happy for it. I wondered if Kaiba-kun really did care whether he won or not. I knew that to Yuugi-kun, a duel was a duel and to be a match between friends, no matter who the opponent. Kaiba-kun, however, never really cared about facing regular Mutou Yuugi-kun, as I have mentioned before.

Then again, Kaiba-kun is the type that has to win no matter what. It hurts his ego, otherwise.

The thought came across my mind that Yuugi-kun could possibly throw the duel because of that. But, then I realized the absurdity of that thought. Yuugi-kun had too much pride and honor as a duelist to do that. He knew that Kaiba-kun would only want to win against him if he played at his fullest. And, well, Kaiba-kun could, and probably would, take it as an insult if his opponent did not play against him at full strength. He would think that they were mocking him. In fact, I think this may have happened before, back at Duelist Kingdom… and any non-magical person who decided to do that would probably end up in pieces in the walls of an apartment complex three miles away.

I will stop thinking there. Ooh, that was a pretty tree.

People are probably wondering as to why I ramble. I myself do not know. It is just how my thoughts come across. I apologize if it confuses some. But then again, it's your fault for reading my mind. Go find someone more interesting to screw around with.

Kaiba-kun was walking up in front of everyone else. He seems to enjoy leading people, even in situations so trivial as walking in a group. At least, he seemed to enjoy it as much as anything that did not involve Duel Monsters and a thoroughly beaten opponent begging him for mercy. I wondered if he had a bondage fetish. Light, nothing hardco—wait a second!_ Oh kami-sama, I was not just thinking that! What the hell is wrong with me! Bad, bad perverted Ryou! Ah!_

I was blushing very hotly as I erased the images that came forth from my mind as quickly as I could. I swear I stopped just short of performing some sort of Shinto purification ritual on my head. That would be a sight. Do they even do those?

Oh, look, the tournament place. Hee, my mind wanders a little too well.

No more fetishes.

We stopped, for we arrived at the place where the combatants and their followers split. Jounouchi-kun, Honda-kun, and the American siblings wished Yuugi-kun luck. Mokuba-kun grinned good-naturedly at his brother and told him to win.

"Um… g-good luck," I said quietly to Kaiba-kun because I was close enough. I knew that my cheeks were pink, but for some reason, I felt that it did not matter. This scared me, as I noticed when I looked back on it later that day, but at that time, it really did not matter.

I was stupid enough to wonder why.

* * *

"The life point count is down to one-hundred each!" The loudspeaker blared at us when, I assure you, I could see the scores quite clearly for myself. 

I didn't know why, but I felt a little agitated. Maybe there was something in the drinks. Everyone else was agitated. Okay, so that may be because of the duel, so I will discontinue that subject.

On the field, Yuugi-kun had his Black Magician and two facedown cards. Kaiba-kun had a single Blue Eyes White Dragon and one facedown card. Either could easily have been finished off by a direct damage card, but both Duelists were above even having those in their decks, unlike many of the other Duelists earlier (in fact, a couple of duels would have probably been perfect wins, were it not for direct damage cards). But then again, these two probably would have finished the said other Duelists off before it became a matter of hundreds of life points.

Even at the brink of the end, I did not know whom I preferred to give the victory to. I knew that it was not my choice, but I meant that by who I would prefer to see win it. That bothered me. I felt so conflicted once again. My heart was pounding so deeply. Those with clearly defined preferences were silent, watching. It was so close a match, Yuugi-kun's turn. He attacked and we held our breaths. I did not know it at that time, but later, I realized that I was holding my hands clenched to my chest. Kaiba-kun unveiled a trap card, not the Holy Barrier, as one would assume, but one that switched the attack to the attacker's lowest level monster, which was Black Magician, seeing as that was his only monster. Yuugi-kun then overturned a trap card that halved his given damage (500) and sent the other half to his opponent (250).

It was a tie. Fairly fought, it was a tie between Yuugi-kun and Kaiba-kun. Why did I suddenly feel so relieved? Probably because that means that I did not have to choose. Perhaps the divine scriptwriter, or whatever, or whoever, was apologizing for screwing up my life thus far. If so, then I accept the apology. Though most likely it was just coincidence.

We met the combatants at the exit. They were surrounded by the gaming media, who were asking questions about this and that, mostly dueling. Lights from cameras were flashing. I bet the hotels around here were making a fortune. Yuugi-kun answered out of politeness, though one could tell that he really did want to escape (I, personally, couldn't blame him). Kaiba-kun looked used to it, but just refused to answer anyway. After all, he went to press conferences. He ignored the press members and began walking towards our group. The crowds began to part for him, still calling questions in hopes of receiving answers. Yuugi-kun used the wake behind Kaiba-kun to his advantage and followed. I found this vaguely amusing, though not something to be voiced at that time. I like living sometimes. There is emphasis on the 'sometimes.'

"Hey, good job, guys." Honda-kun congratulated. Jounouchi-kun started yelling… something. I was never quite sure what he was he was saying half the time. It may have had meaning, it may have been unintelligible gibberish, or he may have been speaking in tongues. I could never tell.

Kaiba-kun had to walk past me to reach his brother. "Congratulations," I said without planning to do so, "on a great duel." I did not want to say that, I realized. However, it was too late and I would have to face the consequences.

He paused and I feared a glare that did not come. "I did not win," he answered simply, yet intensely, "so there is no reason to congratulate me. Talk to Yuugi-kun if you wish to do praise without meaning."

It hurt when he said that. I felt my heart sink and my eyes lower. He probably meant for it to sting, but for some reason, I think it did on some level that even he did not understand. Damn him. Why did I like him, in any way? "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't apologize," he said back, quite curtly.

For some reason, that made me feel a little better. I was not quite sure why, nor did I think that I would ever some to understand many of the quirks that made up Kaiba Seto-kun.

* * *

We were left alone again. I was not sure why, but it seemed like someone was arranging for that to happen. My first guess would be a scriptwriter, but I will cease. 

We ate dinner at Namakura-san's after the duel. She prepared a special meal (which, well, I thought all her meals previous were special, but wow). It was at this time that I learned that Kaiba-kun did not like fish.

"Kaiba-kun do you want to try some of this?" I indicated some sushi that was more on my side of the table. I was feeling bolder because of the festive noise. That tended to have the mentioned affect on people. I was usually unaffected, but maybe someone spiked the tea.

"No," he answered simply.

"Nii-sama doesn't like fish," Mokuba added for him. The sushi that I indicated happened to be salmon.

"Really?" So, Kaiba-kun was human after all! He hid it very well, sometimes, most times. Kaiba-kun did not answer. Perhaps he thought that I would find it odd that there was a such thing as a Japanese person who did not like some sort of seafood. In case of that, I decided to add, "well, I don't like seafood that much, either." It was true, I did not like oysters or clams or anything like that. I just did not like the taste for some reason.

Somehow, one thing led to another after this conversation and when we went back to the Golden Week festival as Mokuba-kun had planned, Kaiba-kun and I were left alone. One would think that Mokuba-kun would want to follow his brother around, but I supposed not. He ran off to play the ring toss with the other guys.

I must have given off psychic waves or something, because Kaiba-kun answered my unsaid question, "Mokuba likes being around people." And you did not. I felt that, once again, I was about to be thrown into a situation with a humanized Kaiba-kun who would leave me more confused and more conflicted than ever before. I wondered if that was a good thing. I liked that Kaiba-kun that was seeming to come out now, when we were alone like this, but some sane part of me wondered if it was a good idea to look forward to having such free talks with him if I knew that nothing would come out of it.

I read once in a philosophy book that, while humans claim to be logic-centered, we are really based completely on our emotions. I do believe this, even when considering Kaiba-kun. Why else, other than emotion, would he be able to pull such stupid, selfish, selfless stunts at Duelist Kingdom? It was not our strict Asian honor, it was love for his brother. It was emotion. How has Jounouchi-kun been able to survive in the game for so long? Emotion. It was due to one hell of a lot of luck as well, but still, emotion.

How could I be so ambivalent, conflicted, and in a state of confusion so constantly on this trip? Emotion. Far too many emotions that had no place in my head swirling around in there like oils in water.

"Kaiba-kun, are you ashamed of how you dueled today?"

We were off in a darker area. We had our backs to the wooden wall of an old stand. People passed, but paid us no mind.

"Yes," he answered firmly. He always knew what his answers were. He lived a straightforward path, always so sure, rarely ever feeling these stupid emotions.

"Why so?" Come now, you were not going to escape conversation with me so easily. Well, unless you glared at me. But you seem in well enough of a mood, I think. I hope.

"I should have won."

He probably feels that he should have. Atem was his rival, and now he can only tie with Yuugi-kun, someone that Kaiba-kun probably considered weaker than the pharaoh.

It was at this time that I brought up a key question. "Is dueling even fun for you anymore?" I knew that he used to love it. Mokuba-kun has told me. I wondered if he got any joy out of it anymore.

He was silent for a bit. He seemed like he was contemplating it deeply, searching for an answer. "Not as much as it used to be." The tone in which he said this surprised me. He said it so monotonously. It seemed like something that someone would say with some sort of emotion. But no, this was Kaiba-kun. Emotion to outsiders was taboo.

It was at this point that I began to scare myself. I wanted to hold him. I wanted so badly to just wrap my arms around him and rest my head against his chest, hear his heart. I wanted to feel his arms hold me in return. I wanted to feel the warmth that I knew that he possessed.

There were too many things that I wanted to feel; too many impossible, dream-like things that could never exist so long as the world was sane.

And while I may have felt these things, I could not love him. I simply refused to allow myself to fall in love with him, no matter if the world should suddenly go insane and he should act like the person that I liked all the time. This was not said out of disgust, but rather, some shred of intelligence in my head. Even if something should happen, eventually, I would have to leave Wonderland and return to the world were people may be mad, but that sort of madness was what society constituted as normal. For those who could not understand what I just said: simply, reason told me that Kaiba-kun would never respond to my feelings, and if he did, it would only be a temporary thing. It would, more likely than not, be spur of the moment. I would be better off to divorce myself of those emotions.

I was going to end up killing my emotions, I knew it.

I have been told many times when I was younger that love chooses whom it will. While I was firmly convinced that my emotions only equaled to that of 'like,' I was the sort to look at the worst-case scenario. What those people forgot to mention, however, was that the person that I would come to like would be a jerk most of the time and switch selves as definitely as a manic-depressive. It was a little disconcerting. Oh yeah, and he was male.

"Who did you want to win?" He asked me the question that I had been asking myself all night. It was the question that I dreaded and still had no answer to. It was revenge for asking about whether or not he enjoyed dueling, I bet. Kaiba-kun would be the type to do that. Except he was not supposed to know my thoughts.

"I don't know." It was true. "Yuugi-kun is my friend. However," I really did not know why I was still talking, "I do believe that I am beginning to see you in another light, and am beginning to consider you a friend as well." I wondered what he was thinking. Was he laughing at me inside; was he disgusted? I wanted to hide in a corner.

He was silent for a few moments. "I don't know if I can trust anyone enough to have a close relationship." In other words, or at least how I interpreted it, he did not trust people enough to have friends. Yeah, I knew he had been through a lot of people-related crap.

"I understand that." At least, I hoped that I did, to some degree. I had isolated myself from people so that they would not get hurt, and so that I would not get hurt. I would watch them play with one another from afar and wonder why I could not play as well. But then I would remember. I smiled sadly. My heart was hurting so badly. I wanted to rip it out. If liking someone led to so much pain, I wondered why people romanticized it so often. Perhaps people were just stupid. I would believe it. I almost felt like professing to him just to see his reaction.

Luckily, I stopped myself from doing so. That would have been a horrible mistake. "Do you want to walk a little?" I asked instead. He stood up from the wall and began to walk down a more secluded path, away from most people. In fact, away from just about all people. I wondered how he saw me, really. I could not ask. I wondered how he saw these moments. I wanted to ask, but I could not. I wanted to tell him so many things, but I could not.

I wanted the road ahead of me to be straightforward, but it was not. I followed Kaiba-kun down that crooked path, both the literal and the figurative. It was like he was the light at the end of the tunnel. Kaiba-kun was the light? Yes, yes, he was a light. He was a light as bright as the sun that I could reach to, but never touch. He was far too far away from me.

What was at the end of the tunnel, even if I could get there?

We stopped when we found a small abandoned shrine to a local deity. I wondered why people stopped coming, anything to get my mind off the previous thoughts. Vines had overgrown, entwining each other like long fingers. The yard was long covered in weeds and discarded leaves. It was obvious that no one had set foot in here for a while. I wondered what ghosts of memories haunted this place. How many people came to pray here to the deity? Was this around back when Japan was all agricultural? Did it ever see the samurai before the Meiji Restoration? How many priests watched over this shrine before time finally won over?

I was becoming far too contemplative. Then again, I think a lot. Never mind that this was vacation from school and I still had not read all of my book. That would need to get done. It fact, it was Wednesday, and it needed to be done by class on Friday. Tomorrow would be hell.

Our trip was almost over. That stuck to me. Tomorrow we would go back to Domino and this dream would be over. That was what this felt like: a dream. Would Kaiba-kun remember this dream when he woke up and returned to work? I would try.

Then again, a dream is only a dream.

Did I want him to remember? Did I want to remember? Did I not just imply a while ago that I wanted to shove this all aside and pretend that it never existed? Well, I guess I could scrap that idea. I liked Kaiba-kun, and here we were, in silence, except for the insect life. We had even stopped walking. I was standing perhaps a little too close to him, but he did not extend the distance between us. Perhaps he did not notice. Perhaps he was in awe of the same thoughts that I had before. The ones about the shrine, mind you, not about us. There was no 'us.'

I was so confused. One minute, I felt like this, and another, I felt like that. I feel now that I am far too fickle for my own good. My indecisiveness would get the best of me someday, I knew it.

"Are you alright?" Kaiba-kun broke the silence. It surprised me that he would actually care whether my health was up to par or not. After all, he had just tied in a duel, which I suppose to him and his stubbornness, was worse than losing. In a tie, there is no winner. It also surprised me because of who he was. Kaiba-kun was not supposed to care about anybody except his brother.

I nodded. "Yes, I was just thinking." Kaiba-kun all but said that he did not think of me as a friend, but he asked how I was. Perhaps that was because if I suddenly died right here, he would be blamed. I don't know—random quip of thought. But the said that he liked talking to me. That made me feel a lot better.

"_Good luck,"_ I wished him earlier. Did he care? Did he remember? I was so scared that he would just ignore me then, even if I had not realized it.

I looked up. Away from the city and people and lights, one could see the stars so clearly. As a child, I wished that I could go among the stars and touch them, hold them in my hands and make a wish. I wanted to reach out and touch them, but they were too far away, much like how I saw Kaiba-kun right then. I have since given up those dreams, of course, for wishes and hope die with time, as these emotions probably would as well. But still, they were something to look at. "It's beautiful."

Kaiba-kun looked up as well. My heart was pounding. I was still so close to him, our arms, our hands, our fingers were just a couple of inches apart. The setting was one of such romance, and I was almost sad that it was wasted on two people so distant as us, despite our physical proximity.

How did Kaiba-kun feel when he looked at the stars? Did he also remember his own childhood? He was too set on his path to feel the same conflicting emotions that I felt. He knew what he wanted from life and would attempt to reach his dreams no matter the obstacles.

I was still looking at the stars, almost distracted, when I heard him move. The dried leaves crumpled. It sounded so loud in the silence. I turned to see where he was going, but a warm hand cupped my cheek halfway so that I was still looking upwards, but now, instead of seeing glimmering dots of burning helium and plasma, I was looking up into Kaiba-kun's silhouette. His eyes stared into mine and I felt faint. He kissed me, lightly and slowly, and I could not help but to timidly comply. I was too scared to do anything else.

He let me go from his spell and walked away, back towards the festival, back to the people, and away from me. I could not think. I could only hurt as his back retreated down the path that we had come up and he did not make eye contact with me.

I sat down, suddenly, and cried.

* * *

By the time this is done… I've finished Crime & Punishment! I've read it, tested on it, it's over! As is all of my school-related book reading. I took my AP test, probably got a 2 on it or something… and zoned out while playing on a swivel chair and putting stickers with my AP number and barcode all over my body. But now I can sit back and read Sherlock Holmes and the Hitchhiker's Guide! Oh, and all the other books I got. Actually, right now, I've just finished Gaston Leroux's, "The Phantom of the Opera" and am currently reading Maurice Leblanc's, "The Extraordinary Adventures of Arsene Lupin, Gentleman Burglar." Wonderful reads. I'm a nerd. 

Actually, I really am sorry for not being able to update this. It's actually not my homework this time, but my brother's. Poor boy, he's been staying up very late to finish stuff on the computer.

Ack, as I type this, I am graduating in one week (graduation day is 5-28-05).

I am adding this last line of notes so that the reading will finally be 60 KB and I can post this. --checks-- YES! I win!


	6. Anger

**Feel**

* * *

I have no idea where this story is going to end.

About half an hour after I posted the last chapter, someone reviewed it. I found that funny, for some reason.

I was also looking at the profiles of people who review me (because I do that… because I'm creepy…), and under one person's favorite quotes, it says, "Camels go moo! And Shaadi knows it!" It was then that I realized that it's been so long since I've said that. Okay, less than a year, but now I yell other things randomly. And camels do moo, damn it.

AURON-SAMA (Final Fantasy X) IS IN KINGDOM HEARTS 2! I swear, I will play that game just to have him. (I am a HUGE Auron-sama fan. That can be told from the fact that I call him Auron-sama. And I cried when he went bye-bye.)

To Shawdowwaker: You're graduating too? I assume that you mean class of 2005 and not until 2006. (Go class of '05!) Then I'd have to kill you. And you know what? Seto's just screwed up. That's an answer for everything.

My head hurts.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Anger

* * *

**

Wednesday

I felt like hell by the time I got back to Namakura-san's house. I did not stop by the festival again, I just went straight back.

It was dark and lonely out there. The wind blew the branches of trees, making them rustle and bend like specter's limbs. If I was in any state of mind to start having hallucinations, I was pretty sure that it would have scared the crap out of me. Now, however, I felt that if any dead girls, demons, or ghosts came to do whatever to me, I would have simply told them that tonight was not a good night, or just beat the crap out of them right there. I was not in a good mood.

I knocked on the door. Namakura-san answered it. She seemed surprised that I was alone. Then again, I probably would be as well, if I was in her position.

"Bakura-kun, are you alright?"

I nodded, but did not verbally answer. I felt that I could not speak for the life of me. If I opened my mouth, I would remember, and so many word would pour out that were not directed at the wonderful old woman in front of me.

"Come, have some tea."

She sat me down and I complied, like a marionette. Except unlike the marionette, who knew who it was that was pulling its strings, I did not know whom it was that was forcing me to move. I did not want to move. I wanted to lay down and cry some more.

However, the tea did taste good. It helped more than one would think that it would. I felt this utter despair for some reason.

People would assume that I would feel a sort of glee, some kind of ecstatic happiness because he kissed me, but no, instead I felt so horribly confused. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but I could not. If I opened my mouth to do so, I would choke and cry.

"What's wrong?" Namakura-san was sitting next to me. She watched me patiently and I wished, deeply, that she was my grandmother, as stupid as that may sound. I wanted to be a young child again whose worst concern is of a broken toy.

I shook my head. I made the mistake of trying to open my mouth to say something and a choking sound came out. The tears that I had been fighting once again came out. I hated all of this. I really did. But Namakura-san just held her arms out and hugged me as a parent or grandparent would do for a child. It had been a long time since any adult was around to care about anything that happened to me, and it made me feel comforted. She did not ask again what was wrong or why I was crying, she just sat there. I was beginning to feel angry at myself for crying, and for worrying this poor woman who had done so much to care for us already and was now acting as my shoulder to cry on.

Perhaps, unlike how I saw Kaiba-kun later on, I was the selfish one.

* * *

I apologized profusely to Namakura-san and went to bed shortly after the previous scene. I wanted to be asleep before the others came home. I did not want to see Kaiba-kun. He scared me now.

I hid under my blankets from the demons that were going to haunt me. I did not want to see Kaiba-kun. I did not want to see anyone, because it was obvious that I had been crying, and that would lead to questions. That would not lead to any good end. Then again, I doubted that this would end well anyway.

His lips had been firm. His hands were warm on me and it had felt good. Why was I scared? Why did he have to do something like that to me? Did he really hate me so much?

I knew I was going to be a mess by the time I woke up. But I tried to go to sleep anyway, because that was the way to get away. I knew that Yuugi-tachi would question me in the morning, I knew that I would not be able to face Kaiba-kun's eyes. I knew that my life would be so miserable until we went home and life went back on its normal course and I never saw Kaiba-kun in so personal a setting.

Why did he kiss me? I wanted to know so badly. No matter what insane thoughts may cross my mind, I knew that he could not like me like that. He just could not like me. He said so himself that he could not form close relationships.

I felt so incredibly tired. That usually happened to people after they have cried a lot. I curled up and somehow, as if an apology from the divine scriptwriter finally came, I fell asleep before people returned.

* * *

Thursday

I woke up at possibly the worst time the next morning.

I was once again alone with Kaiba-kun, who was packing his computers away. I had no idea where Mokuba-kun was, but I wanted him here with us. I did not feel safe.

I did not speak, and he did not speak. It was an awkward silence. But then again, Kaiba-kun usually didn't speak to people unless he was forced to answer something or if the people annoyed him. So I sat there, trying to collect enough brainwaves to move. Mornings really were not my thing.

My eyes felt so heavy. I had no doubt that I looked horrible.

The silence was making me crazy. I wanted him to say something, anything, but preferably an apology that I knew that he would never make. Why would he apologize? For confusing me? For making me feel so conflicted? For making me depressed? For making my heart hurt? For being my first kiss?

Yes, I felt just a little bitter. It was quite understandable, to me at least.

The door slid open and Mokuba-kun walked in. He blinked at me a couple of times in surprise before closing the door. "Bakura-kun," he greeted, "you look like crap." I think I made some sort of unhappy, tired noise at him. He was certainly being nice so early in the morning. "Why did you leave early last night?"

I really did not want to answer. The answer was painful. "I didn't feel good."

"Are you getting sick again? Seto," he looked at his brother, "why didn't you stay with him this time?" The elder brother was silent. I did not expect him to say anything. It would have made me want to kill myself if he said anything.

He did something equally cruel: he left without a word. Was I such a shame on him? If so, then it was his fault, because he was the one who did it.

"Did you and nii-sama get into a fight?" Mokuba-kun asked me, looking sad. It made me feel bad. "Seto seems unhappy."

Does Kaiba-kun ever seem happy? I did not actually ask that. However, I did not know what to tell Mokuba-kun. I could not tell him that we had a fight, exactly, nor could I tell him what had actually transpired.

"It was just a small disagreement."

"Then why does it look like you cried yourself to sleep?" I looked at him curiously. "I've done it enough," he answered, "so I know what it looks like."

"Just… never mind it." I shook my head. "It doesn't matter."

"But I do care what happens," he almost yelled, "not just for Seto's sake, but for yours as well."

Alright, since it was the last day, perhaps we would try something. Just because I feel slightly bitter and have almost stopped caring what people think of me. "Okay, Mokuba-kun, I'll tell you if you promise not to tell your brother." I wanted to sound vindictive, but the feelings of such an emotion began to fade at the sight of that young boy nodding, so worried about his brother. No, Mokuba-kun was not the one to be angry with. It was all Kaiba-kun's fault. I began to feel a little embarrassed, and increasingly sad. "I guess you could say that I like your brother. I mean, not in the normal way. Or, at least, I did."

"What happened to make it past tense?"

I shook my head. "That is too personal of a matter." I was surprised that he was not disturbed by what I had told him. He should have been wide-eyed, staring at me as if I was a demon or something. I had no idea why I felt that he should react as such, perhaps it would make myself feel as if I actually deserved pity. The Kaiba brothers confused me. The only thing that I could be sure about was that they would never cease to surprise me. "But remember, you promised to not tell Kaiba-kun."

He nodded, also a little saddened. "Is there any way that you could still be his friend?"

I remembered the kiss, how it felt, how it made me weak and scared. "Perhaps. But right now, I just need to think." I did not know what I needed to think about, but perhaps having random thoughts bump around like a weightless rubber ball would help.

Maybe I was bipolar, really. It would explain a lot.

I was still angry at Kaiba-kun. If he were here and Mokuba-kun were not, I could kid myself by saying that I would yell at him, demand an answer, but I knew that I was not that brave, nor would I ever be. People can always tell themselves that they would this and that in a situation, but the real thing is so different than what you have trained yourself for. I could picture the scenarios, but if it ever actually happened, I would feel faint once again, and scared. I would feel so pitiful, and that would make me feel even more angry later on.

"Well," Mokuba-kun looked at the floor apologetically. What did he need to apologize about? "Do you need any help packing? I've already eaten and packed my things."

I looked around at what I had. The only things that actually belonged to me that were not in my suitcase were my yukata, a couple of pairs of dirty clothes, and that book. I needed to read that book. Maybe I would do that on the bus ride home. "I think I can manage." I answered finally. "But hey," I really felt that I was depriving him of conversation that he really wanted to have, "how has school been for you?" How young was Mokuba-kun? Six years younger than us? That meant that he was about to turn twelve. Damn it, was he a smart eleven-year-old. (1)

"Well, I started junior high." He wrinkled his nose in thought. That was cute. Kami-sama, I was turning into a girl. "I have the highest grade in math and science, as well as English, Japanese, and gym. Japanese Literature, I'm doing fairly well in. Seto tutors me sometimes, when he isn't working. Because I help work at the office, I am excused from joining a club."

"You sound busy." I was isolated in junior high. No one wanted me. I was like the little boy at the carnival that, when he arrived at the balloon vender, there were no balloons. (2) I was the one who would watch all of the other kids play while sitting on a swing at the playground, alone, until someone came and asked if they could swing, since I was not really.

"Yeah, I guess." He sat in more thought. For an eleven-year-old, he thought a lot. That was probably because that, as Kaiba Mokuba-kun, he had been through a lot more than any other eleven-year-old had.

At this time, I had a much higher opinion of the younger of the Kaiba brothers than of the elder. The younger seemed so positive, and that was not just out of his physical immaturity. He knew that the world was an unfair game, but he took it in stride and still kept a happy face. Of course, there were times when one could not keep happy, and it would fall then, but in everyday life, he was far better at coping, it seemed, than his brother. Kaiba-kun coped by hiding his problems under a rug and focusing instead on work and Duel Monsters. He placed the mask on his face and did whatever the hell is was that he did.

Perhaps that was a better way of coping than mine. I had a tendency to run away from whatever was hurting me. However, for the longest time, I could not run away because my demon followed me. He stayed with me, leaving behind actions that I thought were my own and that I would run from.

Though sometimes, it really is easier to run from problems than to face them, especially if one has been alone, as I have. I was running away from this problem with Kaiba-kun by going back to Domino and simply never talking to him again, except when needed, which would be a rare occurrence.

I was running away, but stabbing myself deeper as I went with every step. For, while I may be pushing myself away from him, I would still always cherish how he made me feel when he spoke to me.

"I need to take a bath before we leave." Mokuba-kun commented out of the blue. The absurdity and divergence from our previous subject made me want to laugh.

"You go do that," I smiled, holding in the laugh.

"I'll be back soon." He grabbed another change of clothes and a towel. I, personally, did not care how I smelt the entire way home. I would take a shower in my own shower with my white bathroom walls to keep me company.

I used to wonder why the walls of hospitals and asylums were white. They were not off-white, but just glaringly white. I think I may have known then. While white may make the saner, healthier people unnerved, for those who were there for a reason, it gave them the absence of inspiration and made them, well, sedated. In asylums, it probably made some of the patients less likely to do anything. These were my thoughts, at least. The white walls became their prisons. My walls were my asylum, my prison. There, I could escape and do whatever I pleased because of my loneliness. My home was an asylum. I could vent my anger there instead of keeping it bottled up. I could cry there if I pleased and not worry about anybody caring.

After all, I was only an inmate.

Kaiba-kun came in at this time. His hair was damp, as was the towel that he was packing away. Our bus would be at the stop right after lunch. We would arrive home rather late in the evening and be expected to go to school the next day. I wondered if I could take off tomorrow.

Kaiba-kun was ignoring me. I could tell that he was doing it on purpose, because his eyes did not come to my side of the room, except as a far-off glance. I could say something. It would have been foolish and out of character, but I could have. Instead, I packed my clothing and book away. I put my slippers into my suitcase as well, ready to walk around in socks until we left. It did not matter. What mattered was what I wanted to ask, what I wanted answered. They were the questions that were plaguing my mind and could only be answered by the person that I did not want to speak to.

What right did he have to confuse me so much?

I imagine that I am an implosively angry person. I let my anger seethe for a while and build up. I may forget it's there, but it does store itself. Each little thing adds to it until I just go insane and act upon it. This hardly ever happened, and usually within the walls of my asylum, so there were no accounts of it.

But now I felt it again, building on top of last night and other unrelated incidents. He was ignoring me on purpose.

I made the mistake of trying to be bold, to take the initiative. I decided to bring up the question on my own.

"Kaiba-kun, I wanted to talk to you about last night."

Silence answered me, except for the rustling of his jacket and the zip of some case of other, whether it be clothes or laptop.

"What did you mean by it?" I could not even say it. It was like our hidden sin, except that it was not really a sin. It was just a stolen kiss, which may seem small in perspective, but to me felt so much more because of how I felt. I had finally sorted out my feelings (sort of), and he went and did that. I almost felt like picking up some stick-like object and beating him with it.

he still ignored me, as if he was silent for long enough, I would just disappear. Normally, I probably would have, but I was getting angry, so it was very unlikely.

"Kaiba-kun." Silence. "Damn it, answer me!"

"Just go away," he did answer, acutely. His voice was sharp.

No. "Look, I deserve to know why."

"It doesn't matter."

Like hell! "What? What doesn't matter?" I could felt the torrent of emotions. "That I have been confused, scared, and angry ever since? That you kissed me? That I came back here, crying because I didn't know what to do or what anything meant anymore?"

He stood and turned to me quickly. In any other circumstance, the look on his face would have scared me. Now, however, I was pissed, so no glares could have bothered me. "No," he said with a dangerous tone, "none of it. Nothing matters! Just forget it!"

Forget the hole in my heart, bleeding because of you? No.

Later, I would look back on my next actions and wonder just how much of an influence that Yami Bakura had on me while he still existed in the Sennen Ring.

I slapped Kaiba-kun. The whipped skin-to-skin contact left a loud clap. I barely had time to notice the red bruise on his face before feeling pain in my cheek. Kaiba-kun had punched me in the jaw and in the process, I had bit my own bottom lip open. I could taste the metallic taste of blood and feel the warm trickle down my chin before barely hearing the drips on the floor. It was so tensely silent that we could both hear it. It was the first time that anyone had actually punched me. My mind rarely registered it.

We were both breathing hard, anger still existing. It would not vanish for a long time, I felt then.

"Kaiba-kun," I said quietly, careful not to touch anything on the injured part of my lip, "why did you kiss me?" I was sure that I looked even more like hell then I had last night.

"I don't know," he answered finally. I wanted to scream at him more, to demand to hear an actual answer, to know what exactly went through his head when he did it, but footsteps were rapidly approaching. The door slid open.

"What the hell happened here?" Honda-kun's voice yelled.

"Get a first aid kit from Namakura-san." Yuugi instructed.

"Right." Ryuuzaki-kun and Haga-kun ran off. I had forgotten that they even existed in all of this. They had kept to themselves and were not involved in this little soap opera.

I did not look at them. My eyes were still locked on Kaiba-kun's, and his were on mine. I was still angry. He frustrated me so easily. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that I would feel sorry soon enough, but that did not matter at that time.

Our stares were compromised when Jounouchi-kun grabbed the front of Kaiba-kun's collar. "What did you do to Bakura-kun?"

I shook my head. "Nothing at all, Jounouchi-kun."

There was no plausible deniability. There was a hand-sized bruise on Kaiba-kun's cheek. I had a fist-sized one on mine and a bloody lip that must have been cut deep, because a small puddle was starting to collect from the drops on the floor.

"Nii-sama, what happened?" Mokuba-kun pushed his way into the room and ran to his brother. "Why did you two fight?"

"It's nothing." He echoed my sentiments. It was nothing. Nothing mattered. I wanted to punch him.

"Are you two alright?" Namakura-san came in with a first aid kit. She noticed my lip and came over with gauze and iodine. I knew this would hurt like hell. "Tell me what happened."

"We just had a disagreement," I answered.

She looked at me with hurt in her eyes. I could tell that she was remembering my state of being last night. It made me feel horrible. Then she began cleaning my cut and I yelped. It hurt!

Jounouchi-kun had, by this time, let Kaiba-kun go and went back to where Yuugi-kun was near the door. This was probably because Honda-kun had talked sense into him. Everyone was in a sort of silence.

"There, now." Namakura-san finished cleaning up my lip and quickly cleaned the blood that had dripped on the floor. She seemed undisturbed by the silence. I had the feeling, though, that we had hurt her. I would go apologize to her later. She left us and her grandchildren, who had not spoken the entire time, followed.

"Go on," I said quietly, "there's nothing to see here." There were only us.

"I don't think we should leave you alone," Jounouchi started.

Honda interrupted him by placing a hand on his shoulder. He shook his head. "This is something that they need to work out. Come on." He led Yuugi-kun, Jounouchi-kun, Ryuuzaki-kun, and Haga-kun out. "Bakura-kun, can I talk to you?"

I just nodded and followed. I did not look at Kaiba-kun or Mokuba-kun. I could not look at either of them. I promised Mokuba-kun that I would try to be his brother's friend, and I had told him that I liked Kaiba-kun before. I wondered what was going through his head. I wondered how much it hurt him. This drama was not only affecting Kaiba-kun and I, but everybody else. I could have done as Kaiba-kun did and just forgotten about it, but the heat of the moments built up and I persisted. So instead I selfishly involved other people.

I was the selfish one, not Kaiba-kun.

Honda-kun closed the door behind me and led me to the yard where I read my book under the sakura tree before. It made me remember.

"Bakura-kun, what is going on between you and Kaiba-kun?"

I shook my head. "I really don't know."

"Did he do something to you?"

Despite his tough exterior, Honda-kun really did care about people. It was a pity that I could not have liked him instead, and then this would have been so much easier. No, I liked that asshole back there. At least, I used to.

"No, I did something to myself," I answered. It was close enough to the truth to be considered such. I wanted to cry some more. There were so many things I wanted to do. I wanted my asylum.

"What did you do?" he asked me. God, why were you all so concerned? It did not really matter, after all. _Why did you all care? You, Honda-kun, and also Yuugi-kun and Jounouchi-kun. Namakura-san and Mokuba-kun a well. _I dragged all of them into this. I was becoming angry with myself again. Today was not a happy day.

I wanted Yami Bakura back again. He could have done something. That something would probably have been punching Kaiba-kun that night, rather than waiting until the next morning to give him a girlish slap. Then again, Yami Bakura probably would have gotten me detained for assault, so that would have been bad. But still, I wished he was here.

I began to choke again, holding more tears back. It was not as difficult as last night, and the torrent would not be so strong, but I still held them back. I could feel my eyes watering.

"Bakura-kun, what did you do?" He probably feared the worst, like I had cut myself or something. No, Honda-kun, I did not try to suicide, though the idea seemed nice at a time.

"I liked him." Yeah, I may as well just have told everyone. It did not matter anymore. I was standing there, Kaiba-kun caused me to cry, I hit him, what else could it have plausibly been? Then again, I was sure that the truth seemed like a far-off notion as well.

He was silent for a few moments. "Did he hit you because you told him that?" he asked finally. He was probably getting over the shock that I was gay.

I shook my head. "No, I hit him first. He does not know. He won't know."

"Then why did you two fight?"

I did not want to tell him. "He was being a jerk."

"Like he normally is?"

"No," I hesitated, "he could be nice. He made me smile. I could talk to him." I was digging my nails into my own palms and it was beginning to hurt. More bleeding would not have been fun. I relinquished my grip on my own hands. "I liked him. But that's over."

"Why is that? You say that he was nice to you, and you knew that he acted like a jerk the majority of the time, but you still liked him. Then you punched him. There must have been reason for that, and for your decision that it's over."

I lowered my eyes. "That's between us."

"Bakura-kun, you're confusing sometimes."

Luckily, he could not read my mind, or he would be terribly confused all the time.

"Did he hurt you?"

I shook my head. No, he did not really. Physically, at least.

Was there any way that the situation could have been resolved? I realize that I may have overreacted, but why did he have to act like it shamed him when he was the one who did it? Maybe this could have all been prevented if I acted like my normal self and kept it to myself, rather than questioned him.

If that were the case, would my heart still hurt?

"Bakura-kun, to make something clear," Honda-kun interrupted my increasingly depressing train of thought, "I don't mind that you liked Kaiba-kun. I'm damn sure that the others wouldn't, either, though I won't tell them. I just want to know what he did to you that made you angry enough to hit him. That way, I would have a reason to hit him." He said this with a smile, so the last part was a joke. Though he probably would hit Kaiba-kun if he knew what all happened, especially if he saw me the way Namakura-san did.

"No, I can handle it. After all, I'm seventeen, so if I can't handle this by now, I won't be able to."

"Yeah," he grinned, "just wanted to let you know that you can talk to me."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

We parted ways. He went to Yuugi-tachi, probably to tell them that Kaiba-kun just pissed me off with a comment or something, and I went to find Namakura-san. She was in the kitchen.

"Namakura-san?" I poked my head in. As she looked at me, I came in and bowed low. "I am sorry for starting that fight in your home. Please forgive me."

"Bakura-kun, I am ashamed that you two would fight like that, because you two seemed to get along so well." This was hurting. "But you do not need to act like you are going through attrition."

"But after all that you had done for us, physically and emotionally for me, I let an argument become physical. I am sorry."

"I accept your apology." She opened her arms for a hug. "You all are going home today. I have almost become used to the bustle of so many young people. I will miss all of you."

"I'll miss you, too."

"Now, for your punishment," she smiled, "you can help me make lunch."

We laughed. It felt foreign. So many things did. But at least I did not feel angry anymore.

* * *

Notes and Translations:

(1) Odd as it may seem, I think he really is six years younger than Seto. I think they were adopted at ages ten and four. Or something. I really cannot believe it in this perspective, but fact is fact!

(2) This is a reference to "Boys Next Door" by Kaori Yuki. It's a shounen ai one-shot that I think of whenever I write/read something about someone being lonely. There is a quote: "Am I the child that nobody wants? Is that why there's no balloons for me?" The child asked this because he went to a carnival, where he saw a clown handing out balloons. By the time he got to the clown, there were no balloons and his mother had already abandoned him there. It was sad. It made me want to cry.

Vocabulary time!

**Attrition**: While Microsoft Word may say that it is synonymous with 'erosion,' I like the Se7en (starring Morgan Freeman (the coolest old guy in the world) and Brad Pitt) definition: "that's where you repent, but not because you love God." It is a forced repentance for sins.

I actually got through this chapter pretty quickly. There's a lot less dialogue and more actual paragraph than the last chapters, so it seems shorter. But I wrote about 10 KB in one night (from 30 KB to 40 KB), when my minimum requirement for myself is 60 KB. Maybe I should start making it 60 KB and nine pages. Call me perfectionist; I call me crazy.

Hee, the past few days have been awesome-possum. Auron-sama (Final Fantasy X) will be in Kingdom Hearts 2, meaning that even if I never finish the first one, I will get it. (I love Auron-sama, never mind he's old and dead.) Love Mode is coming out to book stores in November… life feels great. Never mind that I am about to graduate and probably never see some of my friends again.

I posted this on graduation day. Just because. I do things like that. It's 6:09 in the morning. Cheers.


	7. Empty

**Feel**

* * *

Did you know that there was some Confederate guy in the American Civil War named Joseph Wheeler? My brother pointed this out to me when he was going his Civil War project. Now I blame Jounouchi for the Confederates losing. He does something on TV that is stupid, I point and yell, "Jounouchi-kun, you lost the Civil War!" 

Sh-t munky, I'm on chapter 7? Where has my life gone? I was supposed to start planning a Shinigami costume so I can cosplay as Rukia (Bleach)! But I feel bad, because I was sitting there, like, 'I really don't want to work on this.' I've really got to learn: if I decide to screw with characters' existences, I have to carry it through to the end.

Shadowwaker-san: Nope, I have no clue what I'm doing. I could just end it here. But then I might die. I don't want to die either. At least, not now. I promised my invisible friend that I would graduate from college.

Ai Baka-san Austra: Nope, you don't creep me out one bit! And actually, this is my first time writing it slowly, really. I looked at the big picture and realized: wow, I'm dragging it out. I guess that's a good thing… maybe. And I think that this fic will be sex-less. Kami-sama knows I don't need to read anymore of that, let alone write it.

Who knows… I may leave this one-sided. I will note that I never know what is going to happen when I start a fic. That may be why I hardly finish. But hopefully this one, since I have devoted so much time to it, will eventually have an end.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**Empty

* * *

**

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth."

—Henry David Thoreau

* * *

Thursday

It was one in the afternoon when the bus came. We were waiting for it in town. Namakura-san and the American siblings said goodbye to us, some tearfully. I think Conner-san and Mokuba-kun traded emails earlier in the day (Or, as I heard it, Conner-san gave him Courtney-san's email, since he had none of his own.).

The Kaiba brothers were already gone. They left half an hour earlier in a taxi that would take them to the closest airport so that they would not have to ride the bus all day. Sometimes life just was not fair.

My lip was still hurting. I think it got a little swollen. I would have to explain it to Anzu-chan, who would probably go yell at Kaiba-kun for being involved. Or just existing—I felt like doing that right about now. No, no. I was not that screwed up. Well, at times perhaps, but not now.

The bus pulled up. Haga-kun and Ryuuzaki-kun were the first ones on from our group, after bowing and saying thank you to Namakura-san. Duelists from other towns on the same route piled on one by one.

"Come on, we have to get good seats!" Jounouchi-kun flew on. Yuugi-kun and Honda-kun bowed before following him. I bowed as well and smiled.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Bakura-kun." She bowed and I loaded myself onto the bus as well. I sat on the row with Yuugi-kun as I did on the way up, but this time, the scenery would by backwards. Perhaps my emotions would be a little backwards as well. When I came, I wanted to come, but I also wanted to go to the comfort of home. I guess that still applied—I was happy to be going home because I was tired and I needed my asylum.

On the way here, I had nothing to really look forward to, either positive or negative. On this venture, however, I had to look forward to seeing Kaiba-kun tomorrow in school. I had to look forward to remembering. I had to look forward to looking backward, and not really forward at all.

I used to say that I did not dwell on the past so much, as with the Amane thing. I let those things make me dispassionate. This thing with Kaiba-kun, however, made me feel so many different emotions that it was confusing.

I wondered what, and when, the first thing I would say to Kaiba-kun would be after we came back. I did not normally talk to him, unless there was a tournament or assignment, so I could very well not speak to him for the rest of the school year (and, at that, high school), if I was lucky. Lately, I had come to doubt my luck, however.

I pulled out my Thoreau book and thanked anyone that I was not prone to carsickness. We would have something on this tomorrow, probably a test, so I decided that perhaps reading was the best thing to do. Honda-kun seemed to decide the same, and, seeing as he had the same copy as me, he was not far along.

Yuugi-kun and Jounouchi-kun talked, which gave an eerie sense of normality, considering how odd everything had been over the past few days around me and concerning Kaiba-kun. Was I coming out of the rabbit hole?

Knowing my recent luck, no. This was just a little bit of calm before it got worse. The divine scriptwriter was really screwing with me.

I read the whole way home, stopping once for a bathroom break when the bus did and pausing for a few moments to breath. I was a few pages from finished when the others started dragging their things together to get off. We were in Domino city limits. It was dark outside, the streetlights and buildings being the only mentionable light. There were the stars, but the stars had already caused me enough trouble for the week, namely one incident which I hoped desperately to forget.

Then again, as long as a person thinks of something, they will never forget it. Theoretically, at least. There are always exceptions.

I began to speed-read the last pages, hoping to finish them. I noticed that I was better at reading English when I did not think so much about it, probably because my brain was focusing so hard to keep off unwanted ideas.

I would be going back to school tomorrow. How much had I changed? A little too much for my tastes, and yet, physically, I was still the same person, just with a messed up lip. But that was not too much of a change, I supposed. Not enough to mention. Now, if I had changed sex or species that would be worth noticing.

I should stop trying to joke. I was not in the mood.

We got to the stop and the bus slowed down jerkily. I almost did not want to get off, despite that it was still the bus driver that did not like me. But I felt that way possibly because when I got off, I would be stepping back into the world that I had known and the world that was, well, normal. The normalcy was odd and more than a little confusing.

As I hefted by carry-on bag on my shoulder and stepped off of that bus, ignoring the staring bus driver, and into the world of the normal, I felt so empty.

* * *

Friday

The next day at school was a little sluggish, mostly because se we just returned from almost an entire week of vacation.

The first thing I noticed when I sat down was that Kaiba-kun was not there. Perhaps he was at work. I did not want to think about it.

Anzu-chan asked us about how the trip was. She told us about her family and how different Tokyo was from Domino. In all, she had a good time. I was a little jealous. We told her a brief lie about my lip and she was angry at the absent Kaiba-kun.

The teachers did not want to be there, as was obviously noticed. The students really did not want to be there. We did not really do too much in class besides read aloud, except in English. He assigned us homework. It was a paired assignment to write a research paper about another instance in history when civil disobedience was displayed in order to better society. The teacher got this idea from his study abroad in America when he was younger. I just wanted to strangle whoever originally came up with the idea. After all, we had to write it in English.

Pairs were to be chosen by use of the ladder game. (1) I hated that game.

Yuugi-tachi all had random partners. I hoped that Yuugi-kun, Jounouchi-kun, and Honda-kun's partners read the whole thing through.

"Bakura-kun," Kawakami-sensei called me. I prayed to whatever god that I would have a partner who was good at English. I should have known that the second part of the storm is worse than the beginning. "You are paired with Kaiba-kun."

I wanted to cry. Yuugi-kun, Jounouchi-kun, and especially Honda-kun stared at me. The fact that I had been chosen to partner with him was so normal that I could not refuse without seeming abnormal. After all, someone had to be his partner, so why not me? So I wasn't that surprised, despite the intense urge to cry at the inevitable.

I hated the ladder game.

* * *

"Bakura-kun," Kawakami-sensei called my over. He was a skinny, feminine teacher, which made me wonder if he was some secret descendant of Kawakami Gensai, the samurai. (2) The kanji of their names were different, but who knows? He was one of the few people I remembered from history. 

"Yes, sir?" I stopped at his desk as he put some papers into a manila folder.

"Since you are Kaiba-kun's partner and he is absent today," yes, my life is centered around Kaiba-kun now, is it not? "Could you possibly drop his schoolwork assignments at his house?"

"Sure." I took the folder, which contained notes of what pages to do in which workbooks. If Kaiba-kun did not have his books at home, too bad for him, I guessed.

Looking back, it surprised me how calmly I reacted. I went without argument, though it would have been selfish to argue with the teacher, since he had absolutely nothing to do with the DM tournament and I did not think he was in Kyoto at the time.

My lack of emotions scared me. The easiness to look at the situation with such cynical logic made me feel empty.

Kaiba-kun's house was not too much of a detour from my own, nor did I have any real reason to go home, aside from school regulation. I enjoyed walking usually, so I did not mind passing the turn that I would normally make to go home. As long as I did not think, I would not feel fearful emotion. As long as I did not think, I would not feel. That was the mantra which I had to repeat to myself.

The first bit of nervousness came when I came up to the front gate. The place was huge, something I had expected, but not on that magnitude! It could fit several of my apartment complexes on the grounds that I could see alone!

Life was really unfair.

It was not that I wanted all of that room to myself, though. I mean, that would be far too lonely, especially for someone living completely alone, such as myself. The Kaiba brothers had servants and whatnot, I knew. But you could still use a lot of that land to build residences for other people, if you really wanted to. My thoughts, at least. I would not voice them to anyone anytime soon.

I was contemplating whether or not I should push the call button and wait, or to push the call button, leave the stuff, and run. I did not need to see Kaiba-kun, really. The sweat on the back of my neck and the flushed feeling proved that. I was starting to feel uncomfortable.

Now I was contemplating whether or not to even push the call button. I could just leave the work there and run away. Someone would find it eventually. But no, then I would be failing Kawakami-sensei. He would call upon the soul of his possible ancestor and slice me into little bits, or at least scare the crap out of me, since he seemed far too nice to actually do anything.

"Bakura-kun?"

I jumped. I swear, I jumped when that voice called my name. I may have also let out some sort of noise, because Mokuba-kun was staring at me at an even greater degree than one usually gets from just jumping.

"What are you doing here?" The young boy asked, continuing his innocent interrogation. Of course one would ask why someone was suspiciously hanging in front of their house, especially if they knew that the person waiting had a recent fight with a prominent member of the household. Who knows, I may have been there to kill Kaiba-kun.

Very unlikely. I probably could not even win against Yuugi-kun in a match of strength. I had very weak upper body strength. In fact, it probably barely registered in Kaiba-kun's head that I had slapped him.

Kami-sama, I slapped him like a girl. There went my self-esteem.

"I'm here to drop off Kaiba-kun's school assignments."

"You got drafted?" He gave me a look that told me that he knew that I was not really here with my will.

I nodded. "And I also was assigned to work on an English project with him."

"That book?"

Again, I nodded. I finished it last night, luckily.

"Well, come in." He took out a card key (card key!) and unlocked the gate. It slid open easily and he led me in.

Did I really want to go in? Not really.

"Kaiba-kun was absent today," I commented as we reached the front door. I'm sure that I sounded intelligent.

"Yeah," Mokuba-kun opened the door, "he worked himself to exhaustion last night with the company. He decided to stay home and finish that book."

So, even Kaiba-kun has his limits. What do you know, he was human.

"Nii-sama, I'm home!" He called out loud as he shut the door. "Bakura-kun's here with your missed schoolwork as well!"

I expected some sort of dramatic entrance, something that Kaiba-kun usually did. However, he just walked down the stairs, came around, and stared at us for a few moments. Actually, I'm pretty sure that he was staring at me. I was the intruder, after all.

"Hello, Kaiba-kun." I bowed with the bit of composure that I could muster. "Um, Kawakami-sensei gave me your work assignments," should I approach him to give them to him? "And we have been assigned to work together on an English project."

He came towards me. I wanted to hide. I felt filled with emotions, but none of them seemingly positive. It was mostly the urge to pretend that I never existed. I was stupidly holding up the folder that Kawakami-sensei gave me. Kaiba-kun took it, not once breaking eye contact with me.

"The project is an essay," I continued, "a research paper in English about another instance of civil disobedience."

"So we have to work together on this," he stated to himself. I only nodded in reply, not trusting my voice to answer that. Ah, why was I getting so nervous? So long as Mokuba-kun was here, Kaiba-kun would not try anything, would he? I broke the eye contact and felt a little better. I may have shown myself as submissive, but that was the truth, was it not?

"I-if you're busy," I stuttered, "I can do most of the research and we can type it up at a later time."

"When is it due?"

"Next Saturday."

Kaiba-kun made an unhappy sound. It was not a funny one, like some people say that the sounds that I make can be. It was an annoyed sound that, yes, made me want to run and hide. Imagine that. He looked as if he were thinking. "Come over Sunday afternoon around one. We can discuss the subject then."

It was not a question of whether or not I could come over then, but a command telling me to do so. What would he have done if I already had plans with, say, my family? He probably would have killed me. Then again, I did tell him that I lived alone. That may have opened my schedule just a little bit.

I just nodded in reply to that. I had no excuse to disagree. "I need to go home, now." I did not move, however, until someone gave me permission. If I moved, I felt that I would have died. I really felt as if I was walking on thin ice. It gave me that nervous nausea in my stomach that you get when you experience something unpleasant. It was so completely different than what Kaiba-kun made me experience two days ago, even. Was it only two days ago? It seemed like so much longer. But no, two days ago was when the tournament ended and the night when he kissed me. Two days. So much changed in two days.

How much would I change by the time this project ended? I had planned to stay away from Kaiba-kun at all costs, but now I was shoved with him in this and with no way to escape. Did anyone care what I wanted? It seemed so unfair that this would happen right after what previously transpired. And how did Kaiba-kun feel about this? I could not tell, besides some annoyance. Then again, it would also depend on what exactly he was feeling and thinking when he kissed me.

I wondered if I could switch partners.

"I'll let you out, Bakura-kun." Mokuba-kun interrupted my three-second mental trip. He opened the door and waited for me.

"Thank you." Turning to Kaiba-kun, I forced a smile. "Good bye." I followed him out and away from the house, away from Kaiba-kun, who did not say a word of good byes.

As I thought may happen, Mokuba-kun slowed his pace and started speaking as soon as we were out of hearing from the house. "This is a little ironic, isn't it?" He asked me. I nodded in reply. "I hope you and nii-sama don't fight during this. Maybe you two can become friends again."

"Mokuba-kun," I asked suddenly, not knowing exactly why, but knowing that an answer may help my wonder, "has Kaiba-kun ever spoken about me in your presence?" Maybe Kaiba-kun told him something that, while seeming innocent to him, could mean something to me.

Mokuba-kun shook his head. "The only time he really spoke to me concerning you was when I asked him about why you two had a fight."

"And what did he reply?"

"He said that he did something stupid."

* * *

My emotions concerning Kaiba-kun change a lot. I know that I had promised to myself to never think about him again, no matter how impossible such a notion could be, but now I was thrust back into a world where he existed as a prominent part of my life. 

The said blue-eyed antagonist of my life was all that I could think about that evening as I made dinner for myself. I almost cut myself while slicing vegetables. I could not keep my mind on what I was doing. My thoughts were going back to Kaiba-kun.

Perhaps I did overreact when I hit him. It did not seem like it at the time, in the heat of things, but maybe I did. Just maybe, though.

How did I feel about him at this time? I did not know. I felt a hollow resonance within myself. It felt like I was an empty canister or something. Kaiba-kun filled me with emotions that seemed to change with the days. Not even a week ago, I arrived in Kyoto and had a conversation with him about Thoreau and personal views on government. His responses made me feel so many different things at once. Since, my emotions were like random jumps on some field of a spectrum without rhyme or reason. I was afraid of him, then calmed, and then I felt that I liked him. He made me feel happy. He made we wonder my loyalties, and I may have chosen my side before that incident occurred. Then I was angry. Now, now I was something else. I did not know exactly what it was. This was a feeling that was not tangible. I could not name it. It just made me hurt, and not in the same way that I did when I liked Kaiba-kun.

Did I still like him? In this cooled moment when I could look at myself critically, perhaps I still did somewhere in my heart. Then again, my heart may as well have been run through a blender, so emotions were getting rather difficult to figure out.

Did Kaiba-kun ever have emotional trips like this? No, even while knowing that he did have emotions, he was too sure of himself. I think that I have said that before.

'He said that he did something stupid.' Mokuba-kun said this to me.

Did Kaiba-kun regret doing that to me? Whether or not he did, I could not gauge my reaction. If I could stand it, I would ask him to answer my questions. I needed to know that answer to that question: why? It was the question that plagued me the most for the past two days.

I would see Kaiba-kun in school the next day and all would seem normal to the populace, but Yuugi-tachi would still worry, Honda-kun would still know, and I would still feel this hollow emptiness.

Now I should lower the heat on the stove, or the water will boil over.

* * *

Saturday

I did not like math. I was sitting there in the math class, tapping my pencil almost noiselessly against my notes. English and math I disliked—gym as well. Along with being stereotypically feminine, I also had bad experiences with the former gym teacher when I first moved here.

Math was, well, math. I did not like the numbers and symbols, let alone putting them into equations. Algebra I could do. It was when we started getting into Geometry that I started disliking the subject, and I grasped a firm stance when we began Calculus and Trigonometry.

Surprisingly enough, if Jounouchi-kun really wanted to, he could get math. I got to hear the verbal signs of his mental epiphany of understanding as he began working practice problem three ahead of the teacher, who was slowly explaining for the slow learners, such as my self.

And of course, Yuugi-kun, Anzu-chan, and Honda-kun got it. I at one time had thought of asking for tutoring, but for some reason, some end of the world disaster kept occurring, and after all of that was said and done, I just did not want help anymore. Maybe I was just stubborn.

And then there was Kaiba-kun, a mathematical genius.

Math was the class right before English, so the brain got to do a complete turn-around in thinking-style. Luckily, the transition was not too difficult for me because I tended to not think in math. I had the odd feeling that I would not to terribly well on my midterm.

Kawakami-sensei talked a little more on the project, but more on what Thoreau meant to do, what it affected, and what it inspired. I was assuming that this was done when he studied in America because in past years with different teachers, we did not analyze the works so much. We analyzed in Japanese Literature, the books that we could actually read without a dictionary on hand.

My life must have seemed so drab and unimportant. That was how my life usually was, however. I was a person who hardly ever had excitement in his normal life, and when something did happen, it usually ended up in death. That was not a warm fuzzy. So I apologize to anyone who may be bored spying on my life, but this petty normality was what I lived. I liked this normality, even after tasting the new and awkward.

Then again, I could blame you, since you are the one stalking me.

* * *

"Bakura-kun, I've been meaning to ask you," Kawakami-sensei called me over, "about what happened to your lip." He was staring at the healing cut with concern. What lie could I give to a teacher? 

"I got in a fight over break."

"Now that seems unlike you," he frowned at me. "Should I let you talk to a counselor or the nurse?" He was worried, and I guessed that was what teachers did.

I shook my head. "No, that's alright."

"Who did you fight with?"

I did not want to lie to my teacher. He was asking out of actual concern. "Kaiba-kun."

He winced. "So the picking of partners came up badly for you, huh?" He stared at me. "Do you think that something will happen? I can change the groupings."

This was my way out. This was what I had been waiting for since he first named the pairs, and since before. This was my chance to get Kaiba-kun out of my life and put me in a safe zone in which I did not have to deal with the past in Kyoto. I could finally put that behind me and move on.

Then why did I refuse?

I shook my head. "No, Kawakami-sensei, I could not ask you to do that."

"And why not?"

"Because I need to get over it."

He laughed. "That was a mature answer, Bakura-kun." He seemed more like a college student than a teacher. He was fairly young, I supposed, but indeed old enough to have graduated from a university. "How would you like to go get some tea? I could drive you home afterwards."

The prospect of tea with a person I was starting to feel that I could talk to was nice. Especially if that person was not a stoic moving statue most of the time. I nodded in reply. "That would be nice."

Usually, I would wonder about the person's intentions, but this person seemed so warm that the idea that he may try something was horrible in my head. And he did not try anything, not anything that whole time.

I sat in the car and stared around. I would not say that it was the first time that I had been in a person's car, but it was one of the few, since so few people in Japan own cars. That was because there were so many people in such a small space, the same reasons for homes being built up, rather than out. People lived in apartments and not separate houses, usually. The exceptions were older houses built before this present era, like Namakura-san's.

We got out of the car and entered a café that I recognized from my walks home. It was a nice place, though I had not gone inside of it before. It smelled of pastry, coffee, and tea. I ordered some mint tea, since I had wanted to try some, but never really found the chance. Kawakami-sensei ordered coffee.

"I picked up drinking this stuff in America." He indicated the strong-smelling, hot liquid. "It kept me awake long enough to finish my assignments."

Some girls were staring at us, both older ones and ones wearing our school's uniform. I supposed that you could call Kawakami-sensei pretty. He had that reddish-tinted hair that Japanese people sometimes get and narrow black eyes. He looked oddly cool with it, and yet carried it off without much apparent care.

Then there was me, a skinny girlish high school student with white hair and brown eyes. What odd tea-drinking friends we must have seemed.

"So, why did you fight with him?"

I set my cup down. I really could not lie to him now, since he just bought the tea, his treat. I felt bad. "It's complicated."

"Bakura-kun, I think I've handled complicated before."

I sighed. "Fine," I tried to gain a bit of strength. The tea and coffee smells felt a little intoxicating. "To make it short: he was unnaturally kind, I liked him, he kissed me, I asked about it, he didn't answer, I got angry and slapped him, and he hit me back." I touched the cut. It didn't sting, but it still felt weird. I did not want to see Kawakami-sensei's face while he processed it all, especially the 'I liked him' part.

"Hm," my face shot back up to see him smiling simply, "that's not too complicated, though I guess for someone so young, it would seem as such." He sat back and looked off out the window, probably at the same nothing that I had a tendency to stare at. "When my boyfriend and I met, he was Catholic and convinced that he was straight, so we had to go through that whole fiasco. His parents found out after we had slept together, disowned him, and then came my family." He smiled. "They were easier to deal with. It was just the 'I'm disappointed with you, but I guess I'll support you' speech."

Only one thought could actually come out of my mouth. "You're gay?"

"Yep, so I guess no one has to worry when those girls confess to me. Plus, they're students, so I couldn't touch them anyway, even if I did like them."

I didn't know why, but it seemed strange for him to be gay. I supposed that I just never thought about it. If I did, maybe it would be a little more apparent. Or maybe it would if I signed up for the premium membership and got the damn gay-dar.

"So, are you done?"

I looked at my cup and found it empty. "Yeah, I guess so." We stood and threw our cups away before getting back in the car. I directed Kawakami-sensei to my apartment complex.

"Thanks for the tea," I said to him as I got out.

"Bakura-kun," he was still smiling, "I won't tell anyone, so don't worry."

I smiled in return. "Thanks for that, and for being concerned."

"I'm your teacher, I have to care," happy-maniacal teenage gleam to his eyes, "see you."

I closed the door and he drove off. I smiled as he did before walking up the stairs, fishing out the key, and returning to my asylum. But now, it did not seem so bad.

* * *

Notes and Translations: 

(1) Ladder game… I'm really not sure how it works, but it's a way of randomly choosing things in which a group of names is written in a line on top and lines are drawn straight down. More names or subjects are written on the other end of the line. Between those lines, perpendicular lines are drawn. The names are covered. There is some method or sort to drawing down those lines, switching lines on the perpendiculars, etc. I just don't know it.

(2) Kawakami Gensai was a very pretty samurai from the Meiji era. He was sometimes mistaken for a woman at first glance. He was also the samurai that Himura Kenshin (Rurouni Kenshin) was based on.

I'm proud to say that I am typing some of this on my college campus (University of Houston main) because all the other freshmen are registering for classes, which I already did online. I'm just sitting in a café among actual older college students and a few freshmen… it's pretty cool, really. Though I will probably die when the school year starts up, because it is recommended to have about 12 hours of classes a week, and… I have more. A good amount more. I shall commit seppuku before the year is out.

Wait, Chik-fila is open NOW! I just stuck with Wendy's and now that's open? Damn you all! --glares-- Stupid French fries. --is not normally a fan of fast food--

And… another bit of this is being typed in my room, which had been used as a guest bedroom for my grandmother for the past week or so. So this is the first time I've been in my room with my laptop. Odd feeling, it is.

I taste cold medicine. Grape-flavored. --squick--

Typing at midnight is fun!


	8. Like x2

**Feel**

* * *

Shaddowwaker: Kawakami, how Hitokiri-Gensai had it written, meant 'Superior River' or the 'top of a river.' Not sure which. My Kawakami… I could make him 'river god,' couldn't I? The 'kami' used for the hitokiri samurai cool person was not a 'kami' that I usually see. So I guess I'll do that—my teacher character is now a river god. (Actually, I was about to use the exact kanji that the hitokiri's name was, but then I found out what it was.) Yes, I put actual thought and research into this. Man, I am screwed in the head and hungry.

Incoherent: --innocent smile-- I'm sorry, are you trying to hint something?

…I liked Kawakami-sensei. I actually liked him… maybe I won't insert him into an original story in which he is shoved through an emotional blender. (Wildwolf: But you hurt all the characters you like!) But I picked his hair color because my brother likes that color on Japanese people. It's pretty cool, I guess. I've already completely developed the guy and his boyfriend.

…oh yeah, this is the same fic where they went to Kyoto, isn't it?

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Like (x2)

* * *

**

Sunday

Though it may seem odd to the random passersby, I found it perfectly natural that I spent two or three minutes outside of the Kaiba mansion that Sunday, wondering whether or not I should push the call button or run away. I must have looked crazy to any outside being, because I recall walking back and forth and talking to myself. I was mostly trying to tell myself how crazy it was that I was nervous about coming over to work on an assignment. I mean, it was not as if I would be forced to spend several days in the same bedroom as him this time. There was nothing to worry about.

_See, Ryou, perfectly logical. You are working on an assignment. This or fail. You do not want to fail the class, do you? If so, then good luck getting into a good university. That's right, your high school exit exam scores ride on this as well. Do not as why, they just do. Believe me._

For some reason, that line of thought seemed a little less logical.

I took the split second that I felt brave enough to act to push the call button. I wanted to take it back almost immediately, but Kaiba-kun's voice came on. Did he not have servants to do that for him? Well, it was Sunday, and that was when most people took off from work. It made sense to me, and since I was the only one hearing my thoughts, that was all that mattered.

"Hello?"

"Kaiba-kun?" I did not know how close I had to be to the call box to be heard, so I stood close and leaned near it. "It's Bakura Ryou."

There was a pause. "Hold on." The gate unlocked. Damn all of this automated technology. It would scare the crap out of me someday. "Come on and close the gate behind you."

I did so and walked up the same path (driveway) that I did two days ago. This time, however, I felt nervous. I was jittery for some reason. I had no Mokuba-kun to talk to. My heart was pounding like crazy.

Kaiba-kun was waiting for me at the door. That came across to me as strangely funny, and yet not something that I should voice. He did not greet me as I walked up the entrance steps, just opened the door and led me in. The house was still huge, though I think it would have been a little weirder if it had changed sizes between visits. It made me feel incredibly small, like an ant or something. That may have been another reason why I felt skittish, among other, more obvious reasons.

Kaiba-kun led me up a flight of staircase and down a hall. I did not ask where we were going, because the answer I would get would be blunt, would only tell me the room and not the location, and would probably hold tones of 'why would you ask such a stupid question' in it. I did not need the self-esteem beating.

Our destination was on office on the left hand side. The computer and lights were already on. Two chairs were near the desk, one in front and one to the side. They were more than adequately spaced apart, meaning that Kaiba-kun was most likely the one to set them up. I took the one to the side, since I assumed that Kaiba-kun would want to sit near his computer.

We were silent for a few moments.

"About the project," Kaiba-kun said suddenly, making me jerk up, "I compiled a list of possible subjects."

He handed me the list. At the top were the more obvious choices: Gandhi, Tiananmen Square, things in South Africa, the civil rights movements of the United States, and recent events in Japan concerning the National Identity Program.

"Well, a lot of people are doing Gandhi and Tiananmen, from what I've heard," such as Yuugi-kun's, Jounouchi-kun's, and Honda-kun's groups, "and sensei mentioned that something as broad as entire countries should be cut down into more specific instances."

"Nn," Kaiba-kun nodded.

We discussed for half hour before coming to the conclusion that it would include South Africa, since that seemed more interesting and less like a subject that other students would pick. Whatever specific thing we wrote about had to be about non-violent protest, as shown in Thoreau's essay.

Mokuba-kun came to check on us. "Hi!" He was holding two glasses. "I brought some water for you two in case you were thirsty. I'll just set them here." He put them on a side table and ran off, but not before shooting one last grin. I wondered what he was thinking. That child could be as confusing as his brother sometimes, though in vastly different ways, of course.

I waited a couple of moments for Kaiba-kun to take a glass before reaching for the other one for myself. For some reason, I felt that I could not initiate an action. It was weird, and a little annoying. I mean, it was not as if Kaiba-kun would forget my existence if I did not take any actions. I was only right in front of his face.

We sat in silence. It felt strange that I should be here, in this room with Kaiba-kun alone, even if it were for the purpose of schoolwork. I just could not let go of what happened. It was all still fresh in my head, stuck there, consuming.

"Mokuba was very happy that you were coming over today," he said quietly.

"Really?" That was the only reply that I could think of. "I'm sorry for slapping you," I added rather absentmindedly. The subject had been boiling on my mind the entire night before and I had reached the conclusion that apologies would be nice. He did not reply, however, he just sat staring at the computer screen in silence. I did not pursue the subject, lest this peace that we somehow gained be ruined.

However, the silence was far more comfortable than the previous ones. I almost felt that we fully reconciled. Something was fixed, or at least that was how I felt.

"We need to start back on the project," he resumed what we had left off. He was so direct. He never asked questions, never seemed lost and confused; he only gave commands that I decided would be best to follow.

"Right," I agreed. For some reason, I was gaining a much more positive attitude than when I stepped in this afternoon. A weight was lifted off my chest and feelings of nervousness were slowly fading with time.

* * *

We began outlining the project when the smell of food reached us, somehow. I looked at my watch, which read six in the evening. I had been over at Kaiba-kun's house for five hours, and it had not disturbed me one bit. That was a bit amusing.

I followed Kaiba-kun downstairs to find Mokuba-kun in the kitchen, finishing some sukiyaki and rice.

"Hi!" He smiled when he noticed us. "Sorry I can't cook anything fancy."

"I guess I should go now, since it's getting late." I did not come with anything, so had nothing to retrieve. However, I still needed someone to let me out and I did not want to intrude on a family dinner.

Mokuba-kun shot Kaiba-kun a look.

"You can stay for dinner," Kaiba-kun responded to that look.

I shook my head, "I don't want to be a bother."

"Bakura-kun," Mokuba-kun drew out my name in a whining tone, "I never get to see you. I thought we were friends."

I will now note that Mokuba-kun has a very convincing sad look, even when it was feigned and you could just see the triumphant smirk lingering under the surface as your will caved in. The child was so scheming, though one would not think so with just a look. I had the odd feeling that he would do well in business.

"Fine." The triumphant smirk came to his face and I felt that I was beat.

So that night, I had dinner with the Kaiba brothers. It was a private affair without servants or Yuugi-tachi. It surprised me that I could stand being there for so long, especially after I had realized just how long I had been there. It felt as if the Kyoto thing happened, but nothing bad had occurred. I smiled and laughed when Mokuba-kun talked and spoke with regularity.

Kaiba-kun was mostly silent. I wondered if he felt uncomfortable that I was still around. I wondered if I should have been there. I was feeling opposite things from each side. On one side, Mokuba-kun kept bringing me into conversation, outwardly enjoying my presence, which gave me a sense of belonging.

I felt warm.

On the other side, Kaiba-kun was silently watching. Why did I like him, again? Oh, right, because he really was a warm person. It was just so hard to see. I did something horrible and wondered what I would have to do to see that person again, just out of curiosity. Like the little girl, Pandora, I went against all warnings and opened that box—that thought: 'how could I see him again?' Last time, things happened, desperately unhappy things. This time, what would occur?

It seemed that I did not learn too easily from past mistakes.

I wanted to push the thoughts of possibly seeing that side of Kaiba-kun that I liked away from me. I was attached, however, to that face, to those words that he said to me. He had me trapped, a spell woven around me to delicately that I could not detect it until I was past the point of no return. Something that Kaiba-kun did to me in Kyoto, that city of superstition and magic, stayed with me so that I needed to see him. He really was my addiction. Even if I realized that it was wrong, even if my mind could yell at me and say that he did something bad to me, my heart would not care. My heart was hurting.

I could not forget him.

Too bad I could not realize this is in such pretty diction at that time, all written out as such. I just knew that something was tugging at me, making me think. I did not want to spend the brain power needed to sort out the thoughts that were bugging in my head. I did not even know that the buzzing thoughts related to the subject matter at hand.

"See, nii-sama, having people over once in a while isn't bad, is it?" Mokuba-kun grinned at his brother. I blushed and stared down at my mostly-empty plate. The food really was good. Mokuba-kun knew how to cook. Well, sukiyaki, at least. I had picked around some of the vegetables and mostly eaten the beef and rice. I was never too big a fan of broccoli.

"No," Kaiba-kun answered curtly. Mokuba-kun quirked his face into a mock-angry frown at his answer. I guess he had the leverage to except more of an answer from his brother than I did. I guessed that it was a good answer, though; it affirmed that I was not some cancer-causing tumor or something of the sort that was attached somewhere, like I thought that he may have seen me as.

But it did not make me think that Kaiba-kun would be hugging puppies or anything of the sort that anytime soon.

* * *

It was dark when we finished. It was definitely time for me to go home, though probably not past curfew. Mokuba-kun opened the front door for me and I stared out into the darkness. I could not even see the front gates. Then again, that may have been because there were trees in the way, but I desist. No one needed to know.

"Wow, it got late," Mokuba-kun pointed out as he switched the porch light on. A small radius was illuminated. Yes, yes it had gotten late.

"Well, I need to get home now." I stepped out onto the porch. I still needed someone to let me out the gate, though. I mean, if I really tried, I might have been able to scale it, but that was more in Yami Bakura's area of expertise.

That name still hurt to remember.

"I'll drive you." Kaiba-kun's smooth, deep voice shook me out of my darkening thoughts. For what end, however, was questionable.

"I don't want to impose—"

"It is not safe for you to walk out there by yourself," he cut me off mid-sentence with an articulate warning. For some reason, I could not say no, even if I really wanted to. He did bring up a good point—there were strange people out at night. But still, what made his voice so convincing?

"Thank you," I mumbled, I am sure barely loud enough for him to hear. A blush was coming to my face for the first time in days. Kaiba-kun was always the cause, for better or for worse. Which was it now?

He led me to his car. It was plush, of course. I felt a little uncomfortable in it, but then again, that was my general reaction around cars. In the past few days, I had ridden in more actual cars than I had in any other long amount of time. Perhaps not my entire life, but some long extension of time.

I was silent in thought most of the way home (I had to give some directions) until Kaiba-kun once again broke the silence.

"Are you alright?"

I nodded slightly.

"You look like you're remembering something painful."

Why were you talking to me all of a sudden? I felt my face getting flushed again. What, could he not talk to me in Mokuba-kun's presence? It was unnerving.

"Am I wrong?"

I shook my head. "I was just thinking about how normal everything seems now, after Yuugi-kun's other self left."

"I'm still not sure what to believe that was." What, weren't you absolutely sure that it was all fake? Kaiba-kun, the eternal skeptic. "What do you think all of it was?"

Perhaps a dream? "I'm sure it was whatever Yuugi-kun told you it was."

"I'm not asking what Yuugi-kun thought it was. I want to know what you thought it all was." The directness of it caught me off guard. Why did he want to know what I thought, anyway? Why did my opinion matter in this, now; it never seemed to do so before. Was it because I was the weak-willed Sennen Item holder that he happened to have cornered and alone?

Did he know that I liked him back then and was he trying to bully me because of it? I fancy not, but you never know. Some divine power seemed to hate me, so Kaiba-kun being granted with psychic powers seemed only a little farfetched.

But if he could get psychic powers, why could I not get a working gay-dar? Then I would know if I ever had a chance with anybody! Just for future reference. I still was not attracted to anybody else. I was still physically attracted to Kaiba-kun. But you never know what the future brings, unless you happen to be granted psychic powers by the stupid divine scriptwriter.

"I," I didn't really know what to say, "I think that it really was some strange power, some magic of sorts. I think that the piece of jewelry that my father gave me when I was a child really did contain the spirit of some ancient Egyptian tomb robber." And in saying that, I affirmed my belief that everything that happened since meeting Yuugi-tachi had been real.

"Why?" He interjected. Why was he interrogating me?

"Because I used to black out and when I woke up, somebody would be hurt. That happened up until that duel between Yuugi-kun and the pharaoh. Now I don't pass out and wake up after winning a duel. Now my life is normal." For the first time in about twelve or thirteen years. Time to turn the question. "What do you really think it all was? You can't say that you have no opinion on it, since you were involved with so much, whether you wanted to be or not."

He was silent. "I don't want to say that it was all real, that magic is real." He paused once again. "I have believed that science could explain anything since I was little, whether or not we had found the answers yet. Believing that magic existed would put a blemish on that belief."

"I'm not sure if any one belief can explain everything in the universe."

There was more silence. Kaiba-kun was opening up to me and it felt weird. I guess that once I really inserted myself into the conversation, it wasn't unwanted, but it was still odd. I had to learn that when it came to Kaiba-kun, normal logic could not explain anything. That was a little oxymoronic, remembering what we just talked about, but ah well. I didn't think that any human emotions could be explained like that, with logic.

Especially not these emotions that were resurfacing for some odd reason.

Something about the softened gaze of his eyes made my heart beat louder than normal. He did not seem so… well, he seemed like the human that I already established existed within him.

"What made thinking about that so painful?"

I sighed, feeling rather open myself. It was hurting, somewhere. "I just feel empty now, with the Sennen Ring gone. It doesn't matter if painful things happened because of it, it makes me feel… almost hollow." But that wasn't so bad now, at this moment, with Kaiba-kun's attention on me. It did not quite fill up the same space that Yami Bakura held, but another place near there. A place that, prior to meeting this softer side of Kaiba-kun, I had not known even existed.

Back at Duelist Kingdom, I did my share of verbally defending Jounouchi-kun's duelist abilities from Kaiba-kun. That was needed, seeing as the two liked to insult each other and Kaiba-kun really was the better one at doing such.

But also, just once, I got to protect Kaiba-kun's humanity from Jounouchi-kun. Kaiba-kun, of course, would not know about this, or he would probably think me more pathetic than he already does.

But if he thought I was pathetic, why was he talking to me so… closely?

It was after he dueled against Pegasus and lost. Honda-kun was saying that he owed Mokuba-kun his life because Mokuba-kun saved his during the Death-T thing, whatever that was. That happened before I met them. But Honda-kun was saying that Mokuba-kun had to be saved and Jounouchi-kun was making some sort of snide remark about Kaiba-kun and, for some reason, I felt that I needed to say something in Kaiba-kun's favor. Thinking back on it, it seemed odd. Did I really have any proof to think that Kaiba-kun was so human back then? No, I just knew that he was willing to die for his brother, so I inferred.

This way that I recall it makes it sound a lot more intimate than it really was. I was merely speculating at the time with the intention of defense, but I did not know, back then, that I really would find Kaiba-kun to be a warm person beneath it all. I did not know that I would like him in any way, let alone in a way that was higher than that of a friend.

But there still was no 'we.'

_But Ryou, he obviously doesn't mind your presence_, my mind kept whispering into my ear. _Maybe he does want some sort of relationship. Perhaps you can start as friends and get to know him better._

I will now note to whatever is telling me these things that it would be highly out of character for Kaiba-kun to want any sort of relationship with another human.

But then again, what was in character for Kaiba-kun? Did I not say myself that his real personality was a person that cared and gave off warmth? That would be the type of person who would talk to people.

I decided: Kaiba-kun was a paradox and whatever happened, happened. This tail-chase of a thought process was getting me tired and it was time to give up for the time being. I could wait until I had enough energy to think. Ah, and there was school tomorrow.

"Is this the complex?"

I looked outside and home looked back. I nodded to Kaiba-kun and opened the door. "Thank you for going out of your way to take me home." I bowed awkwardly as I stood up.

"Bakura-kun," Kaiba-kun's voice stopped me from closing the car door. I stared at him staring back at me with his blue eyes. "It was Mokuba's idea that, since you will probably be coming over often this week to work, you should have a key to let yourself in." He reached into a pocket and pulled out a key with a laminated card on the ring. He tossed it to me and I stared with a lost expression on my face.

"The card is for the front gate," Kaiba-kun explained in a slightly quickened manner. "Just swipe it through. The key itself is for the house."

My face turned hot. I knew that I had to be very red and I knew that Kaiba-kun had to be able to see it. How was he able to do this to me? I was becoming short of breath because my heartbeat was quickening tremendously.

What did he think of what he saw?

"T-thank you!" I stuttered, followed with another awkward bow. I reached out and closed the car door, but as it was closing, I saw something that seemed so impossible that I would wonder if my mind were not playing tricks on me if it weren't so deeply etched into my brain.

Kaiba-kun was smiling.

Unable and too afraid to stop my movements, I made a mad dash to the doors of the complex and stopped to juggle out my keys. My face will still red and Kaiba-kun's face was in my thoughts.

I looked back as I finally got the door opened and saw Kaiba-kun beginning his drive away. I ran up the stairwells quicker than I normally would have under nearly any other circumstance, opened my apartment door, flung myself inside, and shut the door. I let out a sigh as I walked, in the dark, to my room and set my keys down on my desk. I slipped my coat off in a slowing contemplation. My face was still red, but did not burn so deeply.

I fell back onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling for a few seconds before looking at the objects in my hand. I smiled as I affirmed to myself that Kaiba-kun did, indeed, give me keys to his house. Even if it was Mokuba-kun's idea, it did prove that he had enough trust in me to allow me access. The smile that I saw could not be feigned. I knew when smiles were feigned because I spent most years of my life doing it, so I knew that what Kaiba-kun showed to me, whether he had meant for me to see it or not, was real.

The smile, though smaller than one normally would do so, was bright and clear. It was the smile of someone who was not used to smiling when they were given an actual reason to do so. I myself felt like that more and more often as of late.

Perhaps there was an 'us?' In some weird, unclassified way?

We weren't officially friends. We were definitely not lovers. So what were we? I was fairly certain that we were something, some strange relation that fit in our unique situation.

I was euphoric. I may have actually been happy. I made Kaiba-kun smile and the thought made me do the same. This was a state of emotional bliss that I felt could not be torn down. Despite that I was usually afraid to be happy because of repercussions, I could not let this opportunity pass. I wanted to call someone, tell them, and I imagine that I acted like a schoolgirl who was asked out by her crush. That was, however, not what I was. I was just a boy who saw another side of someone. Despite that description, though, I felt so light, even deep, far down. The fight we had meant nothing. There were only good feelings.

I wondered if I should call Honda-kun and tell him that everything was alright. But then I decided against it, because moving or talking to someone else may ruin this mood.

Did I like Kaiba-kun, in the sense of romantics?

Yes, yes I did. Now, more than ever, I felt an attachment to that young man.

It was a wonder that this person, whom I would never speak to under normal circumstances, could make me feel so right. I actually wanted to go to school now to see him. The feelings that I his away since our last night in Kyoto came pouring back tenfold like a waterfall.

I wondered how he felt about me. I wondered if he told Mokuba-kun anything on the subject that I could weasel out of him.

I wondered, quite suddenly, what would happen if I told him how I felt.

I decided that I was not quite ready for that. That, if it ever happened, would be after time and only if he showed positive reactions to my being. I will remind myself, in order to give myself a reality check, that it was quite unlikely, because I was still a guy.

But just having a crush never really hurt, did it? So long as the feelings did not run too deep. That way, if something did go wrong, it would not hurt so much.

But you know what? Screw it! Tonight was far too good to place my average cynical thoughts into my head. My heart was beating like crazy.

_Oh kami-sama, I actually made him smile._

I could tell Kawakami-sensei! He seemed like he cared about what happened to me. Maybe we could get tea again. I could buy my own, then, rather than have him treat me. That would be nice, and I could ask him for advice. Maybe he had a working gay-dar and could tell me if I even had a chance.

No, no, that was hoping way too much and would probably be more than a little awkward for him.

But still, Kaiba-kun smiled.

I put the keys down with my other stuff and got dressed for bed. I made sure that my alarm was set early enough for a morning shower, a luxury that I could afford, since I lived within good walking distance of the school. I turned out the lights and curled under my ruffled covers. This place was familiar, my asylum. I usually detested having to venture out from its walls, but that was changing. I was beginning to feel more and more emotions, ones that I previously thought were impossible for me to feel. The walls were becoming just walls, but I did not really mind. I was opening up to the world and to experiences because of fleeting, light feelings of happiness and infatuation. It almost felt like some magician put me in a box and changed me into a completely different person. However, if there was a magician involved, it would be Kaiba-kun, and he claimed to not believe in magic.

Kaiba-kun was the magic phantom behind the pale mask, hiding his face from the world, daring me without really trying, or possibly even wanting to, to open up and feel.

* * *

"I… don't know what you all faced before… and I also don't know what Kaiba did to you… I remember when I first met him on this island… even his appearance gives people the feeling that he is unapproachable, proud, and selfish. However, if he can risk his life for Mokuba, that shows he's not all that bad." –Bakura Ryou (Duelist Kingdom, chapter 112, page 8, Janime translation)

* * *

Irk, my sleep schedule is so off… right now, my nights are alternating as: sleep, no sleep, sleep, no sleep…

Wow, that last bit with the key reminded me of Love Mode. Except, well, um… Ryou's house didn't burn down, Seto's not the owner of a gay date club, and… well, there are a lot of differences. (Love Mode is a great manga, by the way. M-rated, but damn sweet. I think you can still download it at sakura-crisis.)

I've become addicted to Live Journal. I am Chibi Wildwolf on there. I just joined the Seto/Ryou one. Heh.

Lately, I've felt rather reminiscent. Three years, three months, and three days ago (not kidding, and this was not planned), I posted Yami Ryuu, which still holds the biggest place in my heart out of all of my fanfics. This came up in a phone conversation with a friend of mine. Wow, that means that I posted the first chapter of this fic three months and three days ago. That's weird.

Anyone seen the Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert? Excellent Australian comedy starring Hugo Weaving, Terrance Stamp, and Guy Pearce as drag queen, transsexual, and drag queen, respectively. I just bought the DVD, which I was surprised that the store carried, since it would be considered international for me.

And I still don't know where this fic is going.


	9. Wired

**Feel**

* * *

I went into this feeling hyper. 

By hitting chapter nine, this is, officially, my longest fanfic.

**TheGodFish**: Don't worry, I'm writing. It just takes me a while to write anything because of short attention span. Thanks for the email, though!

**Incoherent**: There will be an ending, eventually. I just don't know what and when. I feel oddly spontaneous.

**OKAY! Advertisement time**: if you are reading this, it means that you are a fan of the coupling of Kaiba Seto and Bakura Ryou. Or, at least, I hope so. It would be great if people who are actively on the Internet would join the **Seto/Ryou livejournal community**, which seems kind of dead right now. You can register for a free livejournal account at the livejournal homepage and once you get into it, it's addictive. The address for the Seto/Ryou community is listed on my profile page. Join. We need life. You can post… fanfiction, fanart, icons, whatever! You can also just talk! The wonderful Relinquished, also an author on is the administrator. See, familiarity! (Damn it, I've never been good at persuasion.)

* * *

**Chapter 9**

**Wired**

* * *

Monday

I think I found out why I never started drinking very many sugary drinks. I was wired enough that morning to give Otogi-kun on coffee a run for his money.

"Bakura-kun, are you alright?" Yuugi-kun asked.

"Yeah, yeah," I nodded, my eyes drifting again to the door. I got to school early that day. I really was pathetic, I realized, but oh well.

"You haven't had coffee, have you?" Jounouchi-kun raised an eyebrow.

I shook my head, but gave no verbal reply.

"Have you started your English project?"

I nodded. Oh yeah, project. Now where was Kaiba-kun? Hey, I needed to ask him about the project, anyway. When would we meet next? After all, we did need to, did we not? It was a legal excuse to talk to him.

"What are you doing?"

"South Africa," I answered shortly and quickly.

"Have you met with Kaiba-kun outside of school?"

I nodded quickly.

I realized that I was, by nature, a lot more quiet and laid back than I was acting at the time, so of course my friends would be confused by a "me" that was so excitable. But that did not matter! Where was Kaiba-kun?

Ooh, look! There he was. I mustn't let him see me watching. I must wait until he sits down before I approach him.

I stood as he sat down and readied himself for first period. "I'll be right back, guys," I told Yuugi-tachi. I must have had an idiotic smile on my face because they looked like they thought I was crazy. Hah, maybe I was!

Why was I so euphoric? Ah, because I felt like a giggling schoolgirl, minus the skirt.

I walked straight up to his desk, something that I am sure that I would never have done before. "Kaiba-kun?" I asked. He looked up at me and I felt my body seize up a little. I was sure that I was blushing again. Did he have to have such breathtakingly blue eyes? I used to think that they were scary! "Um," I gathered my words, "when were we planning on meeting again?"

He partially turned in his seat, given him a much more open position. It was a position of familiarity. "I rescheduled most of my meetings for this week to other times. I do, however, still have a meeting this evening," _damn_, "so tomorrow."

"Ah, okay." I was beginning to screw up my words. "Thank you," I smiled as I turned to go back to my seat. I sat back down with a sigh. Psyching myself up to talk to him was not so hard, because I really did want to talk to him, but actually finding words was difficult. Maybe it was because I was the one starting the conversation. Perhaps, also, it was because we were in public.

But I still got to talk to him some, at least! Never mind that I sounded so terribly pathetic; they were my thoughts, after all!

I looked up and Yuugi-tachi was staring at me, each with his or her own expression. Yuugi-kun was confused. Jounouchi-kun, well, his gaze went straight to a glare in Kaiba-kun's direction. I once again wondered what their malfunction was. Anzu-chan looked as if she was trying to figure something out, and, accidentally picking up one of her manga one day, I got the odd feeling that she was a little too close to the truth for comfort. Honda-kun, though, made me feel guilty. His look told me that he knew something. He knew that I liked Kaiba-kun in the past, and now, with my recent giddy actions, could probably tell that those feelings were resurfacing.

"What?" I asked finally.

"Nothing." Yuugi-kun looked shrugged.

"You can actually talk to that jerk?" Jounouchi-kun, of course.

"Jounouchi…" Honda sighed.

"Are things going well with him?" Anzu-chan asked. I just nodded in reply.

The teacher came in and everyone sat in their seats. I was left staring at the pretty wall, thinking about South Africa, civil disobedience, and, ultimately, how handsome Kaiba-kun was when he smiled.

* * *

"Bakura-kun, are you alright?" 

It was gym class. I had no idea why they were still making us take gym at our ages, but that was the school system for you. The sport was basketball, something that I knew from past discussions that the guys liked and girls (most of all, Anzu-chan) hated.

It was a free play day, so I took the opportunity to sit and watch. Kaiba-kun was nowhere to be seen. As I noticed before, he did participate in gym, and he was quite good at whatever sport was placed before him. He looked cool when he played basketball or soccer or baseball… anything.

But now he wasn't here, so I got to watch Jounouchi-kun and Honda-kun tease Yuugi-kun about his height again. The latter was none too appreciative, of course.

I turned to Anzu-chan. "Yeah, I'm alright. It's not hot enough yet to start bothering me." I disliked gym. Aside from certain past incidents with a gym teacher concerning my hair and the fact that I am not athletic, I had a tendency to be heat susceptible, probably because I was pale. It worked somehow.

"I didn't mean about the heat," she corrected me. "I meant working with Kaiba-kun. I know you two got into a fight over Golden Week, so I was worried."

I shook my head. "That's no longer a concern."

She paused. "You seemed so happy when you were talking to him in homeroom."

I froze. "Did I?" Ah crap. "I didn't think there was anything special about the conversation, did you?" How many people were turning out to be psychic, or at least far more empathetic than I wanted them to be? She knew; she had to know.

"Not in the subject matter, no." There was an awkward silence. "Does he know that you like him?"

Pin-pon. You win the prize.

Why did I even try to hide it anymore? I mean, was I really that obvious? Sure, maybe I was school-girlishly giddy in homeroom, but that was one instance! For all anyone knew, I could have gotten my hands on drugs or alcohol.

She seemed to interpret my clenched-mouth, reddened-face silence. "You're not too obvious. Yuugi-kun doesn't know and Jounouchi-kun hasn't even guessed, but then again," she laughed, "Jounouchi-kun does have a tendency to not notice these things."

Yeah, that was true.

"None of the girls have mentioned it in their gossip. But Honda-kun knows something, doesn't he?"

"A bit." Not everything.

"I thought so. He was a little more concerned than he normally would have been. So," sudden change of tone, "does he know?"

"Does who know what?"

"Kaiba-kun! Who did you think we were talking about?"

Well, we were just discussing Honda-kun. Girls had the amazing ability to skip form subject to subject instantly, and even more miraculous was the ability of other females to know exactly what the new subject was. It seemed like a mental network, or possibly a psychic chat room. That would be odd.

I shook my head.

"You should tell him."

"No!" I blushed a little. "I don't want to ruin what sort of relationship we have, especially not during this English project. I was lucky enough to get partnered with someone who knows English."

"Yeah," she gave an annoyed sigh, "my partner doesn't remember a bit of English. I don't know how she's going to do well on her exit exams."

"I'm sorry."

"That's fine. So, when are you two meeting again?"

"Tomorrow. He said that he cleared his work schedule for the rest of the week, or something like that." No evening meetings. I guessed that he could still have them during school, like he sometimes did.

"Wow, that's not like Kaiba-kun one bit. He cleared his schedule to spend more time with you."

I almost fell over at the implications. "Well, our English grade does depend on it. I don't think it has anything to do with me at all."

She giggled. "Who knows what goes through that head of his? As far as I can tell, he's terrible at knowing how other people feel and good at purposely pissing people off. He's hard to figure—good luck with that."

"What?"

She just smiled.

"So," I bit my lower lip lightly, "how could you tell?" I really needed to fix whatever was blaring out like a neon light.

"It's easy if you know what to look for."

"And what is it that you look for?"

"Nuh-uh," she shook her index finger at me, "ancient fangirl secret."

I sighed. "I hate you all." I did not really mean it. I loved my friends in their own ways. I just would not mind a hint or a shove in the right direction every now and then.

Giddiness has receded.

"But what really got me, though," Anzu-chan continued, "was that Kaiba-kun stopped giving off his creepy vibes when you were with him."

The coach blew the whistle for us to go get changed. Anzu-chan ran off to the girls' locker room before I could gain enough mind to inquire anything, just recall a flash of memory of Kaiba-kun sitting before me in his desk, comfortable in posture.

"So what did you two talk about?" Yuugi-kun asked while we were changing.

"English project," I slipped my shoes on. "It seems that she has a partner that she doesn't like."

"Oh yeah, she told me about that."

The group rejoined and we walked to English together. It was almost time to go home and probably take a nap. I stopped to get some water before going into class. It felt good after the heat. Sighing to myself, I followed behind Yuugi-tachi when I finished.

"Bakura-kun," wow, I was popular today, "do you have any plans after school today?"

I turned to Kawakami-sensei. The bell to begin last period had not yet begun and most students were still milling around outside of the class. "I don't today, no."

"Do you want to go get tea again? I like talking to you."

I nodded. "Okay. That would be nice. But I'm paying for myself this time."

He smiled. "That's fine."

I found it really funny that the night before, I was almost mentally begging for him to ask for my company once again so that I could tell him everything. Was he psychic, or was this merely coincidence? Or did I just look so different from Saturday that something obviously must have happened on Sunday, and therefore, he must inquire?

I sat in my seat with a mental sigh. Looking around, I saw that both Yuugi-tachi and Kaiba-kun were in their desks already. Kaiba-kun was reading a book, of course. It was not the book that we had been reading, but another. But it was in English, so I did not feel like even trying to decipher it. My brain was not working on that level. Yeah, it was almost naptime.

But at least my partner knew English. I lucked out definitely on that. It was only a bonus that he was good looking and was nice, somewhere in there.

Still, it was a thick book. Did he not have anything better to do in school?

I guess Kawakami-sensei noticed his reading and came to look at it. This made Yuugi-tachi notice, of course. For some reason, a student's eye always follows the teacher.

"'_Paradise Lost_'?" Kawakami-sensei asked in nearly unaccented English. He and Kaiba-kun started holding a conversation in English, both with very little problem. The whole class was staring now.

"Oi, Bakura-kun!" Someone called to me. "Kaiba-kun's your partner for the project, right?"

"Lucky!"

I blushed a little and turned back around in my desk.

The bell rang and the desks quickly filled up. I sat with my eyes gazing out the window. I did not usually do that, but it just felt as if that was the only thing that I could do. My life was slipping in so many different directions ever since it became normal. Well, was this really normal? Normal was being alone, or at least, it used to be. Was this paradox of emotion and human relations really considered normal? The halves of my brain were arguing with each other—is that not considered insanity, or is it mere decision making?

According to psychology, there are three parts of human thoughts. The 'id' represented basic desire and raw need. The 'superego' was based on emotion and what was right or wrong. The 'ego' was a balance of the two, trying to stop the others from quarreling by coming up with a solution to satisfy need, but not trespass morals.

I wanted to tell Kaiba-kun that I liked him.

I felt that I should distance myself from him after this.

My compromise center said to stay friends and possibly skirt around the subject of liking if it came up, but not to let him under my skin, in case a negative ending should occur.

Now I wanted to know why the hell I thought psychology was an interesting hobby.

"Bakura-kun," Kawakami-sensei called me towards the end of class, "can you read from line four-hundred and twenty-three?"

I was thankful that he told me the line, at least. Otherwise, I would have been lost. I stared down at the book that was open before me with the long poem covering an expanse of pages. We had been reading the last excerpt of the poem all class period. I began to speak in accented English.

"'_I sat upon the shore fishing, with the arid plain behind me. Shall I at least set my lands in order? London Bridge is falling down falling down falling down_'. " Kami-sama, that was a mouthful!

"Good, Bakura-kun, you may sit down now."

I did so in great relief. Ah, that was a little difficult. And I realized that my English understanding must really have been horrible, because I understood close to nothing of what I just said.

"Okay class," Kawakami-sensei continued, "do not mind if you cannot understand the next few lines. Eliot had a tendency to throw lines in from other languages throughout this poem, though mostly in the sections that we skipped." He paused. "Kaiba-kun, care to give it a shot?"

Kaiba-kun stood, looking displeased. He was probably regretting whatever conversation that he and sensei had earlier. But now the whole class was staring at him. I, however, had no doubt that he probably knew every language in the world.

He cleared his throat. "'_Poi s'ascose nel foco che gli affina; quando fiam uti chelidon – O swallow swallow; Le Prince d'Aquitaine a la tour aboile; these fragments I have shored against my ruins; why then Ile fit you. Hieronymo's mad againe. Datta. Dayadhvam. Damyata. Shantih shantih shantih_'."

There was silence in the room. If any other student had accomplished that, even with Kaiba-kun's slight accent (seems he did not know whatever language that was as well as English), there would have been half-hearted applause, at least. However, I wondered just how many were surprised, deep inside, that he could do that.

I realized that Kaiba-kun was still so much of a mystery to me. He knew so many things that I would never know in my lifetime.

And there were so many things about him that I wanted to know.

"Thank you, Kaiba-kun. You may sit down, now."

He did so, face showing no emotion. I wanted to know what he was feeling. I was curious.

The bell rang and the students rose quickly, snapped out of what reverie they had. I joined with Yuugi-tachi.

"So Kaiba-kun knows English and French?" Anzu-chan wondered.

"That's what that was?" Honda-kun asked.

"I thought that it was a whole bunch of gibberish." Thank you to Jounouchi-kun for that wonderful insight.

"I'll be back after I get my things," I told Kawakami-sensei as we passed. He just smiled back.

I went to my shoe locker and switched my school shoes for my normal ones. I also took the workbooks that I stashed in there, rather than carry them all day, and put them in my bag for homework.

"Hey, I'll see you guys tomorrow," I waved goodbye to Yuugi-tachi and went back into the school. Kawakami-sensei was just locking his room as I made it back.

"Let's go," he grinned impishly. I had to smile as well.

We got into the car and I right away asked a question that had been bugging me. "What did you and Kaiba-kun talk about earlier?"

"Why are you so interested?" He gave me a teasing smirk.

"No reason," I turned away so that he would not see my blush. "I was just curious, since it was all in English."

"Well, I asked if he was very good at English, which he proved very well. I asked if he liked that book, since I read it during college. He said that he did, though it was a difficult read. I asked if he read Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy, to which he answered that he did not. I recommended it and asked if he read world literature often. He answered that he read a lot of things from Europe, and after a little more prodding, he said that he often did so in their original languages, though with a dictionary on hand." He gave a thoughtful frown. "You see, Kaiba-kun always answers shortly and straight to the point, unless the point is about his personal life, and then he answers shortly, but dances around the subject. I spent years and years learning to prod at stoic people, but it's a valuable art."

I giggled. I wondered if this was what it felt like to have an older brother. He was giving me lessons based on his own life experience, which I supposed that a father or older sibling would do, but seeing as my father was never around and I had no older siblings, this was what I had to learn from.

It really was sad to think that the only prominent adult figure in my life I only saw every few months. No wonder I grew up so screwed up.

"Sensei, why are you really acting so nice to me?"

He sighed, not taking his eyes off the road, even while we were at a stoplight. "When I came out to my family, they did accept that I was gay, but we became distanced. It never verbally happened, but we just fell apart. I had a younger brother that was eight years younger than me—about your age. He was twelve when I stopped talking to my family, so I never got to be there to help him grow up. I don't mean to call you a replacement, though. I really do like talking to you. I guess I just feel bad because I never got to play the big brother. And since you seem like you need someone older to talk to, I decided to take the chance. I knew from your previous essays that you were a good kid, so what the hell, why not?"

"It's okay," I answered, "I really don't have anyone in my life to talk to."

"Friends?"

"Close, but not experienced enough in life for me to ask advice of." I felt bad saying that, but I probably was the one of Yuugi-tachi that lived through the most experiences. I mean, sure Jounouchi-kun went through a divorce and had a drunken father, but still. I had divorced parents, a dead sister, and I was never able to have friends before high school.

Oh my God, I really am screwed up.

"Parents?"

I shook my head. "Divorced, Mom never wants to see me again, and Dad's away all the time. I live alone."

He frowned. "Damn. No wonder you and Kaiba-kun attract one another."

"What?"

He parked the car in front of the café, but did not answer.

"Sensei?" Why would he not answer?

"Come on, Bakura-kun!" He led me inside, ignoring my glares to the back of his head. Ah, he was getting on my nerves, laughing and giving subtle clues to something that I did not know.

I almost ran into him as he paused.

"Eh? Sensei?"

He had a smirk on his face. I followed his gaze to a black-haired man that was sitting at a table. He was wearing sunglasses and just staring off somewhere. "Ah, Kira's here."

It did not help my confusing when the man looked up at sensei, smiled, got up, and approached. Sensei walked towards him as well and they met in the middle with an embrace.

_Oh, that's who it is._ I thought to myself, realizing that the man had to be sensei's boyfriend. At least, I hoped, since they were hugging.

"Kotaichi, what are you doing here?"

"I just finished work and decided to have tea with a student." Kawakami-sensei indicated me to the man. "Kira, this is Bakura Ryou-kun. Bakura-kun, this is Tanaka Kira."

"_Yoroshiku douzo_," I bowed. "_Hajimemashite_."

"_Yoroshiku_," he gave a semi-bow.

"Well, should we get a table?"

"Ah, I have to go," Tanaka-san said apologetically, "I was supposed to be back at work five minutes ago."

"Idiot."

"I love you, too." He gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be home in time for dinner. Later, Kota."

The two of us sat at the table that Tanaka-san was sitting at when we arrived. I felt awkward, very awkward, as if I should not have seen that.

"He's a bit of an idiot," sensei explained, "but affectionate. He works at the magazine publisher down the street." He had a soft smile to his face and his eyes were seeming to glow with happiness. I was almost jealous of his happiness. "So," he said suddenly, "drinks. Tea, again?"

"I told you that I would pay on my own."

"But I have a job. Wait here, okay?" He stood up and walked off before I could get another word in. I pouted a bit before my thoughts wandered again.

I wondered if Kaiba-kun and I could ever be like that. It was far too difficult to imagine. For one, Kaiba-kun had a tendency not to show emotion in public, let alone affection. For another, Kaiba-kun and I had no official relationship. Whatever we were, it just felt temporary. Sure, in the moment of things, it felt right, but looking at it from this outward view, I wondered how long it could last.

How long did he mean for any connection between us to last?

Kawakami-sensei sat a cup down in front of my face. I could tell from the first instant that it was not tea. I looked up at him with a puzzled expression.

"It's mocha. Try it, but watch it, it's hot."

I stared at the condensed liquid, trying to figure exactly what it was. I had never had anything even related to coffee before and now here some was, sitting before me. Otogi-kun told me that coffee was a gift from God, but sometimes, I had a hard time believing him.

I took a small sip and felt my head reel. It felt so weird! It was not so much the heat, but the flavor.

"It's a white chocolate mocha."

It made me shudder, but in a good way. The aftertaste wasn't bad, either.

I took another sip. Damn it, this was good.

"And right before my eyes, I think I just created another coffee addict."

I shook my head. "No, no, it's not that." I paused. "What did you mean, earlier?"

"By what?"

"When you said that Kaiba-kun and I attract each other." I mean, hell yes, I was attracted to him, but what did my history have to do with it? And why was it 'each other'? Had sensei and Anzu-chan been talking in the psychic chat room with Honda-kun and Courtney-san? That would be terrifying, especially if Kaiba-kun joined in that conversation—no, let us not think of that.

Or was I just being so incredibly stupid that I was missing something?

I did not want to think what that would mean if I was missing something, some key evidence as to what sort of relationship Kaiba-kun and I had. That would be horribly ironic, especially if this evidence was being flaunted in the open and neither of us knew.

Was there some possibility that Kaiba-kun and I could get together and be happy? No, I highly doubted it. We were just too different.

And yet, the same sort of childhood experiences fueled our beings.

"Well, it's obvious that Kaiba-kun is comfortable around you." What makes you think that? "You both have a sense of loneliness about you, and since I am fairly sure that both of you are human, that means that, really, neither of you want to be lonely. However, the personalities also have to be compatible. When I approached him to speak to him today, he gave off this creepy vibe that made me want to go sit at my desk, read, and pretend that I did not exist, and that kind of thing usually doesn't bother me." He frowned in a childish way. "Kaiba-kun likes you more than he likes me."

"Why do you think that?" I was just confused. Kyoto was coming back to me, and how scared I was. How angry I was, as well.

"He watches you, you know."

Wait a second. "What?"

"Sometimes he watches you. Like in the middle of my lectures. I don't think that even he knows that he does it, though. This started a little before you guys went to Kyoto. It made me immensely curious as to why Kaiba-kun showed any interest in anyone, especially after you came back from the same trip with a busted lip." Oh yeah, that was still healing. "On a slight tangent, how has your project been going?"

"We've outlined it and may have a working thesis statement."

"That's good," he nodded, "and probably further than Jounouchi-kun's gotten."

I laughed. I did not doubt that one bit.

"So I guess that it's good that I," he stopped abruptly.

"Hm? It's a good thing that you, what?" I was having some sort of suspicion. Had we not ever talked like this, I would not have had the gall to have the said suspicions, but now, if what I thought was true, it would not surprise me.

"Um," he grinned nervously, "I fixed the ladder game so that you and Kaiba-kun would be partnered."

What? "You _what_?" How could you fix a ladder game? I had a hard enough time understanding how it worked! And how would you do that to me?

"I was curious!

"Sensei, you…!"

"But, Bakura-kun…" he widened his eyes in fake pity-seeking, "I thought that it would have a positive effect on both of your social lives, and as a teacher, I must do anything and everything in my power to help my students. Plus, I was right. It has done you good. Don't complain. I'm older than you. You should respect your elders."

_You don't act like it sometimes._

I picked up my coffee, which had been since cooling, and drank it down.

"Oi, Bakura-kun, I don't think you're quite supposed to do that."

Wow… my brain felt funny. I set the cup down and stared at Kawakami-sensei with what I later imagined was a dumb look on my face. Coffee. Wow. Caffeine. Like.

"Okay, I think it's time for us to get you home."

I nodded. I was not used to having any discernible amount of caffeine, and now it was being pumped into my system. It was… like how some people described a drug trip. I felt wired. Like this morning! Wow!

By the time we got to my apartment complex, I was noticing every little noise. I was trying not to let it show, but sensei was staring at me with worry.

"Maybe I should have left you with tea."

I shook my head. "No, no, it's okay. That mocha thing was good. Yeah." I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out. "See you tomorrow, sensei!" Ooh, yeah, I get to go to Kaiba-kun's house tomorrow. Score!

My fingers were twitchy. It was weird.

Was my apartment always so quiet? It was strange. Were the walls always so white? Maybe I should go to Yuugi-kun's place and tell him about coffee. Was this how Otogi-kun acted? Oh God, caffeine had a weird effect on me.

So… Kaiba-kun. What about Kaiba-kun? I had a project with him. He was hot. He had a pretty smile. He acted all mean and stuff, but was nice on the inside. He was a skeptic. Summary of his personality, right there!

I felt like telling him how I felt about him. I had to exercise actual control so that I would not pick up the phone and dial. Did I even have his number? There was some strange, foolish confidence about me.

Damn you, sensei. You and your wonderfully addictive white chocolate mocha.

Aiya, what was wrong with me?

* * *

None of the literature mentioned in this has any real meaning to the story. Even the Civil Disobedience thing came just because it was a short story/long essay, and then I remembered the project we did and saw opportunity. The thing they read aloud was the Wasteland by T.S. Eliot. "Paradise Lost" by Milton is just what I happen to be reading over the summer. 

Would anyone be horribly surprised if Seto knew at least some French? I wouldn't be. But then again, I worship him, so maybe it's just me.

And yeah, Tanaka Kira's name is based on another one of the four hitokiri. If I knew the kanji to the hitokiri's name, I could use different kanji for my character, but I'm not doing that again. I have two other people, but ah well.

White chocolate mocha—the first thing coffee-related that I ever drank a few months ago in an ice-skating rink. It was a get-together with a whole bunch of orchestra kids and the pretty band nerd/prom king that shows up everywhere. I like white chocolate mocha. It's good. And how Ryou was acting was how I acted. (Ah, I can't believe Ka-chan and I actually acted like that…) It's how I'm acting as I type this. Except I've only had iced tea, which is notorious for making me hyperactive. Yay! Happy Chibi dance!


	10. Love

**Feel

* * *

**

I want Yugioh GX. It's coming to WB in September. Give me GX. I want Manjyoume and Ryou (different Ryou) and Yuuki and Sho and Daitokuchi-sensei and Seto with his 2-minute-or-whatever guest appearance. And Yuugi and his 30-second guest appearance.

I'm not crazy. It just feels entirely too weird to actually get this far on a fic, or any piece of writing. Wow. And people actually still read it!

And I will keep bugging you people to get a livejournal account and **JOIN THE SETO/RYOU COMMUNITY**. The Net address is in my bio.

**Necropolis Demon**: Fluff? --innocent face-- What's that? Is it tasty?

Unfortunately, I don't think this will continue much longer. I'm trying to think of what will happen in the end, and I have a general idea… the only thing is: how much semi-believable stuff can I shove between now and then?

Mm, later, there will be some pronunciation notes written in parenthesis. Those are notes from me to you, not actually in the dialogue.

This chapter, seriously, is brain vomit.

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Love

* * *

**

_Dear notebook that I am now calling a journal of sorts so that I can sort out the various events going on in my life,_

_This week has passed rather quickly.

* * *

_

Tuesday, May 10th

_Today, I went to Kaiba-kun's house to work on an English project. Since I guess you aren't psychic and don't know how Kaiba-kun is, I'll tell you. He's the guy I like. But there's a long story back there, and I don't feel like writing it all down._

_He gave me a key to his house on Sunday. I still almost don't believe it. Today was the first day I had to use it.

* * *

_

I stood in front of Kaiba-kun's house. He was already home, I assumed. I had the key that he gave me. I held it in my hand and blushed lightly. My mocha-high was over and I was back to being contemplative, quiet me. The funny thing was, Kawakami-sensei actually apologized earlier for giving me coffee. Then I had to explain it to Yuugi-tachi, who found it hilarious. Hah, glad I entertained them.

But there I was, staring at the key slot as if it would jump out and eat me if I touched it. Why was I doing this? Yeah, project. And I could see Kaiba-kun and Mokuba-kun. I just had to get this gate open. It felt very difficult, almost as if I did not want to admit that I could open it up.

_Come on, you just swipe the card through._

I set the card at the top of the slot and held it there. Would it really work? My mind had no doubt, but some pessimistic part of me questioned.

_No, of course it will work. After all, we have to finish this project._

_Ah, come on, you idiot!_

I tugged the card through the slot in some sort of personal defiance. A green light blipped up and the gate unlocked. As if I were a child going to a haunted mansion, I slid the gate open just enough to allow my body to slip through. Hurriedly, but as quietly as I could, I closed the gate.

Time for the trip up to the front door. It was not my first time unaccompanied, but my first time to actually have a key in my hand and to be able to enter on my own.

The key fit into the lock. I turned it and heard the lock click. It felt almost like I was opening some unknown treasure.

"_You look like you're remembering something painful."_

_Should I really open the door?_ The thought bit at me.

"_I want to know what you thought…"_

I did not know what to do.

"…_you should have a key to let yourself in."_

I opened the door.

_Kaiba-kun was smiling._

"Hello?" I asked as I stepped into the entrance hall. I closed the door lightly behind me, though kept my hand on the knob, just to give myself a sense of security. After all, if some attack animal or anti-white-haired girly boy security system should go off, I felt that I should give myself every possible chance to escape. "Kaiba-kun? Mokuba-kun? It's Bakura Ryou."

I heard steps coming down the stairs. There were a few moments before Kaiba-kun appeared before me, no longer in school uniform, but in a black turtleneck shirt and dark jeans, both casually tight.

That was not my nose bleeding, was it? No, no.

"Bakura-kun," he greeted.

"Good afternoon," I smiled in reply. I suddenly felt very out of place in my school uniform, but there was nothing that I could do about that.

"Let's get to work."

* * *

_Yeah, he's so… cool. And he does not glare at me when I smile at him._

_He gives me reasons to smile.

* * *

_

Wednesday, May 11th

_I asked Kaiba-kun an awkward question today. It had to do with the English language, which is one of the banes of my existence. Ah, let's not get me started.

* * *

_

"Kaiba-kun, how difficult is it to really learn English?"

He seemed confused that I would ask such a question. That was a new emotion for him to show me: confusion. Usually, I was the confused one, showing all vulnerability. But now, I seemed to surprise him.

"I learned it at a young age, so it was probably easier than it would be for someone of our current ages." He did not answer my question, something that the last week or so taught me to deal with. Not just from him, from everyone.

"Plus," I added, "you're a genius."

"You are not stupid."

Ever since I first set foot in this house, Kaiba-kun acted different. Hell, even before then, he acted like this sometimes, namely Kyoto. He would become strangely conversational when we were alone. It was gradual, but he would carry on conversations that I started, give positive input, and say little things like that, which made me feel so much more optimistic about myself.

It was gradual, but I was beginning to feel more and more comfortable around him and was able to start the aforementioned conversations.

I blushed, but did not answer.

Our paper was half written. We would collaborate on what to write, and he would translate it with an ease that I was jealous of. He seemed to do everything with ease. He was speaking to me easier, opening up, talking, and showing different emotions to me as they came, one by one. Why did he choose me to show them to?

It was gradual, but my heart was starting to feel heavier and heavier with something.

"Do you think that you can help me?"

I did not want our contact to end after this project ended. The idea made my stomach nauseous with a panicky feeling.

"What do you need help on?"

"Well," mostly everything I could get help on, "pronunciation. That word used to indicate nouns, 'the,' for example." When writing English book titles or whatnot in katakana, the word 'the' would be written with the symbol for the sound, 'za' (pronounced: z-ah). That was how we were taught to pronounce it as well.

"Pronunciation comes with practice."

I knew that, really. I just wanted to know if there were any shortcuts.

"Try this," he continued after a few moments. "Put the tip of your tongue out and let the front of your top row of teeth touch the rest of it." I did so. I felt very, very stupid. "Now try saying, 'ze' (pronounced z-eh)."

I came out with some guttural sound. There was a vibration on my tongue when I did it that was different from all of the sounds that came with the Japanese language. It tickled.

I started laughing and lost my mouth position. "A-are you sure that works?" I was turning red along with my laughter.

"It's a start," his face was soft. It made me smile, though that was hidden within the laughs that I was trying to control. "Once you get that down, try to replace the 'e' (pronounced 'eh') sound with an 'i' (pronounced 'ee') sound. It will be more difficult, though."

I went and tried it instantly. The result made me laugh harder until my eyes watered. It was certainly an unconventional method of teaching! I was not about to ask about how to make the 'l' sound, though!

My sides were starting to hurt and I felt so ridiculous. But that was just fine.

I looked at Kaiba-kun. He was covering his mouth with one hand and his shoulders were shaking. Oh God, was he laughing? He knew that I saw him laughing, too, and my face reddened, but I continued to laugh. He really looked as if he did not know what to do with himself, so he laughed. I could hear it, now. It was unsure, quiet, but still there.

"Th-eh," I tried again, but was interrupted with another burst of laughter. It was dying down, but still felt so good. My sides were hurting, but not in a bad way.

I looked at Kaiba-kun with a smile and a blush and he was looking at me with a smile in return. It just… it felt so right. We were two teenagers, and it felt so severely like we were just two friends who shared a joke that I almost believed that we did know each other quite well.

But no, reality struck, we were teenagers, but not really friends. We laughed at the same thing, but I would probably never see it again.

I got him to laugh.

It did not make my stomach feel as jittery as when he smiled at me. It just gave me some sense of relief, some feeling of fulfillment. I was happy that he laughed. It was not euphoria, but some real happiness. It was something that I was growing more and more accustomed to feeling.

I wanted to stay in this place, not an asylum, but some sort of sanctuary.

* * *

_Nonetheless, I felt very stupid doing that exercise. Or, at least now I do. When I was with Kaiba-kun, it was alright._

_I got him to laugh. That… I do not know how to react to that._

_I think I should go practice some more.

* * *

_

Thursday, May 12th

_Thursday was not anything special, really. I went to school, went to Kaiba-kun's house, stayed for dinner again, and then came home to sleep._

_I did run into a few embarrassing things at school.

* * *

_

"Theh." I spat it off of my tongue. It was before first period and Yuugi-tachi was staring at me again, something that they had grown accustomed to doing.

"Bakura-kun, what are you doing?"

"Practicing English."

That got some looks. They knew that I hated the English language with a fiery passion. I still did, by the way, because whoever created the language that eventually evolved into the modern language was crazy, but it now had some redeeming qualities. Just not enough to make me really like the language.

I almost had what I deemed 'Step One' down. I spent a good part of last night trying it. After I could say it smoothly, I would add the 'i' sound.

"Theh."

Kaiba-kun came in and I blushed. The image of his laugh came with him.

"What made you so interested in practicing English?"

I shrugged. "I just thought that it might be good to be able to pronounce a lot of it. I mean, a lot of Japanese dealings are with America." That was not a real answer from me. They knew that I did not care the least bit about international business.

"Who taught you how to do that?"

My eyes widened a little. "Um…" crap. "Kaiba-kun."

"Really?"

I nodded. Ah, I felt so embarrassed. Anzu-chan and Honda-kun knew things, and I felt that it was only a matter of time before the other two did as well. And since Jounouchi-kun had a bad habit of not keeping his mouth closed, the entire class would know by the end of the same day, and that would include Kaiba-kun. He did not need to know how I felt about him.

Though, what I had felt back then, when all of this first started in Kyoto, felt like almost nothing compared to the magnitude of swirling emotions that plagued me now. I started by being physically attracted, then I liked him, then I really liked him, and now… it was some new, uncharted level, but what exactly, I did not know. It just felt so deep and dark that I was almost afraid of exploring it, but the idea of being without it hurt.

What was it?

My heart was beating, it felt, differently than it normally did. It was not the speed of the beats that was different, but that it was pounding. It was not the volume that made pounding, but the depth. My heart felt as if it were reaching further and further with each beat. Things were happening to me, and they confused me.

I had a thought of what this was. There was just the slightest notion in my mind of what caused this pain, this shortness of breath, but it was too impossible.

Though, looking at the turns of current events, hardly anything seemed impossible. Yes, this included physic powers and my gay-dar. The only thing that actually popped up in my mind as 'impossible' was Jounouchi-kun becoming quiet and studious and Kaiba-kun reciprocating what I felt. It may sound dangerously cynical, but that was how I felt. The chances of Kaiba-kun returning my feelings seemed like absolute zero. I mean, sure, I was closer to him than the others. I was actually able to admit that to myself, at least, but look at it from perspective. The chances of Kaiba-kun being gay were very slim, let alone him liking me.

But we were still… close. How did that happen? He himself told me that he did not trust people enough to let them close to him, but somehow, we were. Somehow, I…

There was that unnamed emotion again. I did not know what to call it.

Whatever you call it, it was changing my perspective on everything.

* * *

_He makes my heart hurt._

_Hey, did you know that my teacher may actually be a five-year-old? That is just what I think, though. He's a little weird.

* * *

_

Other than that, Thursday was mostly uneventful. Except, between the previously narrated segment and going to Kaiba-kun's house, I was stopped by Kawakami-sensei.

"Bakura-kun," he called me over in a whispered voice. I raised my eyebrow and went to him. His actions looked comical and almost exaggerated. He handed me a folded piece of paper. "Here, my advice on your current situation."

I unfolded the paper and stared. _Oh my—what the hell is this?_

There was… a stick figure with outlined hair that, I supposed, looked like it may have represented me. Next to it was very messy kanji with an arrow pointing to the stick figure of me. It said, 'Tell Kaiba-kun you like him!'

Did I mention that it was drawn in crayon?

"What the," my voice trailed off. I looked from the paper to sensei, who was blushing.

"I was bored," he answered, as if that was a reason. _Are you really over twenty?_ He had a really happy childlike grin on his face. "See? That's the only way to resolve everything!"

Sometimes I wondered about the people that this school hired.

* * *

I said that Thursday was mostly uneventful in my journal, but that was the night that the dreams started. I was a little surprised that I had not started to dream about Kaiba-kun earlier, since he occupied most of my thoughts as of late, but I desist.

In my dreams, he was kissing me, touching me. I could almost feel his hands on my hips, drawing me closer, warmer, traveling up and down my back. Kisses ranging from butterfly-light to almost painfully rough left hot breath all over my face and neck. I knew that it was wrong, that I had to stop it, but I could not. I would not. My heart was pounding and I could feel my body heating up. He was doing all sorts of things to me that made me want to cry out.

"K-Kaiba-kun," I choked out. I did not want to leave those arms. I wanted his blue eyes to stare at me forever, even if personal cynicism found the idea of forever childish.

"I love you."

* * *

_So, perhaps Thursday was rather eventful.

* * *

_

Friday, May 13th

…_Let us not talk about waking up Friday morning.

* * *

_

I woke up that morning horribly uncomfortable for entirely male reasons. I was very glad for my shower that morning.

I almost decided to skip school, but then I remembered that today was the last day that I would go to Kaiba-kun's house. I could not miss a day like this.

Our paper was finished, we (meaning just he) had to proofread it and print it.

The dream embarrassed me. My face was red and I felt ashamed. I knew that I would not be able to look him in the eyes.

"_I love you."_ One of us said that. I was not sure whether it was me or him. After all, it was just a dream. But those words made me think. Did I love him? Almost two weeks ago, I was denying that I liked him. A little less than that, I told myself quite clearly that I would not allow myself to love him. That was the compromise between head and heart, was it not?

It was smart to disallow my feelings to go that far. That way, when I was denied, whether by word or action, consciously or not, it would not hurt so much. But now… Fate was laughing mockingly at me.

Too much was coming at me at once. There was this emotion so profound it stabbed, and then there was this onslaught of… lust that burned.

I could not have fallen in love with him over the past week, could I? No, it was impossible.

But then again, what was impossible?

When I was with Kaiba-kun, it felt like anything was possible.

I pulled my jacket on and walked out the door, destined for school. It was warm outside, which I was glad of. I walked alone, as I normally did, but the thoughts still buzzed.

_Am I in love with him?_

Again, I was afraid of stewing over the thought so much that it became synthetically true. But I still felt the same emotion as before these thoughts; I just now had a catalyst that made me think about it.

If I loved him, I couldn't stop it. If I loved him, it snuck up on me. If I loved him, it happened eventually, growing slowly and unknown until it was too late to uproot.

If I loved him, why did it hurt to think about?

Once again, I was the first one in the class. That happened often enough. I set my bag down and sat heavily. I could not get those thoughts out of my head. Love. What was it about him? Was it his body, his grace, his voice? Was it his personality that he hid under the rude exterior? I wanted to bury myself and hide.

It did not help that he was the second one to walk into the classroom. That was highly unusual for him.

"Bakura-kun," his smooth voice shook my willpower, "would you like to ride to my place with me?"

I could not look at him in the eyes. I tried and blushed miserably. I remembered that dream. His hands… his eyes! I was ashamed of myself. How could I have that dream? I wanted to curl up and die.

"Bakura-kun," still, he persisted, "are you alright?"

My eyes shot up to his and I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine." _Liar, you're still blushing._ "I just did not get enough sleep last night." _Think, think, think!_ "As to answer your question," _no, walk!_ "I would be glad to ride with you." I forced a smile. _Idiot Ryou!_

He looked unconvinced. "Are you sure that there's nothing wrong with you?"

"Yeah," I laughed, "I just had a hard time sleeping last night."

He was silent for a few moments. I thought that he was going to leave to his desk. "Did something happen?"

Why was he asking so many questions?

I shook my head. "You worry too much." Kaiba-kun, worry about someone else? A year ago I would not have thought that possible. Hell, if you had told me that he could care for anyone besides himself and Mokuba-kun two-and-a-half weeks ago, I would have wondered what medication you forgot to take. If you would have told me that he would worry about me and that I would feel like this, I would have gone to the school counselor and had one of us committed to an institution.

He himself gave me a look that told me that he thought what I just said was improbable. But then again, he was the one who did it. He was the one that cared, for some odd, teasing reason.

Someone else entered the classroom and Kaiba-kun walked off without another word.

* * *

_Kaiba-kun is a strange person, at times. His duality is so severe that one would think that he had a split personality, and yet, of all people that I have met in my life, he has the strongest cling to reality. Sure, he was ready to commit suicide a little after I first met him at Duelist Kingdom, but that was because he knew that his life would be empty without Mokuba-kun. That was reality. He sets goals for himself that would normally seem impossible to fulfill, yes, and he has his aspirations, but because of his position, they are all within reach. He may switch between two seemingly different people, but they do have that in common—a strong bond with reality._

_Those are just my thoughts, though. I know that there is plenty about him that I will never know.

* * *

_

It was my last time to go to Kaiba-kun's place, to be a part of this intimate setting. After today, I would have no reason to return without an actual admittance from both of us that there was some sort of relationship, platonic or otherwise, between us.

Was there _something_, some sort of bond between us? I entertained the fancy that, maybe, there was something. I knew there was from my side, but his… his emotions were still so much of a mystery to me.

"Nii-sama!" Mokuba-kun burst into the room and stopped. "Ah, Bakura-kun's here? I thought you were done with the project."

"I need to proofread and print it," Kaiba-kun answered.

"That'll take all of five minutes," the younger rolled his eyes.

That was right—that was all that we needed to do. Then why did Kaiba-kun seem to make certain that I came today? Heck, he even drove me over! He's smart enough to know that this would not really need my presence.

Kaiba-kun still confused me.

"Well, anyways," Mokuba-kun continued, "I was going to ask if we could go out for ice cream. I have this weird craving for cold, sugar-related food."

"Is that any different from normal?" He paused, "don't we have any downstairs?"

"I ate the rest of it two days ago." He formed his face into that sad, pleading face of his. "We can bring Bakura-kun along! It can be like a date!"

The way he said it made it sound like an innocent outing between two brothers and a friend, if I had to be classified. However, knowing Mokuba-kun's mischievous impishness, his request was probably full of subtle innuendos. I knew I was right, too, because he grinned at my blush. Kami-sama, if even a kid could figure it out, then I was as transparent as glass. Clean glass, not smudged.

Kaiba-kun made a low sound that almost sounded like an annoyed sigh. He turned to me. "Do you want to go?"

"I don't wan to imp—"

"Let's go." Kaiba-kun set the computer to print. Wait, wasn't he going to proofread it?

"You didn't let me finish," I mumbled, mostly to myself. Since when did I become brave (or perhaps suicidal) enough to talk back to Kaiba-kun?

"You're not imposing," he answered simply.

"But," I started. Before I could say anything else, he placed a hand on my back and half-led, half-pushed me out of the room.

Oh… he was touching me so firmly. The action seemed as if it should have been petty, but he was touching me. It was such a simple action to deal with a balking person, but it made me feel… light.

He grabbed a jacket as we went. I had the brain power to notice that it was a normal black jacket and not one of his long coats. Imagine that. Well, he looked good in it!

I was compliant the entire trip to the ice cream place, which I seriously did not know existed. Then again, I never really ate much of the stuff. I settled for vanilla on a plain cone and wondered if I could get mocha to go with it. Sure, it would be strange to have a hot drink and cold food, but hey! It balanced, somehow.

I never really picture Kaiba-kun as a fan of strawberry. Then again, I never really pictured him eating ice cream, let alone in public, but hey. At least I could tell what he was eating. Mokuba-kun decided to try some weird 'new flavor' that was multicolored. He sat across from us, eating happily. Yes, he was sitting across from us, meaning that I was sharing a side with Kaiba-kun. I swear that Mokuba-kun planned this as well.

Well, at least that meant that he supported it! And younger siblings a lot of times get their ideals from the older ones; especially really close siblings, so maybe Kaiba-kun wouldn't mind? But then again, that was just my weird hope talking to me. Logic said that it would be natural for him to freak out (but only mentally, since he cannot openly show emotion) if I professed.

Good job Ryou, your self esteem just lowered again.

But here I was, eating ice cream with him and his brother on a Friday afternoon. And for some reason, it just felt right. I felt like I belonged there, right by his side.

By his side. That sounded odd. But it felt alright to think of. By his side.

It was too late to stop it now, was it not? I noticed, bit by bit along the way, but never stopped these feelings. I had already fallen in love with Kaiba-kun, it just took some time to realize. There was no denying myself that _did_ indeed I loved him. I smiled to myself and it went unnoticed. How could I be such a fool?

But I did not feel foolish. I just felt content.

* * *

_Love is an awkward thing, though. It makes me want to know more and more about him. I want to stay by his side for as long as I can. I want to be of some use to him, I know. I want to feel the same feeling that I had in that parlor for the rest of my life. I just want to feel.

* * *

_

Kaiba-kun did not need directions to my complex this time. He remembered things very well.

I did not expect him to put the car into park and get out with me. My heart was jumpy and hurting because of it. It hurt as he walked me to the doors of my complex.

"I'll have the print out tomorrow," he said quietly. I may have not known much about him, but I could tell that that was not what he wanted to talk about, not really. I needed strength to bring up the question, but last time I did that, there were horrible consequences. However, it was a necessary evil.

"Kaiba-kun," the name flowed off of my lips so easily. My heart was hurting so badly, "what are we?" Were we friends? Where we partners for a project? Were we something as farfetched as unrequited lovers?

Were we nothing?

I was surprised that I had the courage to look at him as I asked that. I was fairly timid by nature, I knew, but this was something that I had to do. I had to know if my love was for nothing. This was for all or nothing.

I felt like I wanted to cry, not out of sadness or frustration, merely out of the severity of the situation.

I stared into Kaiba-kun's eyes as he made eye contact with me and I felt my stomach become nervous. I knew what he was going to do before he did it, just from that look in his eyes, so I was not surprised as he leaned over and kissed me softly. It was so different than the first time. This time, it felt as if he was asking permission, rather than just acting on his own accord. I could feel his tongue gently enter my mouth as his hands traveled up my arms to grasp just below my shoulder. My own hands held the front of his jacket.

It felt almost desperate.

Then, slowly, he began to pull away, as if afraid of the consequences that would inevitably come once it ended. His hands left my arms languidly, as did mine from him. I had to smile nervously as I realized that it had been real; I could still taste that bit of strawberry and Kaiba-kun.

He lingered for a few more seconds. "Good night," he said quietly, finally, as he walked at a moderate pace back to his car. As he opened the door, he looked over at me once more. I was still smiling like an idiot and lost in the moment. He smiled back, softly, briefly, like the kiss itself, before removing himself from my view by getting into the car.

I sighed to myself and took out the keys to the complex doors. I felt so incredibly lightheaded. It was a good feeling.

Kaiba-kun did not drive off until the door closed behind me. I took my time walking up to my floor, enjoying the night air. I could hardly feel myself walking. I was floaty, like all of those girls in shoujo manga.

I closed the door of my apartment behind me and sighed. This kiss was so different from the last one. I felt so much come out of it. He never answered what it was that we were, but did I really need an answer anymore? Whatever we were, it was alright. The way he held me, the look in his eyes, the feel of him, they were all different from before.

Perhaps it was just my foolish hope, but I thought that, maybe, he meant it.

To summarize, today had been really good. My heart was beating firmly and I really was content with myself.

Insert small mental relapse here.

Oh crap, Mokuba-kun was in the car when we did that!

* * *

That pronunciation exercise? I actually sat there for half an hour, trying it. Don't lie, some of you tried it, too! (Actually, that was my favorite part to type of, like, the whole story.)

Oh my god, Kenjirou Tsuda has, like, the sexiest voice. He does Seto and a guy named Inui Sadaharu from Prince of Tennis. Because Prince of Tennis has 200+ songs, most of which are characters songs, ONE of Sadaharu's three songs has to have him actually singing. I love his voice. I want to marry him. He's thirty-four. So, in listening to the Tennis character sing, I got to hear Seto sing. Yeah, sexy voice, in my opinion. Love voice. Orgasm. Obsess. Drool. Yay. Must listen to again. Nosebleed. Sad song. Cry. Daijoubu Sada, Kaoru loves you! -runs off mumbling about Sadaharu, Seto, and Kenjirou Tsuda-

Feel the power of my scrambled brain the midst of several fandoms! Blargh!

Remember! **SETO/RYOU LIVEJOURNAL COMMUNITY!** Web address is in my bio. Join. It's free! We need life!

Federer won the Wimbledon finals! Wootness! And kudos to Roddick, we love him, too.

And I don't know whether or not I will be able to put the next chapter up before leaving on vacation. I may be able to break writers' block, and I may be able to work while driving, but those are maybes. I hope. Sorry!


	11. Elation

**Feel**

* * *

I think there will only be one more chapter after this. I might be able to dredge up two, but I doubt it.

FREE MEMBERSHIP! **SETO/RYOU LIVEJOURNAL COMMUNITY**! Web address on my bio. How can you dare resist!

**Shadowwaker**: Oh, I entirely mean to finish this story. It just won't be much longer. And the pronunciation thing just came from me sitting there and thinking, 'with Japanese pronunciation, how could someone learn to pronounce that?' It was also adapted from some of my speech therapy classes because, go figure, I used to have trouble speaking my own language.

**Bijoukaiba**: Really? There's a fanlisting opening? What's the URL? -Big Chibi eyes with tail wagging-

…this chapter is hard to write.

And I got to download Seikimatsu Darling OAV! Damn it, so happy.

Sorry this took so long. I was brain-dead most of the time, and in places with NO INTERNET. Or cell phone reception. It was a place where my mom, brother, and I were the only people who weren't Caucasian in the last place. But there were a couple of people around my brother and my ages there this year. Before, the only people near forty were my parents and everyone else would reminisce about the early 1900's. But there's a cute guy this year my age, so things look up a bit.

Ooh, watch out, Ryou says the word, 'crotch.' That might be a little too hardcore for some of you! (I'm being sarcastic)

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**Elation

* * *

**

Saturday, May 14th

I swear I almost skipped to school that day, except that would require a large amount of energy, so I suppose that it was not too difficult to stop myself from doing that.

I really did not get much sleep last night, so I was mostly running off of adrenaline and energy drink. I would probably nap during lunch or something. That was usually more of a Jounouchi-kun thing to do, but hey, I would need sleep later. I knew that my brain would shrivel and die around that time.

What would I say to Kaiba-kun today? Perhaps the best would be just to greet him and wait for him to start a conversation. After all, he was the one who did not like to show emotion in public.

I sat at my desk and pulled out some book. I was not really reading it, but I had an odd urge just to stare at the pages in wait. It was a fun way to pass the time. A few random words jumped out at me, but nothing significant.

He came in later that morning. Yuugi-tachi had already pulled me into a conversation and once again noticed that I was extremely happy and almost as hyper as Monday. It still was not as bad as the coffee afternoon, though.

Kaiba-kun came in. I made eye contact with him and smiled, though my adrenaline-rushed heart was giving me enough energy to run up and hug him. I would not do that, though. That would be stupid and possibly suicidal.

"I have our report," he told me in passing.

I nodded. "Thank you, Kaiba-kun."

Not too long ago, I would have thought this abruptness as contempt or something of the sort. But now I just saw that that was how he was—it was his public face. He hid any of the real emotions of his that would ever attract people from the world. Perhaps I would talk to him later. That seemed much more appealing that napping.

I knew that I would take that back, later, though.

* * *

While Yuugi-tachi left the classroom later that day to buy lunch, I curled my arms under my head and thought about sleep. I rarely ate lunch at school, something that all of Yuugi-tachi told me was not good for my health. But I was almost never hungry at school, so meh. Yes, meh.

I felt a hand land on my head. "Bakura-kun," Kaiba-kun's voice made me lift my head, "I want to talk to you."

I sat up. His touch was making me blush. I probably looked incredibly stupid, but that was beside the point. "Yes, Kaiba-kun?" That was all I could muster as vocabulary. Who needs eloquence? Kaiba-kun had enough for the two of us, what with his multilingual abilities.

"Let's go somewhere a little more private." Ah, so he wanted to talk about that, rather than the essay. Then again, did I really expect him to talk about that?

"Sure," I stood and followed him out of the room. A few people watched as we passed, but not too many. After all, we were just two teenage guys walking off somewhere, a lot like all the other teenage guys walking off to achieve their own ends. Or so, that was what appearances said. I mean, this was Kaiba Seto.

We went outside of the building. The air was warming to summer temperatures already. I felt anticipation building up inside of me. Fear was coming as well. So many 'what ifs' were passing through my head; I did my best to ignore them. This was one of those moments when you knew that something major was about to change.

He led me behind the tennis courts, to a place secluded and shaded by trees. There were a couple of third years from the tennis club on the courts, but I doubted that they really noticed us.

I knew that it was time to face the truth of the situation.

"Bakura-kun," Kaiba-kun stopped and looked directly at me. I felt myself freeze up with anxiety and impatience. Would he just say it already, whatever it was, whether it was profession or denial? "Do you want to go somewhere tomorrow with me, as a date?"

At that moment, the hopeful part of me wanted to clap and smile giddily while the cynical side wanted to gape in disbelief. Instead, I blushed and stared at him. A part of me knew that he would ask this. Some weird, certain part of me that developed over the past few days that only decided now to really make itself known. But even though this part of me expected it, I still did not know how exactly to react.

The way he said it was so awkward. While his tone may have been his usual levelness, his words themselves seemed confused and uncertain. He was usually so articulate. He asked a question of me, rather than stated a desire, as he normally did.

"Yes," I nodded my head slowly, the blush that seemed always present burning at me. "I would like that."

With a quickness that I found akin to him and an intimacy that felt foreign, he embraced me. I was hardly able to comprehend this through the silent screaming of my mind. What it was screaming about, I was uncertain. But I did know that every time I inhaled, I could smell his intoxicating scent. This place, these arms felt safe. I wanted to feel his heart in sync with my own.

What the hell, we were all a little out of character. I should have been suspicious as to whether or not this was reality, but I wanted to take this for granted. This, if nothing else. I loved him.

Yeah, I wanted this.

* * *

We returned to the classroom together. Yuugi-tachi stared at us, Jounouchi-kun with half a sandwich hanging out of his mouth (in quite a dog-like way, but I'd never tell him that) and Yuugi-kun taking a sip from his drink. They just all stopped in mid-action and stared at us.

We offered no answers. I just went to sit at my desk and he sat at his. It was as if we just happened to enter the room at the same time.

I wondered where we were going to go tomorrow. Would it be just the two of us, or would Mokuba-kun come as well? If it was just us, how would he explain it to Mokuba-kun?

Never mind, Mokuba-kun would know and probably expect it.

I felt this utter fullness to me. I did not even know what to do with myself. I was anticipating tomorrow and staring off at the blackboard, I realized.

But over the past week or so, I was experiencing more and more of Kaiba-kun's personal intimacies. Little things that belonged to him, but he showed so few of: his conversation, his smile, his laugh, his kiss, his embrace—all of these things were of him.

Anzu-chan waited until the guys were done with their meals to approach me. They left to throw away trash and use the bathroom and she came to me with a bit of curiosity. I looked over at Kaiba-kun and he hardly seemed to notice, still reading his book.

"So, you and Kaiba-kun are going out, now?" She asked quietly with a hint of nonchalance in her voice, as if we were talking about the weather, but I could just feel the aforementioned curiosity seeping in there.

"What?"

"Oh, come on! We came back and the two of you were gone. You came back together. To me, at least, that means a couple. And," she tilted her head, "out of all the time that you have been in Domino, I think that today is the first time that I've actually seen you happy without the use of sugar or caffeine."

Was it true? Were we really going out? I mean, sure, he asked me on a date, and I accepted, but was it a _date_? It was, was it not? What were we now? Lovers? Boyfriends? We were some sort of couple. My eyes widened with this realization. We were a couple.

I had a boyfriend.

Or, at least, I think I did. Does going on a single date count us as a couple? Do you actually have to tell one another that you like each other?

What were the rules of dating, anyway?

I was going on a date, an actual _date_. That, if nothing else, was an undeniable truth.

I, Bakura Ryou, was going on a date, just the two of us, with Kaiba Seto.

Something about that statement absolutely elated me.

I had… this nervous feeling in my stomach. It was not nauseous nervous, but a hopeful nervous. It was a nice feeling to have, though it made me incredibly jittery at the same time. Was this how other people in love felt? I was so happy that no words justified it. All of the complexities of life just seemed to melt away when I remembered his face, though I had to exert control over myself to not look back at him.

I was becoming lovesick, in some way.

"I take your silence as a 'yes,'" she turned away with an air of triumph.

I blushed.

Yuugi-tachi came back and I made a note to myself to talk to Honda-kun later. He deserved to know what was going on.

My mind blanked as classes started back up. I couldn't concentrate. Maybe I could ask Anzu-chan for notes, since she would know exactly why I was so out of it. Or, maybe I could just ask my boyfriend.

I felt the edges of my mouth turn into a goofy smile that I hid in my arms on the desk. I had a boyfriend. Imagine that.

What would dating him be like? Would he be completely open with me, or would it be gradual? What kinds of things did he like to do? Where would we go?

See, these were the types of thoughts plaguing my mind, rather than whatever it was that the teacher was talking about. Who cared what she was saying?

I would just have to deal with whatever came.

Hey, if he asked me out, that meant that he was at least attracted to me, right?

Did that mean that he was gay, too?

What did it matter? He liked me! At least, I assumed he did, since he asked me out on a date.

Date. We were going to go on a date tomorrow! I couldn't wait!

_Okay, think. Concentrate on the lecture. Date. Kaiba-kun. Yes! No! Notes. Must think. Notes. Ah, I want to leave! I want it to be tomorrow!_

I eventually gave up on concentrating. I went through the rest of the day like that, including gym class, where I got hit by a soccer ball. I was too out of it to care, even when the guy apologized.

"Bakura-kun?" I blinked into reality and saw Honda-kun staring at me. The rest of Yuugi-tachi was hanging back. Honda-kun wanted to talk in private, probably to check up on me, since I did not seem to have talked to him since, well, Kyoto.

"Aa, Honda-kun," I blushed, "I'm really sorry for not talking to you. I mean, between the project and everything else… but I'm just making excuses for myself!" Stop freaking out! Calm…

"That's alright," Honda-kun was looking at me as if I was crazy. "I just wanted to make sure that you're alright after," he paused, "both Kyoto and that project. You know, make sure that Kaiba-kun didn't do anything else to you."

I started laughing and I could feel a big smile on my face. Honda-kun looked surprised, though I couldn't blame him. Ah, I felt so incredibly happy. "Sorry," I apologized again, "it's just that… I'm really happy right now. It's absurd, I shouldn't be laughing like this, but I just can't help it." I bit my lip to try to calm myself down. "The situation between Kaiba-kun and I is good. We made up, or, at least as much as anyone can 'make up' with Kaiba-kun." I started breathing a little deeper, my heart slowing to a normal pace and the redness of my face gained from laughing fading. "We're going out now."

Now he was staring at me with wide eyes.

"I know it seems odd, but after we made up, we just," what was the word, "connected, I guess. He makes me smile, laugh, even. Well, wait, I guess you knew that I liked him."

He shook his head in incredulity. "I'm just surprised. Did you profess to him?"

I shook my head. "No, he asked me out. We're going on a date tomorrow."

"And you're sure it's an actual date?"

"That's the word he used. It was a little awkward for both of us," I laughed a little more. Yeah, it was unnerving. "But for some reason, I'm just incredibly happy." And I didn't feel any fear about being happy, like I normally did. I didn't feel that anyone would steal this away. Kaiba-kun could protect me.

"That's good," he smiled in relief. "I was worried."

"I'm sorry for worrying you."

Were I a little more empathetic at the time, like I normally was, I would have noticed that he was still a little worried. But I got the feeling that he did not want to ruin my good mood by telling me to be careful.

But, of course, I could not see all of that at the time.

Honda-kun really was a good friend. He, like me, was one of the cheerleaders of the group. He was not a particularly strong duelist; in fact, I have never actually seen him duel. The only duel-notable part of me was Yami Bakura, whom I was told was good, though more than a little scary.

That wasn't why Kaiba-kun was interested in me, was it? The dueling skills that my former other half had? I would like to think that it was because he liked me, for my personality and everything else.

I could not duel to save my life, which, considering the types of adventures that this group usually was thrown in, it was not very reassuring.

I wanted to sit and talk with him some more. I was not as scared of the notion as I used to be, though it was still a little difficult for me to get the thought of initiating. I guess that it is true that you can act rather stupid around the person that you are in love with, especially when that love is in its first forms.

* * *

The phone rang that evening as I got out of the shower. I was ready to curse whoever it was as I ran out with nothing but a towel around my waist. My hair dripped all over the carpet as I ran. It did not occur to me that I could have just let them leave a message.

"Hello?" I asked a bit out of breath. I do not like running.

"Bakura-kun?" Kaiba-kun's voice came to greet me and I felt myself melt. His voice was warming. "It's Kaiba Seto."

"Un," I nodded, "I know."

"I wanted to know how two o'clock sounded for tomorrow. I can pick you up from your apartment."

"Anytime," I answered. "It doesn't conflict with your work?"

"I took off tomorrow."

"You won't get behind?"

"I think that this is worth it."

I blushed and my stomach churned. I was worth it? Since when? I felt so… I would normally say embarrassed, but that was not quite the word. I almost thought before that I was getting used to Kaiba-kun's random kind words, and yet, I was unprepared for that.

How could he make me feel like this?

He decided to interrupt the silence. "So, that's alright for tomorrow?"

"Yeah, two's great." I wanted to ask what we were going to do. I wanted to make conversation so that I would seem at least a little more interesting, but my mouth would not work.

"I will see you tomorrow, then."

"Yeah."

"Good bye."

"Bye." I hung up the phone painfully. Why could I not say anything after he admitted that? _Ah, you idiot, Ryou._

It was then that I noticed that I was still in a towel, quite wet, and still dripping all over the floor.

* * *

Sunday, May 15th

I had never spent an hour trying to pick out clothes before. This was especially sad, because I did not have that much clothing to choose from. Most of what I had were shirts and pants that I wore with my school uniform. Oh, and there was that yukata. I also had the dorky sweater from Duelist Kingdom, the clothes from Battle City, and a long black jacket that I didn't remember buying.

I really was pathetic. That would have to change.

It was almost eleven o'clock in the morning when I picked up the phone, exasperated, and dialed.

"Hello?"

"Anzu-chan?" I asked, automatically wondering if I was making the right decision. "It's Bakura."

"Ah, Bakura-kun! What's up?"

"Ano," I really was an idiot, "I need some help."

"Hn, what do you need?"

Why was I doing this? "I need help picking out some clothes before one o'clock." An hour afterwards would give me enough time, would it not?

"Oh, why so quickly?" She sounded smug. I would never live this down.

I felt like grinding my teeth, but instead I growled lowly. "I have a date in a few hours," I mumbled.

"Oh, a date!" She sounded mock-surprised. I could imagine her grinning on the other side of the phone. It was probably that same smile that everyone gets when they tease me, since it is seemingly becoming a national pastime. This would be so much easier if she just agreed to it and did not draw it out like this. But then again, friends are supposed to tease each other, aren't they? I supposed that was how it worked. "Who are you going out with?"

"You know who." Why me?

"I know, but I want to hear you say it."

I sighed. "I'm going on a date with Kaiba-kun."

"There, that wasn't so hard, was it?" When I gave no verbal reply, she continued. "Anyway, I'm at the arcade right now, so I guess I could meet you at," she paused, "Suzumi's Outlet in ten minutes. Do you know where that is?"

"Yeah," I did. It would probably take me between ten and fifteen minutes to walk there.

"So, I'll meet you there. Bye, Bakura-kun!"

I hung the phone up. She sounded far too happy for her own good. What sort of fun could she find from shopping for clothes for me?

Never mind. I do not want that answer. The mind of the shounen ai fangirl was a scary thing.

So I got my wallet and keys and started walking, praying that this not be a disaster.

* * *

Suzumi's Outlet was a western clothing store. It was fairly large in size and pretty popular. It carried both girls' and boys' clothing from infant to adult.

I met Anzu-chan in front. She waved to me and as soon as she got her 'hello' out, she grabbed my arm and dragged me into the store. I yelped as she did, but she ignored this sign of unhappiness. There were small crowds of people, mostly in the women's section, but there were a few people wandering the men's section.

"Okay, for a color assessment," she stopped to look me over, "black goes with anything, of course. We may want to try a few darker tones, but then again, lights have always worked well with you. But then again, we have to remember that this is your first date, so you have to look good." She took her hands off of me and studied me in a way that reminded me of an artist studying a subject. "Let's start with darker jeans as a base. We can also grab some black pants to build on. What pant size are you?"

After I told her, I was left staring at she ran off and returned with the said items, as well as a couple of shirts. How she could possibly have translated my pants size into western sizes was beyond me. "Here, hold this to yourself," she handed me the black jeans and I held them at my waist, feeling more than a little foolish. I knew that people were politely glancing over at me often, rather than just staring, so I kept my head down.

_Oh kami-sama, that date better be good._

She held a dark burgundy shirt up to me. "This is a maybe," she commented as she threw it into my arms. "I've decided that the greens are not your color, and we will pretend that browns do not exist. I wouldn't go for red, either, unless it was very dark. But I wouldn't recommend that at first." She once again left me, this time with all the clothing that she deemed 'maybe' in my arms as she went to return what she had.

What was I getting myself into? I had already asked myself this question many times, and would probably be asking myself more times.

Once again, she came back with clothing, though this time it included lighter denim. "Okay, Bakura-kun, we want to go to a dressing room. I decided that blues really were better for you than a lot of other colors." She led me over to the dressing rooms and pushed me in. "Try the new stuff, first," she smiled brightly while closing the door.

I dropped everything on the floor and began sorting it. The new stuff was on top of the pile. The only pants was a pair of lighter jeans, which to me looked a lot like my current pair, but I guess that I'd try them on.

"Anzu-chan? Are you sure that this is right?" I tugged up on the waist. Maybe the pants were defective. I mean, they barely came up my hip, and when I tried to pull them up, they hit very uncomfortably on my crotch.

"What's wrong with them?"

"T-the waist seems a little low."

"They're supposed to do that! Trust me!" That did not comfort me in the slightest. But I decided to continue dressing anyway.

I pulled on a dark green shirt, which confused me horribly, since Anzu-chan had just spoken against it. I then put the light denim jacket on. Guessing that I was done, I stepped out of the little cubicle that people called a dressing room. There was no mirror on the inside, so I had no idea what I looked like when Anzu-chan saw me.

"Didn't you say that you didn't like green?" I asked her, still a bit confused.

"Well, the blue is framing it, so it's okay." I had no idea what she was saying, but alright. "There's a mirror right there."

I turned to where she was pointing and saw myself. I was looking at myself with disbelief at what I saw. I guessed that I looked like me, but the clothing was bolder than what I was used to seeing in a mirror. I looked casual, like an actual teenager, and not someone trying to hide themselves among people. I mean, I did not look stunning, but I supposed that it was not bad. The shirt covered up the physical evidence that I swear that my pants were falling off.

"It's not bad. You can change the shirt if you want. I will repeat: do not choose bright red. It will make you look like an albino."

I shook my head. "The shirt's okay."

"Good, now try on the first pair of pants and shirt."

I walked a little stiffly back into the dressing room and redressed. I regretted having long hair, suddenly. It kept getting in the way! I started making unhappy noises at that fact.

"Bakura-kun? Are you alight?"

"Oh, yes! Just a little problem with my hair!"

"Ooh, yeah, that would be a problem."

I straightened out the clothes and took a deep breath before opening the door. I stepped out and Anzu-chan's eyes were on me again, analyzing. "That looks great! I just would wait to wear it for a later date."

I wondered what she meant when I looked in the mirror. The black pants were tight and I could see the contours of my body in them. They were as low as the other pants as well, though again, the dark burgundy shirt covered that.

"Oh, Bakura-kun, just a hint," she leaned in close and whispered, "the reason I mentioned not on the first date is because, well, you obviously can't wear anything under those pants."

What the hell?

I turned to her with a full blush and an indignant look. I couldn't say anything, though. I wouldn't trust myself to do so.

"What? They look good on you! I just wanted to warn you." She laughed nervously. "So! Change out of that and let's see the next outfit. The jeans, black shirt, and other jacket."

I mumbled to myself as I trudged back into the dressing room and got out of those clothes. As I was putting on the next, and thankfully, last set of clothes, I wondered what Kaiba-kun would have thought about that outfit. Would he have liked it? I blushed thinking about it.

The last outfit was a black turtleneck with the blue jeans and a gray-blue loose jacket over it. I thought the jacket was odd, because it seemed designed to hang limply off the shoulders and down the arms. She assessed and hurried me through the check-out line, since it was nearing twelve-thirty, and she assumed that I would want to eat something before the date. Luckily, I had enough money to pay for it. I ended up with all three outfits, somehow.

Anzu-chan and I said our goodbyes. The past couple of hours passed quickly, and I could not quite comprehend how exactly that happened. But I hurried home with bags in my arms, wondering how I could have let myself do that. It wasn't as painful as I thought it may have been, and I supposed that I got a few good outfits out of it, but still! Bakura Ryou and clothing shopping don't mix very well.

I threw the bags on the couch and stared at them for a couple of moments. Which would I wear today? Not the black pants. What was she thinking? I mean…

I pulled them out and looked them over. Westerners must have been crazy to wear this type of thing. What did people see in uncomfortably tight, low-set clothing?

Then again, that style would not look bad on Kaiba-kun. In fact, image coming to mind…

_What are you thinking!_

I quickly shoved the pants back into the bag and decided that I should probably take another shower, since it was hot outside and I had sweated. Yeah, a shower sounded good. Then lunch afterwards.

Shower. Good.

I wondered offhandedly why my hormones decided now, of all times, to become active.

After the shower, I made myself a sandwich, seeing as my mind was too far away to do much else. Plus, I was not too hungry.

While I ate, I rifled through the clothes again, setting the pants that were a current bane of my existence aside. It could join DDR, karaoke, and the English language.

_Maybe the last outfit._

I quickly disposed of that thought. It was a little hot outside, and if I was to wear that, it would be in the evening. So, that left the first one. Granted, it had a jacket as well, but no turtleneck shirt. Denim wasn't too hot, was it?

_Hm, Anzu-chan was right. It would look horrible on me without the jacket._

However, my sense of fashion was equal to naught, so my opinion hardly counted.

I got changed. The clothing felt a little odd on me. I pulled off the tags and looked myself over in a mirror. The clothes fit well, but it just felt a little weird to wear something that was not pale in color.

How much more time did I have? Ooh, fifteen minutes.

I started walking around the apartment nervously. He did not call while I was gone, did he? No, there were no messages on the answering machine.

I brushed my hair again. It was still a little damp, so I toweled it off for a second time and brushed again. Did it look alright? Same as usual.

The jeans still felt low.

Maybe I should wait out front. I mean, then Kaiba-kun would not have to get out of the car and come up to the door and call up for me. It would be a lot easier. Yeah, I'd do that.

I took one last look around the room before closing the door behind me and locking it. I felt a little self-conscious as I walked down the stairs and to the front, despite that no one was around.

Tension hit me like a wave as I stopped walking. This was it, my first date. It was with another guy; it was with Kaiba Seto, at that. I felt a nervous feeling wash over me. What if he ended up not liking me? What if he realized halfway through that this was a mistake? I hoped that he would like me…

I started pacing. So many different variations of scenarios ran through my head. The feeling was a lot like the one that I had when he first talked to me, back in Kyoto, starting the short conversation about Thoreau. I wanted to act in a way that he would not consider stupid then, and I felt like that now. It was as if I was walking on a thin thread, swaying from side to side, hoping to keep my balance and not fall.

How did he feel about me back then?

I really have been an idiot. How could he want to associate himself with me?

But I had already gone past the point of no return.

I nearly jumped as I saw his car pull into the parking lot. The car stopped in front of me and I opened the passenger door.

"Were you waiting long?" Kaiba-kun asked as I buckled my seatbelt.

I shook my head. "I just needed to walk a little. I guess that I was… a bit nervous." There was no hiding it, I was blushing and not feeling brave enough to look at his face. But looking out of the corner of my eye, I could see that he was wearing jeans, which I found a little out of character for the standard Kaiba-kun, but after I thought it out, perfectly normal for this Kaiba-kun.

_Just have fun with this._

I tried to tell myself this, but I was scared.

"You look nice."

I felt the words freeze in my head and repeat. _"You look nice."_ Did he just say that? Whether or not he said it to be nice, or if he actually meant it, I felt good.

"Thank you," I gained the courage to look him in the face. "S-so do you."

It was true. He was wearing very loose jeans with a belt to hold them up and a low-necked, long-sleeved black shirt. All he needed was a necklace or something and sunglasses and he'd look like his public personality's complete opposite. He already looked good enough to be a model.

At least, to me he did.

He noticed me looking and smirked. I looked away and stared out at the road as he started driving. But even with that embarrassment, I felt this tinge of elation in me. It seemed that I was actually gaining a bit of self-esteem or something close.

Did Kaiba-kun know that he could do this to me? He may as well of held my emotions in the palm of his hand. He could make me feel so lost and confused or so intensely, insanely happy that I could hardly believe that I was feeling.

Was it because of love?

How did I make him feel? Though I could pride myself on being able to read some of his emotions, I could not tell. Did he feel this same elation at the sight of me? Probably not; he was too cool to get so excited over someone like me.

He was like a pinnacle of perfection that people aspired to be.

I was a lost, lovesick teenage boy looking for some sort of magic from a person who no longer believed in miracles.

I was me.

* * *

I will admit that I took a few much-needed breaks from this fic, mostly to do something for my Prince of Tennis fandoms (TakaFuji and Yummi are so damn canon, I tell you…), which I have been neglecting horribly. Oh well, since I'm mostly stuck in a car or hotel room for some days, I can work.

This note is typed one hour and forty-six minutes before Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince comes out. I want that book. Once I get it, all writing will be on hiatus until I finish it (by Sunday, definitely).

And this note is typed post-finishing:

So… so. I finished the 6th Harry Potter book. Very numb. Have to wait two or three more years for the next one. I finished it in twelve hours of reading, not including sleep.

Yay! I like baroque-period music! -happy sigh- Vivaldi, Pachelbel, Bach, Handel… happy, happy Chibi. And then mix in all my other music… Gravitation has good music. The FAKE OAV theme song is addictive as well. I feel like dancing. Come everyone, dance a happy dance with me!

I wanted to make this chapter longer, but that seemed like an excellent stopping place and made it so that I was done on time to post when I got back home.


	12. Wonder

**Feel**

* * *

**Incoherent:** I see Anzu/Tea as a character that can be easily used for various situations as a positive character. I don't think that there's such thing as a really two-dimensional, shallow character in that series. Well, the Duelist Kingdom Anzu was kind of annoying… but she evolved.

And to any administrator who is reading this/has been alerted to this after I say a censored version of my thoughts: I may be a tiny portion of this site and my years here may be insignificant, since I don't have a paying account, but this is my story and these reviewers are my friends. I'll speak to them in any form of communication that I want. (That took up a good… few bytes of information, maybe.)

Sorry this took so long. I had no idea what to do as a date (which shows quite bluntly… I hate this chapter), and Ka-chan didn't really help it… there is no Texas Roadhouse in Japan… even if there was, even I am not desperate enough to go there for a date… (This restaurant is famous for having peanut shells all over the floor and does have dead animals on the walls, which I resent) Then I wrote something, hated it, erased it, and wrote what is here now. Maybe. I could have gotten pissed and rewrote that. (If I ever go on a date, I hope the guy knows where he wants to go… because I won't.)

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**Wonder

* * *

**

Sunday, May 15th

I wondered exactly what it was that started the chain reaction that led to my current situation. Would I be here now if I had not gone to Kyoto with Yuugi-kun? Certainly not, I would think. I would definitely not think as I do now. Because I would not have so much of an opportunity to see this side of Kaiba-kun, I would not feel as I do now. So I guess that it was a good thing that I decided to go.

I was staring out of the window, happy that I was in my present place, but nervous at the same time. I knew that I looked like an idiot, and that was one of the last things that I wanted to do, but I could not help it. This guy could, alternatively, make me conversational or silent, safe or afraid.

I wondered where it was that he was taking me. I just did not the ability to ask until we exited the actual city and came to what was more of a country setting, I supposed.

"Kaiba-kun, where are we going?" I asked finally. Perhaps I should have asked earlier.

"We are going out," he answered cryptically. That did not answer me question.

But in his voice, though hiding as it may have been, it almost seemed light, if you will. Almost as if he was enjoying something.

I would never be able to tell what he was thinking, would I?

This guy was a mystery of mannerisms. Perhaps I should get Mokuba-kun to write me a guide to all of his actions so that I could find the underlying meanings. That would take a novel's worth of pages, it seemed.

"But, where are we going?" Since I could not psychically read his meanings, I had to ask outright. However, in reply, he just gave a hidden smile and continued driving.

Was Kaiba-kun not too young to drive, technically? Licenses were open to adults to get, but most did not because it was too much trouble. Since Kaiba-kun was not yet twenty, he was not an adult.

That reminded me: I was over a month older than Kaiba-kun. My birthday was September 2nd and his was October 25th (I was bored one night and wanted to know). That was strange, since he looked so much older than me. Wow, that was a different light in which to see him. I did not like it as much, so I tried to push it from my mind and see as him as he was then. He was a hot seventeen-year-old guy with an underage driver's license that was on a date with me.

Oh yeah, this was a date.

We were now surrounded by wood and field. I did not know such places existed so close to home. Shows how much I knew.

"How would you like to go horseback riding?" He asked suddenly, and my eyes widened.

Did I just hear him correctly? "Horses?"

* * *

We parked in front of a large building with fenced fields behind it. There were indeed horses grazing in those fields. And we had a reservation to go riding.

You know, Kaiba-kun assumed that I would want to ride horses. What if I was scared or allergic to them? What if I just did not want to ride?

But I did, and though it may have been presumptuous of him, it did not matter.

I probably looked liked a child as I ran up to the fence and stared out at the horses in the field. It was the closest that I had ever seen horses before. Was it bad that I didn't even know that people owned horses in Japan?

"Bakura-kun, come on." Kaiba-kun called to me, taking all my attention away from the horses. He could grab attention so easily.

I sprinted a bit to catch up with him. "We're really riding them?" I had never touched a horse in my life, let alone sat on one. This was a big step. And those horses were bigger than I was.

"Oi, Kaiba-kun," a young man dressed in jeans and a very dirty shirt came up to us. "Right on time," he grinned, speaking with a slight Kansai accent, and then looked at me. "Hey, he's cute." I blushed profusely and the man blanched in such a way that I have seen people do when Kaiba-kun glares at them. "So!" He looked away nervously. "Has he ever ridden before?"

I shook my head. Kami-sama, those horses looked big. And they only seemed to get bigger as we got closer.

"I'll lead," Kaiba-kun said swiftly, obviously not as humored as the other person.

"Fine," he shrugged his shoulders and held out a hand to me. "I'm Sanada Itsuki. My dad owns this place, I run it."

"Bakura Ryou," I shook his hand. How did Kaiba-kun know him? They did not seem like the type who would talk, normally. Well, Kaiba-kun did not seem as if he would talk, normally. Never mind my current situation.

I was thoroughly confused as Sanada-san led us into the building, which was a stable, by the way. The smell of horses was a little strong at first, but Kaiba-kun was not phased and Sanada-san was right at home.

There was a dark brown horse about halfway down the stables. That was the one that Sanada-san took a saddle and… whatever you call that thing they put in a horses mouth over to. It watched him in slight anticipation.

The horse was taller than I was.

"Gawa-kun's our most docile gelding, perfect for beginners," Sanada-san explained. "I'll put on a light bridle and connect a leading line for you." He said that last part to Kaiba-kun, who nodded.

Sanada-kun dressed the horse quickly, first with the thing I now knew as a bridle and, after leading it out of the stall, a saddle. Gawa-kun, as I guessed the horse was called, stood there complacently. It was a cute name, I supposed. The horse's neck still looked thicker than my body, but that could have been my imagination.

"Pet him," said the deep, low voice of Kaiba-kun.

I reached my hand out slowly towards Gawa-kun's face. His head moved and I flinched a bit. But then my hand made contact with warm hair and skin. It felt… well, alive. The horse moved into my touch and started sniffing me.

"Likes you." Sanda-san stood straight up after finishing with the saddle. "Ready to go?"

I turned to Kaiba-kun. "Aren't you riding as well?"

"Someone needs to lead you so that the horse does not run off." His blue eyes connected with mine and my heart raced. "Besides, I've ridden before."

"Usually rides Denki, who's out in the paddock right now."

For some reason, I had a bit of trouble imagining Kaiba-kun riding a horse, let alone with the inferred regularity.

"Do, you know how to get up?"

I stared at the saddle. No, no I did not.

"Okay," Sanada-san squatted down next to the horse. "Put your left foot in this stirrup. Then, pull yourself up and swing your right leg over. Easy."

It may have sounded easy, but I knew that strength was not my forte. Neither was balance or coordination. Neither was luck, for that matter.

However, as to not lose face (since I am a guy, to remind you all, and do have some shred of male pride in myself, somewhere), I put my foot in the stirrup thing anyway.

As I made to pull myself up and hopefully over, I felt hands on my hips lift and turn me the correct way. I landed in the saddle with a sight thud, but at least I did not fall off and hurt myself. Gawa-kun was still calm as ever.

"T-thank you," I stuttered to Kaiba-kun, who still had a light hold on me.

"You're welcome, Bakura-kun." He was staring up at me (oh kami-sama, on this horse, I was taller than Kaiba-kun!) with some sort of look in his eyes, as if that was not what he wanted to say.

What was it that he wanted? What was he trying to say?

Was it possible that he was trying to open up to me? If so, then it must have been difficult. He seemed to not know how.

I smiled, but I still could not say that thing that I was hiding. I did not have that sort of confidence.

He almost looked, deep inside, as if he reflected that same feeling, but the Kaiba-kun that everybody knew was incredibly confident. What, besides an incident concerning his brother, could make his anxious? He had the eyes of a man who desperately wanted to say something more, but couldn't. I knew that during the past few weeks, I had that look often enough.

Usually, if he felt something about someone, he would say it. But then again, those were usually negative emotions centered on his adoptive family or Yuugi-tachi.

What did he see when he looked through those eyes of his and saw me, right there, staring back at him. Could he see that I was so in love with him, but too afraid to say it? Or did he just feel like me, absolutely confused as to what the other was thinking?

He could say such pretty words, but so could writers, poets, and singers who had never felt anything for anyone. I wanted to know how he felt about me.

Apprehension was far too strong.

The sound of someone clearing their throat caused me to flinch. "I'm still here," Sanada-san reminded us with a raised eyebrow.

I blushed again, but Kaiba-kun just seemed to ignore him. "Let's go." He took the leading line and gave a small tug so that Gawa-kun followed. I felt horribly awkward, sitting up there, moving without actually moving myself. I could feel muscles shifting under me as Gawa-kun took each step.

The view was so much more different from this height. I grinned. This was cool.

And I happened to look down as Kaiba-kun looked back at me. He turned back around to see in front of him with a softer expression and I silently cursed myself for being tongue-tied by his eyes.

* * *

I imagine that we had been on that trail for about an hour and a half by the time we came back. I was not sure, since I had thought not to bring a watch with me. Shows how prepared I was for most situations.

We stopped a bit in front of the stables so that I could get off. Everyone knows that I am not surefooted, so Kaiba-kun was ready when I got my foot caught in the stirrup as I tried to dismount and fell on top of him. It was not my proudest moment.

But… he was holding me. I was in his arms. My face went very, very hot.

"Are you alright?" He asked me, and I was horribly aware of his breath on my ear. Oh, holy shit.

"Yeah," I answered weakly as he set me down and let me go. I nodded to try to give a sort of affirmation. "I'm just a bit clumsy." I was still blushing. He made me blush a lot.

I felt foreign fingers touch mine lightly. "You're different," Kaiba-kun murmured as his hand clasped tightly, "your reactions are different than most people." He must have been feeling rather self-confident to take my hand as he did. He must have already known that it would reinstate my blush, as it did, and feel a little short of breath due to a sudden fear that I was possibly accepted. It was either that, or he himself was taking a chance and acting boldly. But Kaiba-kun was not that sort of person, was he?

_Standing atop the castle wall, mask thrown aside, true face of anxiety and desperation for the life that he needed bared helplessly to us all._

_All or nothing._

Perhaps Kaiba-kun was the type to take that chance. He normally acted as if he thought everything out beforehand, but he could take deathly risks as well, betting all on one decision made by another person.

It was my turn to make that decision now, not Yuugi-kun's other half. How would I react to his actions?

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It's not bad," he answered. "You surprised me at first."

I did not know how to react. I liked him.

I applied pressure to his hand. I loved him.

I still could not tell him.

I knew that he felt something for me. I was not that stupid, but… if that was true, why was it so difficult to say it? I wanted to hear him say it, I guessed, so that I would receive a verbal affirmation. It would give me confidence to get that one shred of evidence that he felt something.

I wanted him, but I could not initiate worth shit.

"Hey, if you're back, bring Gawa-kun in!" Sanada-san yelled from the stables, I assumed, breaking the tension. I wanted to hug him and thank him with utmost honor. However, all of that would stay in my mind.

Kaiba-kun let go of my hand and took the reins of the horse that had not moved since we stopped. I swear we could have just told him to go back and, assuming he understood Japanese, he would. But complacency isn't bad when the creature being content weighs hundreds of pounds more than you and could, I don't know, mash your body into little meaty pieces with its hooves.

As Kaiba-kun walked away with the leading line in hand, my gaze followed until it wandered to the other horses in the pasture. There were a couple male horses over on one side—a reddish one with black on its legs, and a white one. The latter looked better kept and stood with its head raised and moving, searching, while the former was content to graze and swish flies off its sides with its tail.

Elsewhere where fields (or, were they called paddocks?) with mares and colts. The young ones ran lankily around, some seeming to not quite have their footing.

Actually, they kind of reminded me of my wonderful displays of balance.

I looked back over at Kaiba-kun, who was standing some feet off. I felt embarrassed because he was watching me with this oddly relaxed look on his face. Usually, when he looked at me (and I mean as of late), there was some sort of focus in his eyes, a type of intensity. He was just watching me, silently, and I felt myself blush again as I looked away. My heart felt like it was tightening. What did he see in me? What was he thinking, feeling? I felt so unguarded, naked, vulnerable, but not alone. No, I was not alone.

Another thing that surprised was that we had talked during that time on the trail. It was, what I realized, a casual conversation on current events that felt difficult to do around Kaiba-kun if I particularly thought about it. Usually he could make my breath hitch and I would become nervous. But no, we talked as if we were truly good friends.

But we weren't close friends. I hardly know anything about him, really, and he did not particularly know anything about me.

Why were we on a date, then? Why did he ask me out, and why did I like him? I knew almost nothing about him except for a general overview of his life after being adopted. What was he like before then?

The heart is a difficult thing to comprehend. It feels without reason, almost with insanity or by intuition.

He came towards me, Sanada-san behind him. I wondered if Kaiba-kun was tired from that walking. It didn't look like it. Then again, he wouldn't.

"Well, hope you had fun," Sanada-san said, holding out a hand to shake.

I took it. "Yes, it was thank you."

He shook Kaiba-kun's hand as well, said another goodbye, and dismissed himself to go back to the stable. We took this and went to the car slowly, close together.

"Did you enjoy that?"

I nodded. "Thank you for bringing me." I smiled. "It was the first time that I've ever seen horses in real life."

"Really?" He sounded vaguely surprised, though not really.

I affirmed my answer with another nod. "I… didn't do that much as a child."

We reached the car and got in. I used that break from conversation to check my watch. It was a little after four o' clock.

"I was thinking that we could go to an early dinner."

"That's fine with me." I was hungry. I could not tell him that because it would somehow be embarrassing, though I did not know how. I just hoped that my stomach wouldn't start growling. That would make me want to jump out of the car and in front of it to end whatever misery I may feel.

I prayed silently that we would not go anywhere fancy. I was not dressed for it, he was not dressed for it, and I sure as hell did not want to go to a place where the meal would cost about year's labor in any sort of job that I would be applicable for.

And maybe Kaiba-kun really can read minds, or kami-sama does love me, or both, since we stopped at a restaurant that, while I would normally not eat there for monetary reasons, was not so expensive that I could not imagine seeing that amount of money in one place, ever.

I wondered what the other people saw when they saw us.

Run, run, run in the little hamster wheel, with thoughts stewing and repeating over and over, each time anguishing. I always had these same indecisive thoughts, and could never do anything about them. I had to wait for him to say something. Was he anguishing inside like this as well?

You know, I wanted a hamster as a kid. However, a conglomerate of my sister's death, my parents' divorce, and my coming into possession of a certain ancient Egyptian trinket made thoughts of a family pet nonexistent. I probably would have felt sorry for the hamster and let it out of its cage, anyway, and then it would get lost somewhere and drown in the toilet, or something.

I just noticed: I have not thought about Yami Bakura in such a long time. I used to think about him every day, but now it felt as if my mind was too preoccupied to do so. The fact that I had not thought about him made me feel a little guilty—he may have done some horrible things to me, but he had some redeeming features, I supposed, and no one really deserved to be completely forgotten by the people that they affected.

And since when have I stood up for him? Well, since a few seconds ago, when I started thinking about him. Being around Kaiba-kun must have changed me that much… I am not sure how, but I am sure that his presence has changed my perspective on things as abstract as Yami Bakura.

Kaiba-kun has been occupying my mind so efficiently that I have not thought about much else. I almost wondered what he would say if I told him that.

I think that I'll keep that to myself.

We were seated at a table like normal people, no celebrity treatment or whatnot. The waiter did look at me kind of funny, but that may have been another case of gender confusion. I got that a lot.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Iced tea, sweet," Kaiba-kun said quickly and efficiently. My brain would not work. "He'll have the same," he filled in for me. I blushed profusely I in embarrassment.

"Sorry," I apologized, staring at the white table cloth as if it was an interesting piece of artwork. Maybe I could count the individual threads and the moment would be gone.

"For what?" Nope, it was still there.

"For," I paused, "not being decisive. For being a potential embarrassment."

He paused. There were a lot of these, it seemed. "You're cute."

I felt my body go rigid as my head jerked up to face him. My eyes were wide and I think my mouth was open a bit. But Kaiba-kun… Kaiba-kun kept a straight face, as if it was perfectly natural for him to call me cute in a public place. He even shrugged casually and answered, "You are." Locked into those blue eyes, staring, only the two of us in the world…

I twitched visibly when a glass of tea was set in front of me. The same waiter gave me a look of 'what the hell'. "Ah, thank you," I mumbled quickly, noting to myself that perhaps restaurants were not me thing.

"Are you ready to order?"

"No, give us a few minutes."

"Okay," and off the waiter went. I had to thank him for snapping me out of that, though. I'd still be staring, otherwise, and that would also be awkward. Well, I felt awkward as it was right now, but… yeah.

Kaiba-kun just opened his menu and looked over it nonchalantly. I decided to attempt the same. The meals were written in other languages, but the Japanese translations were off to the side. What the hell kind of restaurant was this, again?

I debated between salad and something with chicken in it. I was not too big on the heavier meats, but chicken was alright, I supposed.

Though a salad sounded nice. And it was more sophisticated. Yeah, salad. If nothing else, I could splurge when I got home. Ooh, why not chicken and salad? They had that.

The waiter came again and we ordered. Kaiba-kun ordered something containing beef in it. I think it was French, but I could never be sure. Languages were not my forte, as everyone should know. And if they don't, shame on them; where have they been for the past couple of weeks?

Then again, it almost seemed as if time had no real meaning. I had to remind myself of the date almost every class period. There were just increments of time when I could and could not see him. I was merely pathetic in that way.

I took a tentative sip of the cold tea and found it to my liking—sweet, but not saturated with sugar.

"How have you been?"

I started a bit when he asked. It was a normal question from a positively abnormal person. "Fine, I suppose. A lot of my time has been filled with schoolwork," _and you, but I cannot tell you that._

He nodded. Of course, he had the same classes as me, so the same homework. "Work also is a bit of a hassle. No one can seem to make any sort of small decision without asking me first." Well, I guess that they want to make sure that they do it right, lest you kill them or fire them or whatever. But to me, Kaiba-kun didn't seem that mean anymore. I mean, I knew that he could be, but he seemed gentler than that, now.

We talked a little more (okay, actually, a while more) before the food came. I still had no idea what Kaiba-kun was eating, but I contemplated as I picked at me salad. I liked salad, okay? And cream puffs, but nobody, least of all the young man sitting across from me, needed to know that.

I started when a phone rang. Kaiba-kun reached into his pocket and pulled out a cell phone. "Excuse me," he whispered to me as he answered. "Mokuba?"

I could hear Mokuba-kun on the other end. That was the weird thing. It sounded very distant, but fairly clear. "Nii-sama, I had a dream where I was a ninja possessed by a fox demon."

There was a bit of silence for Kaiba-kun, accompanied by a look that I think was disbelief. "But you're okay?"

"Yeah," he affirmed. "Where are you? I woke up from my nap and you were gone. Are you at work?"

"No," he said quietly in a bit of an annoyed voice, "I am on a date, as I told you that I would be today." I blushed.

There was silence, and then a distant, "oh yeah."

Kaiba-kun looked vaguely amused.

"Well," his voice sped up, "I'll go do my homework now, tell Bakura-kun I said hi, bye!" Then there was the sound of the other phone disconnecting. Kaiba-kun closed his cell phone and put it back in his pocket, shaking his head slightly. "Mokuba says hi."

I nodded. "I heard."

"I'm sorry for the interruption."

"That's okay," I shook my head. "He was worried about you. Waking from a dream about ninja, but worried." That was odd. Ninja. Ninja possessed by a fox demon. I wondered where he got that stuff from.

Time passed at a comfortable rate. We talked, I laughed, he smiled. He had a beautiful smile.

We were slowly, clingingly, painfully entwining ourselves with one another. I could hardly imagine being without him, now. I was becoming horribly dependent, I thought. If he were to suddenly pull away now, I would crumble and perish, I knew. But I needed someone to depend on—that was a luxury that was a rarity in my life. Now that someone seemed to invite me in… I had to accept and embrace it fully. I was desperate for the warmth, I supposed. I could only hope that he did not decide to drop me suddenly.

I really was pathetic.

But then Kaiba-kun would smile at me, and I wouldn't feel bad anymore. I would feel that I had worth. Was this alternation of warmth and desperation really, truly love? Realistically, how could it be anything other than the wishing of the desperate heart of a girlish teenage boy? But it felt like more.

Run little hamster, run.

I don't know how long we were in the restaurant, but it was getting dark. I knew that it was time for me to go home. I felt like that fairytale of Cinderella, dressed and primped by her fairy godmother (does that mean Anzu-chan?) to go to the ball and meet the prince. But Seto knew who I was and where to find me. We saw each other everyday. I had no glass slipper, which was probably a good thing, since glass never came across to me as comfortable on the feet.

But this Cinderella had to go home, because he and the prince both had school the next day, and Cinderella needed sleep or he hated people in the mornings.

But he also didn't want to leave his prince. The prince left him in a wondering daze that made the world seem a completely different color.

"I… had a really nice time today, Kaiba-kun." I said as he pulled up to my apartment complex and I started getting out. I was still in a bit of a daze.

"Seto."

"Hm?" I blinked and looked up at him, never mind that I swear that the seatbelt was still trying to eat me.

"If you like, you can call me Seto."

"Seto," I blushed and adverted my eyes. I had never really thought to call him that before. "I-I suppose that you can call me Ryou, if you want."

"Ryou," he answered in his deep, low voice. There was no addition to that, no reason for him to say my name, he just did it.

"So, um," I started freaking out mentally, "I'll see you at school tomorrow." Do it, do it, _do it_, "Uh…" I actually managed to not kill myself when I dived back into the car and placed a soft kiss on the side of his mouth. It was warm. I pulled back quickly and stood upright again. "Goodnight, Seto." And with that, I ran to my apartment building, heart racing and that one word ringing like a bell in my heart and mind:

_Seto._

It had a nice sound to it.

* * *

Preparing for my first semester of college has been hell. I want to kill it all. There's still administrative things to do after the year's started.

-Giggle- Antique Bakery's U.S. release (other countries as well, maybe?) comes with a scratch-and-sniff dust jacket. If you scratch one of the strawberries on the cover, it smells like strawberry. That amuses me to no end. Now I know why it was in a plastic wrap. And it's by Yoshinaga Fumi, my current favorite mangaka. Yay!

-Blanches as Love Mode fans stare- Yes, I kind of took the horse part from Love Mode. I was desperate, damn it! And Ryou seems like the type to like horses.

-Blanches as Naruto fans stare- Yes, I made a Naruto reference. Naruto and Mokuba are both played by Takeuchi Junko—I couldn't pass it up. And Kama-chan from Rurouni Kenshin. -loves-

Slowly getting into the rhythm of things. Houston work-hour traffic sucks, and I have the gayest algebra teacher ever. But he's so 'I want to hug him' cute! My birthday's coming up. I'll be eighteen. One week. Ooh, creepy.


	13. Complete

**Feel

* * *

**

_Yes, this is the last chapter._ Lucky number 13, eh? (Yay, western superstition!)

I want to thank everyone who stayed through this fic and my apparent inability to update often. This was my longest fanfic and really tested my patience, but it also is one of my best, I think. I feel pretty satisfied with it, though, as always, some things could be changed. But I'm glad that I decided to start retyping this story the couple of years after I started it… whenever that was.

You know, for a change of pace, I should just screw everything up and end it all unhappily. I have that power and it's early enough in the morning. I haven't had my Starbucks… I'm a dangerous person. I might just go find a big stick and break open a parking meter for its change. I'll blame it on television.

I just need my mocha.

**Miyosuke**: I really do like using Anzu as a character if I can. I mean, sometimes I'll give a reason for her to not be there if it helps the plot start, but… she really is fun to use as a dynamic character.

**Bijoukaiba**: My friend showed me Japanese Naruto and I spent the entire episode asking myself where the voice came from. Then I screamed, "It's Mokuba!" and scared the crap out of my friends. ' And fluff is fun. And I will stalk the television until next Saturday, 8 PM Central time.

**Shadowwaker**: Hey, Mokuba can carry Seto's suitcase around. I'm sure he could… somehow… manage a weapon that's twice his height. And Seto with horses… well, I felt like poking fun at him one night. I just kept having odd images of him in a sexed-up cowboy outfit.

**Incoherent**: Thank you for the birthday congrats! I forgot that horses would be rare in Japan. 00' I really don't know how I managed to draw everything out to thirteen chapters, though, and how I'll get it all explained without absolutely killing everything.

* * *

**Chapter 13**

**Complete

* * *

**

Monday, May 16th

I was a little confused as to what I should do when Monday morning came. I knew that I would go to school and see everyone, par usual. I would attend classes and fend off sleep. I would probably not eat lunch.

But how would I react to Kaiba-kun (or, I guess now he's Seto), and how would he react to me? We went on a date. I kissed him, though not directly on the mouth. But still, I initiated something. He told me to refer to him by his given name. I told him to call me by mine. This was a huge step in any sort of relationship.

What would I call him at school? I was fairly certain that he did not want me to call him Seto in public.

Would I let him call me Ryou around others? Well, if he wanted to, I wouldn't stop him. But I doubted my ability to ask him, and I'm also fairly certain that he would want to keep this relationship of ours a secret.

How deeply did he feel for me? I thought about this as I pulled my jacket on and walked out the door, down the stairs, and out the complex door. I thought about it as I traveled along the road. It occupied my mind as crowds formed and dispersed, undulated around me.

I knew he felt something. He had to, or else all of this… would have been a cruel lie. But no, he was far too sincere in his speech and actions. I just wondered how much he liked me…

Yuugi-kun was the first person that I knew to join me in homeroom that morning.

"Morning, Bakura-kun," he greeted.

"Good morning, Yuugi-kun," I responded. "Where is everyone else?"

"Honda-kun and Jounouchi-kun were talking badly about a teacher and were caught, and Anzu-chan is scolding them." He sighed deeply. "I was trying to tell them that the teacher was behind them."

I laughed weakly, not sure whether to find this funny, or whether or not to worry that the two would be in a lot of trouble.

"So, Bakura-kun, what have you been up to lately?" Yuugi-kun asked suddenly. "We haven't talked in a while."

"Um," I tried to pass myself off nonchalantly. My acting skills are as impressive as my coordination. "Nothing much, really. Homework, school, books…" He probably was not falling for it.

But, luckily, the other three came in.

"You shouldn't be bad-mouthing teachers! And if you are, at least make sure that they aren't behind you, first. And be glad it wasn't, like, the gym teacher! He would have expelled you!" Anzu-chan was angry. Quite angry.

"Yeah, yeah," Jounouchi-kun yawned.

"We'll be more careful next time." No, you wouldn't, Honda-kun.

"Good morning, Bakura-kun!" Anzu-chan came up to me, smiling. Mischievous fairy-godmother out to tease me about dating. I saw that scary triumph and curiosity in her face.

"Morning," Honda-kun and Jounouchi-kun mumbled.

"Good morning," I gave a small wave. I really wanted Kai—err, Seto to come. He was usually here by this time.

I supposed that I would have to get used to calling him that. Insert soft smile and low sigh here.

Wait, oh kami-sama, there he was! I could not hide the smile that I felt well up as he walked in. It was so odd, or at least it would be if I took a step back and looked at this from an outsider's view. It was hard for me to remember that, according to the world, Kaiba Seto was a cold person whose only passions were for gaming and his company. But I knew now that that was not the case. He had so many dreams that he wanted and regrets from past events.

He was as human as me or anyone else in this big world. And, knowing all of that, could I help but fall so deeply for him?

The world was a scary, confusing place. But, with him near me, that did not matter.

I expected him to walk past me with barely a word, but we all know that he seemed to like doing things that surprise me, or just scare the crap out of me.

"Ryou," he stopped at my desk, ignoring Yuugi-tachi and everybody else. I felt myself freeze up. He's talking so intimately in public? "Do you want to come over this afternoon?"

"You don't have any meetings or work?" That seriously surprised me. His schedule seemed conveniently open lately.

"Nothing important." I wanted to tell him that his work was more important than me, but he looked at me with his eyes.

"O-okay, Kai-Seto." I was stuttering and mumbling. I was a complete mess, I was sure. Kami-sama, I was acting so obvious. I wanted to apologize to Seto as walked off, for acting like an idiot, but that would lead to more awkwardness.

"B-Bakura-kun," I heard Jounouchi-kun's voice. "You… and Kaiba-kun?" This revelation caused me to jerk my head towards him with wide eyes. So I guessed we weren't so secret anymore.

"Y-yeah," I nodded, blushing and finally adverting my eyes to stare at my own hands, which were playing with a pencil on my desk. "Sorry I didn't tell you guys, and I guess I have no real excuse for keeping it secret besides, just, well…" I let it hang. They could fill in the blanks themselves.

I just couldn't bring myself to look at them again.

Jounouchi-kun spoke again. "You and that jerk are friends!"

…Sometimes, I really just want to beat sense into him. This was one of those times.

I faced him again with more of a 'what the hell' look on my face, which Honda-kun was mirroring. Jounouchi-kun was off in his own steaming rant world and Anzu-chan was laughing as politely as possible. Yuugi-kun just looked horribly confused. I could relate sometimes.

"What's so funny, Anzu?"

"Nothing, nothing!" She waved it off, trying to quiet herself down. At least it was Jounouchi-kun being laughed at this time and not me. But the subject matter was less than to my liking. "So," she took in a deep breath, "first name basis?"

I wondered if she knew that Kaiba-kun could probably hear her. Well, checking, if he did, he pretended not to. He was reading. It was in English. I hated English. We all knew that.

But I just shot Anzu-chan a dirty look, which she just smiled in response to. Would this happen from now on if my friends ever got blackmail on me?

However, if I just leaned back and took a look at my current situation, it seemed pretty good. I mean, I was now a fairly normal high school 3rd year (which was a step up from my previous lifestyle) with a screwed up past and friends to help make it better, as well as a new boyfriend. I wasn't horribly failing any of my classes and, while I did live alone, it was not that bad.

I smiled a bit. This wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

I somehow managed to pry myself away from Yuugi-tachi and wander back into the school hallways. I think Anzu-chan all but pushed me out with an impish smile that made me want to crawl in a corner and hide.

But after I entered the emptying hallway, students only staying behind if it was his or her class's turn for _oshoji_ or if they were, like me, waiting for someone, I realized that we had not really specified a place to meet. (1)

So I walked around a bit, feeling lost, and then I loitered in the hallway to wait. I wondered where he was and if he was off elsewhere waiting for me. I didn't want to make him wait.

I didn't even notice that anyone was calling my name while I was in my thought process because I was not used to anyone calling me by my given name.

"Ryou." I looked up and saw Seto standing over me, one eyebrow raised slightly. I wondered how long he had been calling me.

"I'm sorry!" I apologized. "I'm just… not used to people calling me that. Um…" I couldn't think of anything else to say. I just blushed profusely and looked down at my shoes. "Were you waiting long?"

"It looked like you were the one waiting for me."

"No!" I shook my head. "I, uh, was trying to look for you and got a bit lost, I guess." I shrugged. _That's right, Seto, you picked the idiotic one._

Picked? He really picked me? He could have had almost any female in the school, or, if he was only inclined to males, a good amount of the gay male population.

But here I was, blushing and stuttering like a fool and trying to regain face.

"Should we go, then?" I glanced up at his face and saw a hint of his smile in his blue eyes.

I just nodded and smiled myself. Only he could make me feel like this. Only Seto.

Seto.

I followed Seto to his car and got in, people watched subtly, but I did not care. This was where I wanted to be.

It mirrored the ride from last week—it was the same thing, except opposite, in a way. I was still here, blushing nervously, and he was still here, quietly driving. However, mirrors also show opposites. When you raise your right hand, your image raises its left. This was opposite in that now, I knew he felt something. Instead of worrying about him finding out how I felt and feeling desperation at the impossibility, I knew that there was something between us, and that did indeed give me a sort of confidence, even if it did not seem like it.

This time around, we were dating.

That seemed odd when compared to how this transpired in Kyoto, and it almost seems like we may have forgotten those events, but no. Time just goes on, and past events are just that. There really was no point in dwelling on it; the present was a much better time.

Though, I wondered if he was feeling the same thing I was back then—the confusion and frustration and the inevitable question of 'Why'.

But back to the present, since it is indeed a much better time.

The entire trip was silent. I was too nervous to say anything and was perfectly fine with just feeling his presence. He just did not speak.

Wait, what do couples usually do at each other's houses? They talk, right? Or eat over, watch a movie… something. I was definitely not prepared for dating. I knew nothing.

After we arrived, he led me into the house, which I still found big. I always would, probably. Or, for as long as I had any reason to associate myself to him. Even after, I would probably look back in memories and remember that it was a big house.

Thoughts like that made me wonder about other things. Though I knew that he obviously felt something, what sort of relationship was he looking for, and for how long? Since I was generally a pessimist and a little wary of happiness, I wondered what would happen if a girl ever came up to him and professed. Would he take her instead? It would look better for him, because since he is a male in a relationship with another male, it would cause a scandal if someone found out. I could live with people knowing that I was gay, perhaps, but he was a public figure. It would ruin him. I would only be trouble for him. We could never be open. I dared not even fancy that he would be willing to throw it all away for me—he worked too hard to get where he is.

Why was he doing something as dangerous as accepting me? If certain people found out about us…

Right, right, because he does have feelings.

But if he did develop these same feelings for a girl, it would be easier for him.

But couldn't I allow myself to be selfish just this once and keep the one thing that I've ever really wanted?

No, I decided. If he did find someone else, I would not stop him. I didn't want to cause unnecessary problems for him. I just wanted him to be happy… because I loved him.

"Stop thinking like that."

"Hm?" I blinked and looked up at him.

"You're thinking of something that hurts you again," he answered simply. "You should stop doing that."

"Right," I replied softly. It would be easier for him, but… I really didn't want to break this fragile world that we were creating together. It was something that I cared about, something that I actually wanted, and yet it could shatter as easily as a glass against a wall. If we did get serious, and that was a big if, how far could we go together? We could never get married or have a family. We could still never be public.

He took my hand and pressed his lips to my forehead. Why was he treating me like this? "Stop," he whispered. I could feel the vibrations of his voice and I wanted to melt. "What can I do to take that sadness out of your eyes?"

I reached my free hand towards him, and then stopped. Couldn't I be selfish just this once? I touched the front of his open school jacket, clutched it, pulled myself closer to him, and took in his scent. His oddly affectionate hand touched my back and held me there. Yes, maybe I could be a bit selfish. I could want this, right?

Could I tell him how I felt, in words? That was still a bit difficult to choke out, though it would have been the perfect time.

I felt warm as he just held me there, silently. I could hear his heart and feel his chest moving with his breathing so intimately. I felt like I belonged there, against him and with him.

"Do you feel better now?"

I nodded. Maybe, just maybe, I could say something. "Seto, I," I paused, words stuck in my throat.

"Nii-sama! I'm ho-" Mokuba-kun stopped halfway through his burst through the door. Seto and I both looked at him, though after I jerked away and turned a very red color. "Oh, um, I'm interrupting something. Ah," he blushed and looked off to the side, "I'll… go do my homework. Or play a videogame. Nice seeing you again, Bakura-kun." He ran off very quickly.

He left us in an incredibly awkward moment. I didn't know what to say to him, and it took him a little to find something to say to me.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" He asked finally.

I nodded with a slight verbal affirmation and he led me, our fingers entwined, up the set of stairs that we had frequented when working on the project. But instead of leading me to the office, he took me to his room.

It was a tidy room, as I thought that it would most likely be. That was the first thought that came to mind—tidy. There was a bookshelf with many books on it in different languages. Some were thick enough so that they must have been some sort of reference material, but there were also literature books.

A computer desk sat near a window with light curtains. I could see that it was still light outside as logic told me it would be during this time of day. The desk had a few papers next to the computer monitor and a pencil holder with a few utensils, but other than that, it was rather bare.

The bed was on the side of the room adjacent to us and opposite the windows. It was then that Seto let my hand go and sat on the bed, eyes lost in some sort of thought. His face looked intense.

I did not know what to do, so I slowly approached. Instead of sitting next to him, as I may have done if I was more forward, I stood off to the side and watched him.

"Ryou," he said suddenly, "what do you plan to do after we graduate?"

"Well, I," I paused, "guess that I will go to a local college or something. Perhaps I'll study history, since it runs in the family and I seem to be able to retain it easier than… math."

A slight smile flashed in his eyes. "You do know that if you intend to do the same work as your father, it requires another language, preferably French or German, and most likely English as well."

"Mm, that's if I went into Egypt, though. I was thinking more along the lines of ancient Japanese history. I always found it interesting that the Mesolithic Jomon, who were hunter-gatherers that lived on the Kanto plains, created pottery before starting agriculture, let alone settling into towns. That was… over ten-thousand years ago. By the time Egypt was becoming unified, the early Jomon were sculpting figures of people and animals and creating larger settlements that spanned into towns." Another pause. "You have no idea what I just said, do you?"

He gave a slight shake of his head. "No, I don't."

"Kaiba Seto, I thought you knew everything that there was to know." Since when was I able to joke with him like this?

He looked at me. "I'm only human." Yes, yes you were. And that was what was so attractive about him. One of the things, at least. I felt comfortable enough to sit next to him. The bed was firm, but not unreasonably so.

"Are you just going to stay with the company?" That was a stupid question, and I realized that as the words left my mouth.

"Yes," he answered quickly and firmly. "Kaiba Corp. is my responsibility."

"Yeah. I'm sorry, I should have thought before I asked."

"You have done nothing to apologize about."

What did he think about the future? I myself knew, even with my rose-tinted life now, that someday we would part and I would be on my own again, broken. I saw my future as living in an apartment still, and hopefully working with some sort of archeological foundation. That would be ideal.

I would not be the one to break apart this relationship with no name. I really loved him, but something as fantastic as a lifetime relationship required love reciprocated with feelings just as strong, and though it would be wonderful, I could not hope for something so outlandish. He would tire of me someday, find someone else, and we would part.

Unless, you know, he loved me that deeply in return. But I couldn't raise my hopes by thinking that. It would make me horribly clingy and exponentially more annoying. I also could not try to hold him away at arm's length, for I felt both physical and emotional longing. My hormones and heart screamed for him, but by mind was ever so cautious, wanting to hear those words.

Was there a fairytale ending? Would poor Cinderella stay with her prince and live happily ever after? Would poor Bakura Ryou ever get the courage to profess his deepest feelings to Kaiba Seto?

Maybe I could, if another moment of spontaneous bravery and another right moment corresponded. That would be difficult, however. The very thought of telling him scared me. No, it was something that I couldn't do.

Why was I so nervous? I mean, I would just be saying something that he would, most likely, expect me to feel.

But if it was so easy, why couldn't he say it first? I mean, there is no doubt that he would know that I could not express myself so easily, so I would need him to say something first.

I have no idea how long we were silent before he kissed me. I was just taken by surprise, though not at all adverse to it. This kiss was very different. In the past, they were always soft, sweet. This kiss was hot and spoke of need. He needed me. I reciprocated. I needed him.

But how far, physically, could we go?

His lips moved up my jaw line, paused at my ear, and moved downwards. It was hotter than anything I had experienced before. All I could do was sit there, in his hands, breathe, and feel.

* * *

We did not go all the way. I doubt that either of us planned to do so, either.

He stopped after going as far as half of the open buttons of my shirt would allow him. I was lying on my back, staring up at him, flushed, breathing hard and feeling desperately cornered as we took a step back and looked at our situation.

I don't think either of us knew how to react. Was an apology in order? Would we never speak about it again?

My hands slid down his arms, from shoulder to forearm, and rested there, propped up. His eyes were staring at me as if he had never seen me before, as if he too were uncertain how to react

We had not done much, but so many unsaid emotions came out.

"Ryou," Seto whispered as if he wanted to say something, started to say it, but it ultimately fell before reaching his lips.

We were in an incredibly awkward moment. Neither of us regretted sharing that we felt for each other physically because, kami-sama knows, I thought he was a hot, sexy young man, but we didn't know how to how to answer that one question: where do we go from here? What could we say to one another?

Selfishly, I wondered why he couldn't just say what we both knew that the two of us were thinking.

"Seto," had we both become so out of character that we did not know what to do with ourselves? "I love you."

The weight of the world melted away from those beautiful eyes. "I love you, too."

I smiled, and as did he, his beautiful smile that I cherished even more than torturing memories.

The masks shattered—his mask, my mask. We were bare and vulnerable to one another, creating the nooses around each other's throats, holding the knives to our hearts.

Perhaps, really, we were not so much as being out of character as we were finally being true to ourselves.

* * *

The bell for the end of school rang on the last day of school before summer break. I was slow getting out of class, lost in thought, as I almost always was.

I turned red and almost panicked as my cell phone rang. I never bothered to turn it off, since only two people ever called it, both of which were in school when I was.

"Gift from a loving significant other?" Kawakami-sensei grinned at me.

"What are you talking about, sensei?" I blinked at him. "You know that dating isn't allowed for students." Despite that it was breaking yet another school rule, I answered the phone anyway. "Seto?"

Yes, the phone was indeed a gift from Seto, just… to help keep in contact. Only he and Mokuba-kun had the number, though.

"Ryou, school's out, right?"

"Yes," I nodded, despite that only my impishly smiling teacher could see me, "we just let out. You weren't in school today."

"I had to put in hours. My vice-president of the company almost had a heart attack when I told him that I wanted break off."

"Well, pulling you away from work is a rarity." I paused. "What's up? Why are you taking off?"

"Mokuba and I thought that it would be nice if we went traveling, the three of us." Yes, Mokuba… he teased me nonstop after getting over the initial embarrassment of walking in on Seto and I having a moment. "We were thinking Britain or Germany."

I thought about it. I wanted to sound considerate and say that I couldn't pay for it, but I knew that my financial needs did not matter. Seto would pay for it and that would be that.

"I guess I could clear a space in my schedule," I was half-sitting on my desk with a smug look on my face.

"What could you possibly do over two weeks of break that would be more important than traveling with your boyfriend and his brother?"

"I could… sit on the couch and develop a taste for snack foods and television. I could do my English reading," I added after sensei sent me a look.

"Well, come out front. I'm almost at the school."

"I'll see you in a few minutes, then. Bye."

"Bye, Ryou."

I hung up and felt happiness well up inside of me. We were dating in name, finally, though certain members of Yuugi-tachi did not know. The aforementioned group ran into me as I exited the classroom.

"Bakura-kun, what took you so long?" Yuugi-kun asked as we all started walking towards the shoe lockers.

"Phone call."

"Be glad that sensei doesn't care, or else you'd be in trouble." Anzu-chan warned. Sensei was also five years old at heart and still grinning.

"Who the hell was calling you so close to class time?"

"Seto," I answered simply. "He, Mokuba-kun, and I are going to Europe, or somewhere, over break."

"Wait, this is sounding a lot like…" Jounouchi-kun and Yuugi-kun stopped walking. The rest of us turned back to look at them.

"What's wrong?" Anzu-chan asked.

"Bakura-kun," Yuugi-kun started a bit nervously, seeming almost afraid to ask the question the wrong way, "exactly… what kind of a relationship do you have with Kaiba-kun?"

"Ah, we're dating. Didn't anybody say anything?"

Yuugi-kun just stared. It was Jounouchi-kun's reaction that I would look back on in the future and laugh at. We also had to restrain him when Seto actually arrived to pick me up. I felt a little bad for concealing it, especially since those two were the only ones who did not know. But it had just never come up, really.

After all, our lives just went on. The only real change was that I had something to look forward to everyday. For the first time that I could remember since my sister's death, I felt a sensation that I had thought lost forever. I felt whole, like all the pieces of my heart were slowly being filled. I had friends, I had my father (who was not very surprised with the revelation of my sexuality, and I wondered if I should have been a little hurt when he told me that… but at least he accepted it), I had Mokuba-kun (who sometimes teasingly called me his 'brother-in-law,' much to my embarrassment and his amusement), and I had Seto (the sexy love of my life).

It felt like it didn't matter if our relationship only lasted a year, or for that impossible eternity. Every moment with him was precious because it elevated me to the higher plane of being in which one feels entirely full.

But you know, I would prefer forever to one year; especially if it meant that I could wake up to my rose-colored life and see his face for our entire lives. That would make my life feel complete.

* * *

(1) Oshoji- since there is no janitorial faculty in a Japanese school, it is the students' jobs to clean up, so each day, and it is one class's duty to clean the halls and such. Each class takes care of their own classroom.

Not an actual numbered note, but all the things Ryou described about the ancient Jomon were based on my miniscule research. I found it rather fascinating. -grin-

* * *

Friday, September 2nd: Happy birthday, Ryou!

Sunday, September 4th: Happy birthday, me!

I've had my coffee—Carmel macchiato and some of Ka-chan's Strawberry and Cream frappucino. Yum. Actually, I was typing the depressing part on a coffee high while listening to really happy Prince of Tennis music.

Nm, join the Seto/Ryou livejournal community. Once I get into the swing of homework and such, I'll be writing fanfics that will only be posted there (namely, fics that would get taken off if they were on here). Just an incentive.

And I guess, to all my readers, I need to extend a warm thank you. Seriously, if no one reviewed, I would have scrapped this long ago and waited another few years before doing something. I never knew that this would turn out as it did. And I have you people to thank for it.

Do I sound like I'm dying again? Ever since someone commented that I sounded like I was dying when I ended 'Akutenshi', I've wondered if I do. I am not dying, just horribly sentimental. I don't know, I'm leaving this fic on a slightly more positive note.

So yeah, I love you all! Bye!


End file.
